Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has always been practical when it comes to asking for things for Christmas. He has never asked for extravagant gifts, and my husband and I do our best to get whatever he requests. This year, he once again hasn't asked for much, but what he wants is pricey. He has four items on his list. The main one is above our budget. We have been talking about it. Since our son is frugal, we want to get it. But if we get that one item, that will be it. Should we get him a few little things or splurge on the one big item on his list? -- What to Do, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WHAT TO DO: As you assess your finances, figure out if the one item is possible for you to get at this time. If you can do it without hurting your overall budget, go for it. If it is out of reach, it is time for you to be practical, too. Purchase those items on your son's list that you can afford. Give him space to enjoy them. Separately, you can let your son know that you were unable to get him his big-ticket request at this time. He is sure to understand.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently graduated from college and have grown frustrated in my job search. There will be an industry job fair in my city soon. What advice can you offer when networking with potential employers? -- Educated and Seeking Employment, Baltimore

DEAR EDUCATED AND SEEKING EMPLOYMENT: I fully understand the excitement that a recent college graduate feels about starting his or her life and also the frustration that can easily come when the dream takes a long time to manifest. For starters, I want you to take a deep breath and remember that this is the beginning of your professional life. For almost everyone, it takes longer than expected to hit benchmarks. This does not mean that you are a failure or that you are unemployable. It means you have to have patience.

When you go to the job fair, be sure that you are armed with a positive attitude and focus about what you want to do with your life and what steps it may take to get there. Also, make sure you have done your research. Find out which companies will be there and look them up so that you have a good idea of which ones may be a good fit for you. When you speak to the recruiters, be sure to sprinkle information in your conversation about what you know about their company. Asking informed questions will show the recruiter that you are serious about this engagement and committed to building your life.

Be crystal clear about your skill set, your enthusiasm to learn and your ability to start work right away. Ask intelligent questions that show your knowledge and interest in the company in question. And make sure you look the part. Dress professionally. Make eye contact. Offer a firm and confident handshake. Show your value. Believe you deserve to find a job. Go for it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to go to a holiday dance with a guy I really like from my college. I want to go, but I feel like an idiot because I never learned how to dance. My parents were very strict, and they never allowed us to listen to secular music. Dancing was out of the question. I am not as strict as they are, but now I am clueless when it comes to dancing.

I like this guy. He seems very reserved, kind of like how I grew up. He definitely is respectful. I don't want to run him off when he realizes I am so backward. Should I tell him I don't know how to dance? I don't know how to fake it, and I don't know anybody to ask to teach me, either. -- Two Left Feet, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TWO LEFT FEET: It is good that you are drumming up the courage to go to the dance with this young man. Trust that you will not be the only one who doesn't know how to dance! Still, that doesn't mean that you should go without some preparation.

Look online for dancing instruction. You can find tutorials that will help you to learn how to move your body with simple steps. If you think your date could be game, you could tell him that you are excited to go to the dance but that you would love to do some practicing. It would be easier for you to talk to this young man about your background and your need to learn the basics of dancing before you are standing in front of each other on the dance floor at the event. Tell him you have something you want to discuss with him. Then go for it. Ask him to give you a lesson or two. If he says he doesn't know how to dance either, that's all the better. Ask him if you two can muddle through it a time or two before the dance. This may strengthen your friendship. It certainly should help you to feel more at ease on the big night.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I completely disagree on how we should take care of our home. We both have full-time jobs along with part-time jobs, so we don't spend much time at home, due to our schedules. We work so much because we have two children, and it is expensive to care for them and pay the mortgage and car notes, etc. Anyhow, I want to hire a housekeeper to help keep us in order. By the time I get home from work, I do not have enough energy to thoroughly clean, and my husband chooses not to do anything, so our house is dirty. He thinks it should be my job because I'm the wife. Both of us are working, and I just don't have the time to do a good job. How can I get him to reconsider? -- Dirty House, Detroit

DEAR DIRTY HOUSE: Explain to your husband that the conventional role of a woman being responsible for cleaning the house doesn't work in a household where both spouses work double-time. Either the two of you have to work together to get your house in order, or he has to concede that you need and deserve outside help to keep it together.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was just invited to a spectacular weeklong celebration with an associate. Apparently, he organizes an annual trip that he invites a range of people to attend. I have seen pictures on social media from past years when he threw this amazing event. It always looks so fun. But it's way out of my price range. I am flattered that I would be considered on his short list of people to invite, but I cannot do it. How do I go about telling him without revealing my tight purse strings? I don't want to be taken off his list for other things, but I can't swing this one. -- Out of Range, Chicago

DEAR OUT OF RANGE: It is an honor to be included on this person's short list of people with whom he would enjoy sharing his celebration. As an honored invitee, by all means send him a note telling him that you appreciate his invitation and that you will not be able to join him this year. Wish him a fabulous experience on the trip and tell him you will enjoy it vicariously through his social media postings.

Just as this man has thought of you for this special occasion, you should remember him. If you send out holiday cards, include him on that list. If and when you host gatherings, consider inviting him. It is clear that he values you, so keep him in your life by including him in those activities that you create.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just watched the classic film "Gone With the Wind." I swear that the character Scarlett O'Hara reminds me of my best friend from back home. She has been married three times now, but she doesn't love any of those guys. She has been in love with her high school crush since anybody can remember. I feel so bad for her most recent husband because she only has eyes for this other dude. She has two kids with this guy, who is really nice, but who doesn't stand a chance unless my friend decides to get over her crush for good. He is clueless. He's just a nice guy who wanted to have a family. I thought that I should tell her to watch this old film. Maybe she would see how ridiculous she has been acting. What do you think? -- Shake Her Into Reality, Los Angeles

DEAR SHAKE HER INTO REALITY: When people are caught up in their own emotional web, it is rare that they can observe their own behavior. That said, if you rave about the movie and tell her you think she will love it -- without telling her that you see her in it -- you may be able to get her to view it. There's a chance she could recognize herself in the protagonist's tragic behavior.

Ultimately, though, your friend is living her life. You should not attempt to meddle in it. If she watches the movie, she will see whatever she sees. Let her live her life as you live yours.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)