Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend usually seems to be a guy's guy. He is into sports and cars and stuff. He is also attentive to me, which I love. We go out to dinner a lot and have fun dates. But I recently discovered something odd, or at least I think so. My boyfriend canceled a date because, of all things, he wanted to watch a Christmas movie. Later, he told me that he is addicted to holiday films and he watches them religiously every year. After he told me about it, he started to invite me to watch these movies with him. It was fun for a minute as a novelty, I guess. But I'm not the girl who is interested in chick flicks, and these are like chick flicks on steroids. Am I wrong for not wanting to kick my feet up, drink cocoa and watch Santa? -- Scrooge, Dallas

DEAR SCROOGE: OK, so you are not a big sentimentalist. Look on the bright side: The holiday movie season lasts a short time -- it's actually shorter than most professional sports seasons. This is not a forever experience. While you do not have to watch every one of his holiday flicks, why not entertain him by plopping down on the sofa with him sometimes? Relationships are all about compromise and learning to appreciate and even enjoy things that your partner likes that may not be your favorite activities.

My vote is for you to watch occasionally and, more important, not express any disdain about him and his guilty pleasure. It could be much worse! Note to you: Make sure that you present him with something special and thoughtful for the holiday since you know it ranks very high on his list of priorities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met with an old acquaintance recently who was pitching a new business that he's working on. It's one of those multi-level marketing things. He is super excited and obviously he wants me to buy stuff from him, but even more, he wants me to join the business. I have absolutely no interest in doing either. I like him and give him credit for trying to make things work for himself after he lost his job a few years back, but part of me is irritated because I feel like he used his woe-is-me story to try to get me to spend money. Now he keeps calling and emailing with more pitches for what I should buy from him. How can I get him to back off without seeming rude? -- Enough, Salt Lake City

DEAR ENOUGH: Some people require direct, crystal-clear communication in order to respond appropriately. You can tell this man, either over the phone or via email if you must, that you are happy for him and his new business venture, but you will not be purchasing any products or joining his business. Wish him luck and end the communication. Do not promise to refer him to people unless you want him to keep contacting you. Do not promise anything at all. Just offer your good wishes for his success and put a period on it. If he continues to call or write, do not respond.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! This is one of the happiest times of year for me -- and also one of the busiest. Like so many other people, my family is on the move at Thanksgiving time. We travel to be with family, which often means being in stop-and-go traffic followed by moving slowly through congested airports. Somehow, the irritation of the hustle and bustle dims in comparison to the joy of sharing hugs with family we haven't seen for a year.

We also celebrate my daughter's birthday during this festive week. The miracle of her life in ours is truly enough to inspire us to do what this season calls us all to do: Count our blessings.

Thanksgiving is the season of gratitude. As the year draws to a close and we set our sights on what's next, this moment in time often brings family and loved ones together. We get to see how each other is progressing, what hurdles we may have faced and what opportunities lie before us.

To be fair, because this is often a time of gathering, plenty of people complain of friction that returns from old family memories. Others lament coming home because they fear being criticized, judged or otherwise made to feel uncomfortable. Yes, the opposites -- joy and sadness, elation and frustration -- do coexist at this holiday time.

Because this is true, I want to remind all of us to seek out the great in our experiences this Thanksgiving. By counting our blessings, we can soften our hearts. How do you do this? You can literally make a list where you write down those experiences, people and situations for which you are grateful. You can start small: "I am grateful that I woke up today and will be going to visit my family. I am grateful that I have the means to get to my destination -- whether I am paying for it or out of someone else's generosity. I am grateful for my health that is allowing me to be strong today. I am grateful for the food that I am going to soon eat. I am grateful for my wife/husband/mother/father/sister/brother/child/friends." Continue with your list of gratitude expressions until you feel more at ease. Your list can include very personal topics as well as global issues.

Make a conscious choice to be positive wherever you go for the holidays. Choose to see the good in other people, especially those with whom you have had conflict in the past. Decide that you will not get caught up in old drama. Encourage those around you to be happy in the moment. You will be amazed at how much your positive attitude can influence others.

Assuming an attitude of gratitude and a posture of service will help you tremendously. Instead of considering who may be there to wait on you or make you feel comfortable, look around to see how you can be of service to those in your midst. Open your eyes and notice what is going on. Actively choose to support each moment with conscious intention. This will make it so much easier to stay grounded, upbeat and clear through all of the activity. Enjoy!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son wants to go to sleepaway camp next summer. Lots of his friends at school will be going away, and he wants to have that experience as well. Our family is not rolling in dough like some of his peers, though. My husband and I looked at the prices for the camps that our son (who is 12) has been talking about, and the price is through the roof. How can I manage my son's expectations? I don't know how we could possibly afford to send him to any of these places. -- To Go or Not to Go, Queens, New York

DEAR TO GO OR NOT TO GO: Don't give up before you do some research. Contact each of the camps that your son has shared with you. Find out if they offer financial aid to any of their students. Many camps gladly offer aid when parents make the request. Sometimes you have to show proof of need, but not always.

You can also research more affordable camps. There are sleepaway camps at all different price points. Some are rugged, some more refined. Some are affiliated with the local Y or other community organizations and can be extremely affordable. Plus, your child can go for a shorter time period if that helps reduce the cost. The point is that you should thoroughly look into your options before saying no. There may be a very good chance that you can say yes!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working for myself for years. For a long time, it was going pretty well. But I am a consultant, and with the economy being soft and all, I am not making very much money. It gets harder and harder to pay my bills because it is difficult to keep clients consistently. I'm thinking I should go back to school to learn a trade or something, but I can't really afford to do that. How can I get out of this hole? -- Need a Change, Chicago

DEAR NEED A CHANGE: You are smart to be considering options for income since your current method of earning a living isn't satisfying your basic needs. The good news is that there are many scholarships available for students of all ages. I recently interviewed the CEO of the United Negro College Fund, Dr. Michael Lomax, who explained that more of today's college students are returning students than 18 year olds. And there is money out there for nearly everyone.

So do your research. Figure out what you want to do and what schools offer those courses. Then determine which of those schools offer scholarships or financial aid. Fill out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (fafsa.ed.gov) and shop until you get the support you need.

Education is often the key to economic empowerment. Do not give up until you gain the skills you need to leverage yourself into a better financial space.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)