Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have to turn in an application for my child's school, and the document is supposed to be signed by both parents. My wife will be out of the country on business for another month. If I wait until my wife returns, I am afraid I will miss the deadline and my son's opportunity to be enrolled in a great program. I am pretty good at signing her name. Should I sign it? Or what should I do? -- Impatiently waiting, Dallas

DEAR IMPATIENTLY WAITING: Even if your wife is in a third-world country, chances are she can get to a computer or a fax machine. Do not allow her being away to stay in the way of your child's future. Coordinate with your wife to send the document electronically. Sign it and scan it to send to her. Ask her to sign the same document and scan it and send back to you. This way, you do not have to wait for anything except for her to be able to get to the necessary electronic devices.

If, for some reason, she cannot get to a fax or scanner, have her write and send a letter with her signature to the school explaining her situation, including the date when she will return to the country and be able to sign the requisite paperwork

What you require here is coordination on the part of the two of you. There is absolutely no need to give up or to forge your wife's signature.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and his wife are having their second child. Their first child is 10 years old. Is it OK for her to register and have a baby shower for the new baby? They say that so many years have passed that they don't have any baby stuff for the new one. At the same time, they don't want to seem greedy or ill-mannered. What is appropriate? -- Need To Be Clear, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR NEED TO BE CLEAR: Historically, baby showers were hosted to help a couple prepare to bring their child into the world with the various essentials they may need for the first few months to a year. Caring for a child can be expensive, and loved ones are often happy to help support the welcoming of a child to a family. Typically, when more children are born to a family, especially when they come close in birth to the first one, a baby shower is not held because those items that the family got for the first baby can be used for the next.

Obviously, if there is a 10-year gap, it is likely that no baby stuff is left in the house. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to have a baby shower for this new baby. They should be specific about what they need so that they will get the proper support.

Additionally, I believe that inviting loved ones to gather to bless the coming of a new baby is fine, too. When a family doesn't need stuff, but does want blessings, ask for that!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked on a project that required my lawyer's services. The payoff was supposed to be significant, but in the end, I'm the one who spent money while the whole deal went south. I am bummed about the death of the project, but I am also out a few thousand dollars -- which I don't have -- because I have to pay for legal services. I'm not sure what to do. I simply do not have the money I owe him. I have been ducking him for the past couple of months, but I don't like that feeling. How can I handle this situation with my lawyer when I realistically do not have the money I owe him? -- Face the Music, Denver

DEAR FACE THE MUSIC: Start by reviewing your finances. Figure out what you can pay your attorney. While you may not have the full amount, chances are he will appreciate a good faith effort to pay his fees. Determine what you can pay on a monthly basis and then ask him if he will accept that payment plan. Apologize for not having the full amount up front. Remind him that you had every belief that the deal he was brokering for you was going to come to fruition. Since it did not, you are low on cash. Assure him that if you come into greater resources, you will up his monthly installment accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling out with family members last year when we got together over the holidays. Some unkind things were said, and we haven't talked since. That, in and of itself, is not so unusual. We are a once-a-year type of family, at least on this side. But never before have we had a rift between us. I'm wondering if I should prepare myself for an argument, if I should apologize for leaving on bad terms last year or just see how things go. What do you recommend? -- Where We Stand, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR WHERE WE STAND: Review the scene from last year to determine how bad you and your family members left things. If you honestly feel that an apology is in order, be prepared to offer it. It could be as simple as, upon greeting each other, offer a handshake or hug and say, "I'm sorry we got into a bad place last year, here's to making this year's get-together a success." In this way, you acknowledge what could be the elephant in the room. If your family member(s) want to discuss it, go for it -- without emotion.

In general, be in the moment. Decide that you are going to observe and enjoy what's happening before you rather than superimposing old experiences or relationships onto what's happening. Family dynamics often go awry when family members revert back to childhood behaviors and roles. Stay in the here and now. Be kind to each other. Forgive each other for not being perfect. Choose to enjoy the day.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My office is going through a serious downsizing right now. We normally have a big holiday party, and I am sure that will not happen this year. I was thinking it would be nice to put together a potluck dinner to show our loyalty to our employees during this tough time. Do think this is a good idea? -- Lift Employees' Spirits, Cincinnati

DEAR LIFT EMPLOYEES' SPIRITS: Coming together in a spirit of unity is most important at this time of year, even more so in your company's case. By all means, put together a potluck. You might call upon each of your company leaders in advance to let them know your plans so that they can support a buy-in for the entire company. Take the time to make the event special. Create fliers and signs to promote the event. Make sure that you provide some specialty items, such as alcohol if you are serving that and/or meat dishes that may be pricey.

Be sure to make a speech of some kind at the dinner that acknowledges your staff for all of their hard work. If everyone already knows you are facing downsizing, let them know that this has been a tough year and some hard decisions are on the way. Be mindful not to let anyone go during the holiday season, if at all possible. Strategize so that the pain will be the least impactful. You might give people time to know when their positions will be phased out, giving them a bit of time to look for work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I lent a good friend of mine my jump rope, and she promised to return it within a week. Three weeks have passed, and when I asked her for my jump rope, she assured me I would receive it the next day. The next day arrived, my friend came to my house and she did not bring it with her. I did not ask, but this leads me to believe that something has happened to my jump rope. I just want it back so I can start working out. What do I say to her? -- Want to Work Out, Philadelphia

DEAR WANT TO WORK OUT: The lesson I hope you have learned here is that when you really need something, you should not lend it to someone else. Your generosity is backfiring on you now. Sadly, that is all too common an experience for people. As a last-ditch effort, call your friend and sternly tell her that you need your jump rope back now -- as in immediately. If she has lost it, ask her to replace it. Tell her how disappointed you are that she broke your trust.

Remind her that you are refreshing your fitness routine and that your jump rope is an integral part of your program. Ultimately, if she does not respond with a jump rope, you have to move on. Don't let this setback keep you from your fitness goals.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)