DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend received a wonderful award for his work in education. I was so proud to learn of this accomplishment. He worked hard for his degree and has devoted himself to children.

When I learned about the award, I immediately thought I should reach out to congratulate him. When I told my girlfriends about it, they told me not to say anything. We did not have a great breakup. He was rude to me. He had already started dating somebody else, and it was messy. I’m not trying to get back with him. I just want to say congratulations on a well-deserved award. Do you think I should withhold my comments because he made a mistake several years ago? -- Job Well Done, Albany, New York

DEAR JOB WELL DONE: Your instincts are good. If your desire is simply to congratulate him on his work, go for it. Your ability to let go of the past and celebrate the moment for what it is reflects who you are. Holding onto old wounds can be detrimental to your well-being. Now, this does not mean that you should allow this moment to spark renewed interest in the two of you forming a deeper bond. Allow it to be exactly as you intended, a moment to honor his achievement.

You can also give him space to speak. He may have processed the past and realized his folly. If he chooses to apologize for his past behavior, accept. Then get off the phone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who has serious B.O. I think she washes; her face and clothes look clean, but I swear -- she seriously stinks! This is different from some other colleagues who are from other parts of the world who smell like their food, which can also be bad. This smells like poor hygiene. What can I say about it? I am sensitive to smell, and she is killing me. -- Cannot Breathe, San Francisco

DEAR CANNOT BREATHE: This is a tough situation and one that requires tremendous sensitivity. I’m not sure that there is anything that you should say to her directly. Start, though, by paying attention to your co-worker. Get a sense of her life. Sometimes people disguise their reality. Is she really OK, or is she struggling? Notice her patterns. If you detect that she may be in financial trouble or even homeless, you may want to speak to her to ask if you can be of support. If you bond with her, that’s when you create space to talk about hygiene. She may need basic supplies that she does not have. She also may not have been taught how to practice cleanliness. This is hard for an outsider to teach someone who isn’t asking for it, so you need to tread lightly. You might create a care package of your favorite toiletries and offer it to her one day -- discreetly. Tell her that you love these items and thought she might, too.

For your personal space at work, bring in air freshener. You might place potpourri on your desk to keep your area smelling fresh.

If things continue to be unhygienic with this woman, speak to human resources and ask for support. They may have a protocol to help employees follow codes of cleanliness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at an event last week and learned that a woman I have known for all of my professional life is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. I am devastated. She was a force in our community, and I would see her from time to time. I admit that when I have seen her in recent years, she sometimes was distant, but I chalked that up to her just being odd. Now I have learned that she is largely not mentally present. I am so sorry. I’m told that mostly she doesn’t know people. I want to reach out anyway. Is it worth it? -- Friend in Need, Milwaukee

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Do your due diligence first. Identify a mutual friend who is close to her. Check in, saying that you recently learned of this woman’s condition. Ask if there is anything you can do to be of support. Add that you would like to be in touch with her or do something to let her know that you care about her and want to be of support. Be specific when you ask what you can do to help. You may be told that you can call, but be prepared that she may not recognize your voice. You may be advised to send her a small gift or a card. Your good wishes and prayers do count.

If she has caregivers, those people could use encouragement. It is very difficult to take care of a person with any type of dementia. Your loving support of them counts as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going home to visit family this Thanksgiving, and I’m kind of nervous. I haven’t been home in a long time, and I know that people have expectations of me and what I have accomplished since I have been gone.

Right now, my life is rocky. I lost my job and have been temping to pay the bills. I’m figuring it out, but I don’t want to talk about what’s going on. How can I be honest with people and keep my privacy? I really don’t want to talk about my trials and tribulations. -- Shut Up, Calvert County, Maryland

DEAR SHUT UP: You will need to decide what you are comfortable sharing about your life, because you know people will be asking. Most often the questioning comes out of love and a desire to support you and to be able to brag about what you are up to. Think of highlights that you can share about your life that are interesting and benign. Do you like to garden? What hobbies do you enjoy? Are you into fitness? Select something that points to how you have joy in your life.

As far as work goes, you can say that you are in transition. If you know what you are looking for or what you are interested in, you can talk about that while admitting that right now your work pays the bills but isn’t what you intend long-term.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Today marks the midterm Election Day across the United States. I am writing to you today with a plea to fulfill your civic duty. My column is not a place for political activism per se, and I’m not trying to turn it into that now. But I do think it is important to point out what should be obvious from a politically aware but neutral point of view: The right to vote is precious. When you look around the world and take note of the ways in which other governments work, you may be able to gain perspective on how fortunate we are in this country that virtually each one of us has the legal right to cast a ballot to say who we want to govern our cities, states and, indeed, the whole country.

For me, this is a no-brainer. Being African-American and knowing our history, I am clear that the right to vote was not a given for many years. Yes, in this country that we love so much, many black people were refused the right to vote for decades. A big part of the civil rights movement of the '50s and '60s was to secure the right to vote. Many blacks, particularly in the South, marched for this right, some even losing their lives in the process.

There were many tricks put into play to make it impossible for black people to vote, including literacy tests (illegal) and poll taxes (also illegal). And yet, persistence prevailed. The Voting Rights Act of 1965 ensured the right to vote regardless of race. It was created to uphold the 15th Amendment to the Constitution, which was enacted in 1870, but was largely unenforced in the South until this important piece of legislation was passed.

Similarly, women have been fighting for the right to vote for generations. It wasn’t until the 19th Amendment to the Constitution was made, in 1920, that women were afforded the legal right to vote. That, of course, was easier for white women. And still for all of these years, women have struggled with the realities of fighting for equal treatment under the law -- without grasping it in many cases. Indeed, the Equal Rights Amendment, which would guarantee equality for men and women under the law, is a piece of legislation that has yet to be voted through Congress.

Why do I say all of this? We need to know our history and exercise our rights. We live in a country of laws, where we elect individuals to stand up and represent our views and rights. And yet, most of us do not participate in the very basics of the political process. People are often too caught up in their day-to-day responsibilities or are unsure that their vote will make a difference.

I implore you to think differently. You must pay attention to what’s going on in your city, state and country. You must understand what issues are at stake right now and who represents different views about them. From there, you must take the time to cast your ballot.

Today is one of the most important days of your life, if you understand that who gets elected in your town will either support your values or not. Cast your ballot today. Make your vote count. And educate others about our history and responsibility to stand up for what we believe to be fair and just.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)