DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle just passed away. He was killed in a drive-by shooting not far from his house. He wasn’t involved in a gang; he was in the wrong place at wrong time. My mom was close with him and hasn’t been coping well. The police have no leads. Nobody is paying for this senseless murder.

My uncle was a single man without children, so it’s just like he’s gone. That’s it. It’s almost like he never existed. My mom can’t handle it. She’s been drinking a lot and crying. How can I be there for her during this hard time? -- Worried and Mourning, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR WORRIED AND MOURNING: What a horrible tragedy. Of course your mother is devastated. Her grief is natural, and it should pass in time. You are wise to seek help, though. Encourage your mother to get counseling from your church or community center. She can also receive counseling through an online therapist. Check out betterhelp.com, a website that matches people with counselors based on their needs. In this way, for a fee that is often lower than average therapy costs, she can get help without leaving home.

You can also encourage your mother to see friends and family members. Suggest to loved ones that they come over to visit. They may need to be pushy at first in order to get her attention.

Finally, check with the local precinct to see if there is a status change about finding your uncle’s killer. If the case can be solved, that would at least give your mother some sense of justice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got kicked out of my house. My parents and I got into an argument, and they said I can’t stay there anymore. I’m 23 years old and trying to get my life together, but it’s taking time. I’ve been staying with my friend and his family for a couple of weeks. I am working, but not enough to get my own place. I don’t want to take advantage of their hospitality, but I’m not stable enough to go anywhere else. How do I show them how thankful I am? -- Struggling to Make It, Bronx, New York

DEAR STRUGGLING TO MAKE IT: Thank goodness you were rescued by your friend and his family. What you can do is be a great houseguest. That means volunteer to have chores that you are responsible for each week. Perhaps there are daily duties you can accept as well. Keep your area tidy, and be mindful of common areas. Give your host family space, meaning when everyone is at home, make sure you make yourself scarce at least part of the time. They should feel like they can be free to engage each other without you for at least part of each day. This doesn’t mean you should hide out. Instead, choose to spend some time in your room or in a part of the home where you can have some privacy as you give them space to live their lives as usual.

Meanwhile, save your money. Tell the family your strategy and timeline for moving on. Keep them apprised of your progress.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am being deported back to Mexico within the next few weeks. My kids are legal citizens here, so they will be able to stay with my mother. I’m scared to leave them because who knows when I’ll see them again. I have two daughters, and my youngest wants to come with me. How do I explain that she'll have a better life here, even if I’m in Mexico? -- Scared to Separate, Los Angeles

DEAR SCARED TO SEPARATE: During this period of intense focus on border patrol and deportation, I want to say that I am sorry that you have to leave this country. Since you do, you have some research to complete, and fast. Do you know where you are going when you get home? Is there someone there to receive you or a safe place you can go? Even though you do not want to, would you be able to take your daughter with you and care for her? You need to figure out your options. Even though it feels terrible now -- because it is -- it may be better for her to stay with you. Talk to your family members in Mexico, and determine what your options are upon your return.

If you continue to believe your daughter should stay with your mother, sit her down and explain what you expect her future to be -- and that you will be there for her, albeit from afar. If you can, set up a plan to talk to her via Skype or other video technology so that you can stay connected after you are separated. Consider free international calling via WhatsApp or other similar apps.

I am not trying to diminish how dire this situation is. When you talk to your daughter, do your best to calm and empower her to understand that your mother will take care of her, if that is your ultimate decision.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave birth to my son a few days ago, and he is the sweetest angel. He was born with one lung, which is causing his heart to work too hard. He’s scheduled to have surgery in a couple of days. There are a lot of things that could go wrong, and I wouldn’t know what to do if my sweet boy passed. How do my husband and I stay positive during this hard time? -- Frightened New Mother, Cincinnati

DEAR FRIGHTENED NEW MOTHER: Start by counting your blessings. Your son is alive and fighting to stay that way. Surgeons have the skill and understanding of how to care for children with this medical challenge. For you to stay calm and trust that your son can have a positive outcome requires you to believe that a miracle can happen. For me, that translates into faith. I will not presume what your religious or spiritual background is, but I will assure you that asking your higher power to bless your son and your family during this harrowing journey may help you tremendously. You can also ask your loved ones to pray for your son to get the medical attention and healing that he needs. Do not discount the power of positive intention, prayer and faith.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a sophomore in college, and I’m in a relationship with my professor. He’s 27 and just graduated from grad school last year, so we’re within the same age group, since I just turned 20.

My friends think it’s crazy that we’re together, but he’s exactly the type of man I see myself with: He’s smart, handsome and kind, and things have been going well. We are secretive about our relationship because he says if the school were to find out, he could get in trouble. I wouldn’t want him to lose his job, but making sure we go to restaurants and other activities away from campus is a lot. Do you think this relationship will work out, with the sneaking around? -- Lost Girl, Washington, D.C.

DEAR LOST GIRL: You both need to throw a little cold water in your faces. Find out what the school’s policy is about faculty dating students. Don’t guess at it. It may not be against the rules, considering your age, but you need to find out for sure. If, indeed, you are breaking a clear moral code of the school, you may want to consider cooling off until you graduate. Yes, that’s a long time from now, but if you honestly believe this could be your guy, be disciplined about not crossing the line anymore. Difficult but possible to do! Otherwise, you jeopardize his career and future and your chances of ever being able to be with him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out my daughter is sexually active -- at 15! My wife and I found out through her text messages because our iClouds are connected. I just want to ground her. My wife told me it’s OK, and we have to act calm, but I can’t. She’s my little girl, and I wasn’t prepared for this to happen. My wife thinks this is her area of expertise, which I can agree with because she has been through this, but I think I should be in the conversation. Should I let my wife handle this, or do you think I participate as well? -- Stressed-Out Father, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR STRESSED OUT FATHER: If your wife thinks your daughter will listen to her, let her begin the conversation. What you both want to avoid is getting so angry that you speak to her in a way that shuts her down. What needs to happen is for you to get through to her. Perhaps her mom can start the conversation, letting her know what you have learned and asking her to talk about it. The goal is to create space for meaningful conversation. You want to find out who the sexual partner(s) may be, how long this has been happening and if she is using protection. Find out if she has been forced to do anything she's uncomfortable with. And learn what her intentions are. She needs to be either taught or reminded of the consequences of sexual activity before being mature enough to manage it. Personally, I think your wife should encourage your daughter to reconsider her sexual activity.

Your wife should take your daughter to the doctor for a thorough examination to ensure that she is not pregnant and to rule out sexually transmitted infections. The doctor can also talk to her about sexual protection and activity.

When you feel less upset, it will be your turn to talk to your daughter. At that time, speak from your heart, but do your best to avoid judgment. You want to reinforce your family’s values.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)