DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter has been waking up recently with terrible dreams. She falls asleep and then wakes up believing that someone has just entered a public area where she is and opened fire. The most recent place was at the hairdresser, but this dream has been recurring now for a few months. How can I get her to feel more at ease? With so much violence going on in the news these days, it's hard to shield her from the current events that are fueling her fears. -- Seeking Safety, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SEEKING SAFETY: When your daughter comes to you after a bad dream, listen to everything she says and comfort her by letting her know that you hear her. Do not dismiss her fears. Instead, acknowledge her worries and then help to quiet them by pointing out whatever safety measures exist in the various public areas she mentions. These could be locks on doors, friendly people who work there, etc.

Limit your daughter's exposure to the daily news. The more she hears and sees, the more she will be afraid. When atrocities occur and she is aware of them, talk them through. Explain that there are some people in the world who do unimaginable things. These are the stories we are hearing these days. To reduce being exposed to people who do bad things, remind your daughter to follow school protocol, to travel in pairs and to keep in close touch with you, especially if she feels unsafe.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a recent column, you suggested a reader seek professional help through a psychologist. As a licensed clinical social worker in private practice, I am concerned about such a referral because it is very limited.

You did not mention a number of other helping professionals that offer counseling and psychotherapy services, including those holding credentials such as Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Professional Counselor. Keep in mind that psychologists are not always available in every community, and if they hold a Ph.D. credential, they often specialize in other services, such as testing and other non-clinical services. If they do offer counseling, their fees are often significantly higher.

I hope that in future columns when you suggest professional help, you will suggest a variety of professionals with many credentials. There are a number of other credentials, including addictions counselors, art therapists, dance and movement therapists, drama therapists, psychodramatists, etc., but that may be beyond the scope of this letter for now. -- Broadening the Scope, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR BROADENING THE SCOPE: Thank you so much for sharing in such detail about alternative professionals to a psychologist for people who need professional help. This is extremely important and useful information that will likely benefit many people who are reading right now.

The most important point that I believe is resonating here is that there are many types of professionals who are available to support people who are in need of mental health help. You do not have to suffer in isolation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have all the intentions in the world to come home from work and clean my apartment. However, that is not always the case. I walk in the door, sit down and fall asleep on my couch. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I wasted another opportunity to clean up my place. I do not like a messy apartment, but I cannot defeat the urge to sleep. I need to come up with an efficient way to clean my apartment before sleep comes knocking on my door. What should I do? -- Sleepyhead, Springfield, New Jersey

DEAR SLEEPYHEAD: Cleaning your apartment in the dark when you are tired is not likely to be productive. Rather than trying to force a task on yourself when you are not at your best, redesign your schedule. Get up an hour earlier every day. Eat your breakfast. But before you shower, work on your apartment for a full hour before you begin the rest of your day. If you do this daily, you will be able to whittle away at the mess. To keep mess at bay, put things where they belong immediately. For example, when you come home from work, hang up your coat. After you eat, wash the dishes. If you handle your responsibilities in the moment, you will have less mess to face later.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went out of town with my girlfriend, and we stayed for one week at her mother's home. She knows that I am recently unemployed and that things have been financially tight. After my girlfriend and I returned from our trip, I sent her mother a card telling her how thankful I was that we were able to stay with her and what a gracious hostess she was. I did not send a gift with the note because of my finances, but I will send her a belated Christmas present when I have some extra money. What is the proper etiquette for sending thank-you notes and gifts? -- Showing My Gratitude, Indianapolis

DEAR SHOWING MY GRATITUDE: You did the right thing by sending a thank-you card to your girlfriend's mother upon your return. It is not a requirement to send a gift with a note of thanks, although it can be a lovely gesture. As far as a Christmas gift goes, that is not necessary. Your thoughtful presence at her house likely made her feel happy that her daughter is dating a respectful person.

Rather than worrying about how to please your girlfriend's mother, now it is time to turn your attention to yourself. Brush up your resume and work hard to find a job. It is a new year, and you should look upon your job search with fresh eyes. What skills have you not brought to the forefront that you think are important? What contacts have you not called upon to make an introduction for you? Be strategic and use your good manners to help you meet your goal of finding employment. Just as you wrote a thank-you note to your girlfriend's mother, do the same for anyone who helps you to get an interview and, of course, with the interviewer as well.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my male friends has asked me on numerous occasions to hook him up with one of my female friends. I told him I do not think any of my girlfriends would like him. Nevertheless, he insists that I hook them up. Mind you, one of my girlfriends has already met him at a party, and she has confirmed her disinterest. What more can I say to him so that he can stop bugging me? -- Cannot Take No for an Answer, Salt Lake City

DEAR CANNOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER: Rejection is extremely hard to accept, no matter who you are. This friend of yours probably thinks that because you are the go-between, that he stands a greater chance of getting a date through you. You need to squash that. Tell him that you asked your girlfriends if they would like to go out with him and they declined. That is very specific and definitive.

Further, as a friend, talk to him about the way he approaches women. If you already have a sense of why he turns off your friends and you think you can share that with him, do so. He may not realize that he has offensive behaviors. The greatest gift you may be able to give him is a clear sense of how he is perceived.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read the column about the girl with acne (Beyond the Bumps). When I had this problem, I accidentally found that Head and Shoulders shampoo helped clear it up. I had a dandruff problem and started using Head and Shoulders; soon after that, my face started looking better. I actually began washing my face with the shampoo. Sometimes I would leave the shampoo on for 10 to 15 minutes before I would wash it off.

My face is clear now, but I always keep a small bottle of the shampoo on hand in case I need to fix a bump. Perhaps you could forward this information on to the young lady. It's not very expensive, and it sure couldn't hurt anything. I really feel sorry for her because I know how mean and hurtful other children can be. -- Been There, Chicago

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for sharing your discovery. While I am not a doctor, I do know that people discover secondary uses for medicines all the time. Indeed, scientists have developed drugs for one reason only to find that they work for something completely different. I would love to know if other readers have found creative solutions to their acne problems.

I would also recommend visiting a dermatologist for anyone with acne. Getting a complete evaluation of your skin and of your diet will help you to learn how to approach your health regimen. For many people, a combination of medical input and life's daily discoveries helps them to survive challenging health circumstances.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)