DEAR HARRIETTE: I always feel like I am the less liked sister. My sister is a few years older than me, and she is definitely more personable than me. I feel like I have strengths, too, but they tend to get overshadowed when I get tired of speaking. I want people to see me as someone who is as smart, likable and interesting, but I don't know how to carry myself as well as my sister. I also don't want to ask my sister how to be like her at the risk she makes fun of me. How can I become better in social situations so I become as well-liked as my sister? -- Becoming More Likeable, Detroit

DEAR BECOMING MORE LIKEABLE: Accept that you and your sister are two different people, and that there is nothing wrong with you because of that. It is OK not to be as gregarious as your sister. People who pay attention to you will notice your great qualities. You may want to begin spending more time cultivating your own friendships so that you aren't so reliant upon your sister's friend group or even family members for affirmation. Your goal must be to develop your own skills and relationships. By so doing, you will gain confidence. One day, by the way, you may find it easy to ask your sister for advice. You may find that she could use advice from you, too!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I heard that a friend of a friend was belittling my career at a party. Honestly, it didn't bother me much because I know she's been unemployed for a few months now, and I chalked this whole thing up to jealousy. Then I heard that this "friend" did the same thing again from another source at a different party! I don't need someone trying to slander my company or me, but I also don't want to give in to gossip. We are not close, and I am not sure if I should reach out to this woman and tell her to quit. Should I try to defuse this or ignore her? I don't think her words are majorly impacting my business, but I want to be able to defend myself. -- Working Hard, Dallas

DEAR WORKING HARD: Pay close attention to the sources of the information that has gotten back to you. Do you know those people? Might they have any reason to stoke the flames of discontent? If you think they are genuinely just sharing with you what this person said, take it seriously. Call her and invite her to coffee. Check in to see how she's doing and how the job search is going. Translation: Have compassion for her. Then let her know that you are a bit concerned because a number of people have shared some disturbing comments with you that are attributed to her. Ask her directly if she is upset with you or your company. Ask her if she made the comments and why. She may not answer, but chances are that she will either stop or slow down the loose lips after you confront her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. Our relationship has lasted through all sorts of obstacles. I really do believe I found the best companion in my husband. Lately, though ... I just feel so bored. I'm bored with our relationship. I've been with him for so long that everything is just so predictable. The way he'll respond, act, cook, clean, even have sex. I can tell you what he's doing every minute of the day. Everything's so repetitive, and I don't know how to express this to him. Especially when he seems OK with the fact that there's no real spark anymore.

There's a new guy at my job. We haven't done anything, but he hits on me from time to time. He makes each pass different from before, and he's always staring at me. He's such a mystery, and as sad as it may be, I'm intrigued. I know I don't have it in me to cheat on my husband, which is why I'm asking for some serious advice. What do I do? Do I leave him? Everything's been the same for so long, how do I get my husband to break the cycle? What do I do if he doesn't want to change? I would really hate to have to leave him, especially with us being such good friends. But something's got to give. I feel like I'm just here because I owe him loyalty. -- Ready for Something New, San Francisco

DEAR READY FOR SOMETHING NEW: Marriages go through many twists and turns, as you already know. Naturally, a sameness can occur in a long-term relationship. One way that you may want to add some spark to your marriage -- rather than look elsewhere or leave him -- is to bring the excitement of what's happening externally to your home. On days when this man gets you hot and bothered, go home and seduce your husband. Try to mix up your routines by inviting him to do other activities that aren't in your norm. If he balks, tell him you are ready for some excitement, and ask him to join you on the adventure.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend has gone off the grid. This has happened a few times, and it will be impossible to reach her for a few days via phone, text or email. Then she will come back as though nothing happened. I always ask her if she is all right, and she ignores my question and pretends as though she hasn't been gone for days. Honestly, I try to pry because I feel concerned when she disappears like this. I never find out any information about what happens. I am not sure if she is depressed, traveling or simply mad at everyone she knows. Do I have the right to push a bit harder? We have been best friends for almost a decade, but I don't know how she'll react. -- Off the Grid, Cincinnati

DEAR OFF THE GRID: If your friend has been doing this for a decade, it is time for you to accept her behavior for what it is. You can tell her, however, that it is hard for you when she disappears because you worry about her safety. Suggest that she give someone her itinerary or an emergency number.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother became a Christian about 20 years ago, after spending his teens and 20s running around in the streets. He is very overprotective of his daughter, who recently turned 16. Ever since she was a small child, he has forced her to go to church or some sort of church activity at least three times a week. Sleepovers are out of the question, friends are rarely allowed to come over and getting him to allow her to go anywhere with friends is like pulling teeth. Music and television are heavily restricted, and she has to sneak to go the movies. (She admitted this to me during a recent visit.) While how my brother chooses to raise his daughter is his prerogative, and sneaking to see a movie or two is innocent enough, I can't help but see this all ending badly. Our mother was strict, and she ended up driving both of us away from the church. I made a lot of mistakes I could have avoided if I had been properly advised about certain subjects and situations and was not held on to so tightly.

It's not just me, either. I have seen many other young women who grew up in very restrictive environments get out into the real world and make mistakes -- including some that are life-changing. I see my niece heading down the same path. How can I raise these concerns to my brother without overstepping my bounds? -- Breaking the Cycle, Milwaukee

DEAR BREAKING THE CYCLE: Ask your brother if the two of you can have a meeting. During your talk, remind him of your upbringing and of some of the bad choices that you -- and he -- made. Tell him that you are afraid his daughter is headed down the same path if he doesn't lighten up. Remind him that it is out of love and respect that you are bringing this to him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have been together for years. I love her dearly and can't imagine my life without her. The one thing my wife wanted more than anything was a baby. A couple of months after the wedding, she wound up pregnant. She was so excited. I'm forever grateful that I was able to give her that. I attended every pregnancy class, checkup, sonogram, etc. I shopped with her for the nursery, put up the crib and painted the room. I stayed throughout the entire baby shower. I stayed by her side all 22 hours of labor. So I should be as excited and happy about this baby as she is, right? I mean, I damn near carried it myself. I thought that by attending all these things and doing so much for the baby, I'd get closer to him. He's a beautiful baby boy. I don't feel like I love this child, and I can't figure out why ... I want to, but I just can't. How do I come to love my son? I've accepted him and do everything I can, but it just doesn't seem to be enough. -- How to Love, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR HOW TO LOVE: You may never fall in love with your son the way that mothers often do with their children. Stop worrying about that. Instead, focus on your role, which is to guide and nurture him to become a strong, self-sufficient, sensitive and sensible man. You can also pray for your heart to soften along the way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)