DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up to always be polite to others, but as I reach 50, it seems that society cares less about this.

Sometimes even ordering a coffee is fraught with potential misunderstanding. Common decency is misinterpreted as “hitting on” someone, when all I’m doing is trying to be nice. Sometimes I feel like just being abrupt, as my politeness gets rejected so frequently. I believe other men experience this, too.

GENTLE READER: Before Miss Manners admonishes the rest of the impolite world and rushes to your aid, she wants to check on a few key things:

Does your “trying to be nice” include calling servers “honey” or “sweetie”? Looking anywhere other than their eyes when ordering? Making comments on their physical appearance in any way?

Did you answer “no,” “no” and “definitely not!”? Great.

The world can indeed be rude, but you must soldier on being polite anyway. That is the only way to make it better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was devastated to learn yesterday that my neighbors' young adult son passed away.

I do not know these neighbors well. Our kids are the same ages, but attended different schools and rarely played together. I watched this young man grow up, but mostly through my window.

I happened to be up late last night and saw the parents returning from the hospital. I thought about approaching them and asking if they would like to come to my house for some space before going home to their younger kids, but I decided that would most likely be intrusive.

Other than sending a sympathy card, what should I do that would be a kindness to them, rather than drawing attention to myself?

GENTLE READER: Gently ask if they need help with the children. Assure them that they, and the whole family, are welcome at your house any time.

Miss Manners is not certain that they will accept, but it is a kind gesture, and something they may well appreciate and find useful in the future.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am seeking a polite way to rein in a friend who is overly generous.

I am in a community of friends that gathers frequently in the summers for potluck dinners by a local lake. For years, the text chain has looked like: “Great, I’ll bring a salad!” “Will be there. I have some burgers I can bring.” “OK! I’ll bring brownies.” It’s low-key and fun.

Several times, one friend has announced that she just made, say, 10 extra short ribs or two extra pots of chili -- and a big salad, and a side dish. And she’ll just bring it all.

While this is certainly fantastic once or twice, as a repeated practice, I feel it changes the communal approach we’ve had by design. What do you advise?

GENTLE READER: “Your feasts are more than generous, but I think that others would like to contribute. If you don’t mind just bringing one dish, instead of so many, there will be less burden on any one of us. Plus, we get to try one another's cooking.”

Which, now that Miss Manners thinks about it, may be the reason why this friend took over the meals in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my in-laws will wait for a person to finish speaking, then say something on a completely different subject. No “hmmm,” “interesting” or any other noncommittal word to acknowledge what the other person was talking about.

If someone mentions an upcoming job interview, for example, he will talk about an unrelated story in the local news. If they tell everyone about a great new restaurant, he will start talking about a movie series.

According to his wife, his reason for doing this is “not knowing what to say about it.” If one of us wants to go back to the previous subject, before he changed it, would we be rude for doing so?

GENTLE READER: It depends on how you finesse it. Miss Manners would not want it to look as if you were doing the same thing to him.

She suggests modeling the correct way to segue in a conversation, saying, “I would love to hear more about that movie series, Jackson, but going back to that restaurant Caroline mentioned -- I’ve been meaning to try it. You say they have good hummus?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a family member who eats so slowly that everyone gets antsy waiting for her, especially the kids. She only starts seriously eating when everyone else is finished. She takes tiny bites, chewing very slowly, while everyone watches her.

It feels controlling and attention-seeking. How can I politely start serving dessert before she is finished?

GENTLE READER: In a loud voice, meant to be addressed to the antsy kids (whether or not they actually asked), Miss Manners suggests announcing, “Normally we wait until everyone is finished eating, but I don’t want to rush Cousin Sophie. With your permission, Sophie, we will start to clear the dishes. But please let us know when you are ready for dessert.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we go out to eat, my husband sits there across the table from me and flirts with other women, whether they're customers or restaurant workers. What should I say to him?

GENTLE READER: "Stop it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When visiting our daughter, who is a graduate student, my husband and I went out to dinner with her, her boyfriend, her friend and the friend’s mother. The mother is a single parent, and we have met her a few times.

My husband and I paid for the meal, which we thought was the polite thing to do. But thinking about it afterwards, we realized that if the friend’s mother had a husband, we presumably would have split the check.

Also, the friend’s mother is quite wealthy -- in fact, wealthier than we are. If we find ourselves going out again, how should we approach the check?

GENTLE READER: Who is doing the inviting? This is the person who should pay, in most cases, regardless of wealth or marital status.

It would be gracious for this woman to reciprocate, but if you find that she is consistently not doing so, Miss Manners suggests you weigh the prospect of paying her portion (and resenting it) against the resentment of your daughter’s friend for having her mom excluded.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I visited my family with my newborn son, they could not stop talking about how handsome he was -- and how much cuter he was compared to his sister (my first child, who is 3 years old).

On that afternoon alone, I must have heard the words, “He looks much better than his sister” at least 15 times from my mom and my sisters. I was hurt and shocked they would say such negative things about a child, but I was just grateful my daughter was not with me. However, I doubt her presence would have stopped them.

Miss Manners, how was I supposed to respond to their negative comments? How do I prevent it from happening again, especially when my daughter is with me?

GENTLE READER: Grasp your new infant warmly, look deep into his eyes, and, with an appropriately silly expression, say, “They don’t mean it! Your sister was a beautiful baby, too! Yes she was! Yes she was!”

After 15 repetitions on both sides, everyone will be exhausted and ready for some adult conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am new to online dating, and I’d like your advice on how to respond to "likes" when you’re not interested. I feel that some response to a message is appropriate, but I don’t want to give people the wrong idea. I also don’t really want to get into long conversations with those who don’t seem to be a good match.

Does it make a difference if they just send a "like," with no message? Or if they are outside my listed age range? I’m surprised and grateful that others are interested, and I want to treat everyone respectfully. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: This is an area where the etiquette -- such as it is -- is still evolving. But Miss Manners will try to assist.

One of the most confusing aspects of such businesses is that they cross the boundary between the commercial and the social -- not just without a thought, but without even realizing there is a distinction.

But in this case, that confusion is useful. The purpose of such sites is, as they would put it, to Meet Someone. So answering that first outreach when you are not interested -- whether it was a written message or a mere "like" -- will, indeed, give people the Wrong Idea.

Miss Manners therefore recommends against responding, which she justifies by application of the business etiquette rule that you are not required to return calls from strangers seeking to sell you something.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)