DEAR HARRIETTE: My son likes to wear nail polish. He gets creative with it, just like my daughter used to. I am concerned that this could mean that he is gay, even though his behavior doesn’t seem like it other than the nails. I know I’m not supposed to have thoughts about his sexual identity, but I would be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me. This nail polish thing came out of nowhere -- at least as far as I can see -- and I just don’t want him to take it too far. Soon he will be applying for college, and I don’t want his nail color to be a distraction. What should I say or do? -- Boy Wearing Nail Polish, Denver

DEAR BOY WEARING NAIL POLISH: First of all, it’s perfectly normal for a parent to have thoughts about a child’s sexual identity. What you want to avoid is having judgment about it. Of all of the things your son could do, wearing fingernail polish is on the benign side. It can be removed easily and is temporary. Your son could be having fun with style and feels comfortable drawing outside of the box, so to speak. But you should find out. Ask him why he started painting his nails and what that means for him. Listen carefully to his answers. In a separate exchange, you can also ask him if he’s gay. It’s OK to be direct in your inquiry. If you ask simply to learn the answer, you may receive a simple answer.

Regarding the nail polish itself, you can have a practical conversation where you recommend that he not wear colored polish to his college interviews. Suggest that it is best not to provide any distraction from his ability to present his mind and intellectual acumen to schools. This is true for males and females. Dressing conservatively for those interviews is best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is writing a book, and she asked me to do a first read. I work as an editor for a living, which is why she asked me. I tend to not want to get involved in these types of things because it rarely turns out well. I told her that I was too busy to do a thorough job. She begged me to skim it anyway. I couldn’t figure out how to get around it, so I agreed. I have started to read it, and it is poorly written. The grammar, sentence structure and basic storytelling sucked. How do I tell her that? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but there is no way that she is going to get this book published. I don’t have time to properly edit it for her. What do I say? -- Not an Author, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT AN AUTHOR: Since your friend entrusted you with her book, you owe her the truth. Tell her that you have read some of it, and it needs a lot of work. Point out some of the basic concerns, including grammar, sentence structure and storytelling. Suggest that she take a class or workshop where she can bring her book and work on it under the tutelage of a writing professional. Make it clear that you do not have time to offer her this service, but you know it is essential if she is to get her book published.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is Christian, and my college-age daughter just told us that her boyfriend is Muslim. She is nervous to bring him home because my husband has made it clear to her that he thinks Muslims are dangerous.

My daughter has tried to tell us about this young man. When I listen to her, he sounds pretty great to me. He treats her nicely, and she seems to be happy. I definitely want to meet him. I think the worst thing would be to ban him from our home. That will only make her want to commit to him more immediately. How can I get my husband to have an open mind about this young man? I think we should trust our daughter more. -- Open Your Mind, San Jose, California

DEAR OPEN YOUR MIND: Talk to your husband about your daughter and his concerns about the boyfriend’s religion. Admit that you didn’t expect your daughter to have a Muslim boyfriend, but you want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she has chosen someone who genuinely loves and respects her. Point out that while reports in the news sometimes suggest that certain Muslims are dangerous -- terrorists, even -- this cannot be true about all of them, just like there are Christians who have done bad things over the generations, but that doesn’t mean that every Christian is trying to conquer the world, for example.

Suggest that the two of you welcome the young man into your home so that you can meet him and talk to him. Getting to know the person your daughter loves is smart, even if you are skeptical. If he is standing in front of you, there is your opportunity to ask every question you can think of. Don’t miss out on this information-gathering moment because of any stereotypical views you may have about his religion. Get first-hand knowledge of who he is instead.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I host events at my job a lot, and it’s usually fun until we get to the Q&A segment. I feel like most participants who raise their hands just want to hear themselves talk. They don’t seem to have a real question, and they tend to take the whole event off-message. We give clear guidelines about how to ask questions succinctly, but it rarely seems to work. Sometimes people hog the microphone, and it can be awkward tearing it away from them. What can I do to keep control of the event? -- Give Back the Mic, Cleveland

DEAR GIVE BACK THE MIC: This is the big challenge of the Q&A format of live events. One organization that I work with controls this by giving audience participants notecards. If they think of questions, they are to write them down on the cards and then the moderator will select questions to read to the panelists, who will then answer. This controls the superfluous grandstanding and meandering that can occur when you relinquish control of the mic.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend received a wonderful award for his work in education. I was so proud to learn of this accomplishment. He worked hard for his degree and has devoted himself to children.

When I learned about the award, I immediately thought I should reach out to congratulate him. When I told my girlfriends about it, they told me not to say anything. We did not have a great breakup. He was rude to me. He had already started dating somebody else, and it was messy. I’m not trying to get back with him. I just want to say congratulations on a well-deserved award. Do you think I should withhold my comments because he made a mistake several years ago? -- Job Well Done, Albany, New York

DEAR JOB WELL DONE: Your instincts are good. If your desire is simply to congratulate him on his work, go for it. Your ability to let go of the past and celebrate the moment for what it is reflects who you are. Holding onto old wounds can be detrimental to your well-being. Now, this does not mean that you should allow this moment to spark renewed interest in the two of you forming a deeper bond. Allow it to be exactly as you intended, a moment to honor his achievement.

You can also give him space to speak. He may have processed the past and realized his folly. If he chooses to apologize for his past behavior, accept. Then get off the phone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who has serious B.O. I think she washes; her face and clothes look clean, but I swear -- she seriously stinks! This is different from some other colleagues who are from other parts of the world who smell like their food, which can also be bad. This smells like poor hygiene. What can I say about it? I am sensitive to smell, and she is killing me. -- Cannot Breathe, San Francisco

DEAR CANNOT BREATHE: This is a tough situation and one that requires tremendous sensitivity. I’m not sure that there is anything that you should say to her directly. Start, though, by paying attention to your co-worker. Get a sense of her life. Sometimes people disguise their reality. Is she really OK, or is she struggling? Notice her patterns. If you detect that she may be in financial trouble or even homeless, you may want to speak to her to ask if you can be of support. If you bond with her, that’s when you create space to talk about hygiene. She may need basic supplies that she does not have. She also may not have been taught how to practice cleanliness. This is hard for an outsider to teach someone who isn’t asking for it, so you need to tread lightly. You might create a care package of your favorite toiletries and offer it to her one day -- discreetly. Tell her that you love these items and thought she might, too.

For your personal space at work, bring in air freshener. You might place potpourri on your desk to keep your area smelling fresh.

If things continue to be unhygienic with this woman, speak to human resources and ask for support. They may have a protocol to help employees follow codes of cleanliness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)