DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been kind of going with the flow for years. We get along OK, but we are not close. I was thinking things are better than a few years back because at least we are not arguing much anymore. I realize, though, that this is not good. It’s almost like we have agreed to be civil, but we hardly ever talk to each other. We are barely even roommates. When I was starting off my life, I spent more time talking to my roommate than I do talking to him. I’m not thinking of leaving him. Shoot, I couldn’t afford that even if I wanted to. I’m worried that when our children go away to college, everything is going to fall apart. What can I do now to make my marriage better? -- Dead Marriage, Cincinnati

DEAR DEAD MARRIAGE: In the spirit of saving your marriage, go down memory lane and remember what you and your husband enjoyed doing together when you did have fun. What made you smile? What delighted each of you? Now think of what each of you likes to do now. Are there any intersections in your interests today? Consider an activity that you both would enjoy. Start small.

Plan date night once every two weeks. Tell your husband you want to create this special time for the two of you and make it sound like fun so that he will consider it. This can be something that is for just the two of you or sometimes a double date with another couple that you like. Create opportunities for you to get to know each other again and share time without the kids. You may also want to consider therapy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been so busy, I haven’t stayed in touch with my cousin who lives in the same city as me. We both left home years ago. I just saw her at an event, and I learned that her brother died a couple of months ago. I feel so bad that I wasn’t there for her. She is such a sweet woman, and I can tell that she is grieving. I apologized for not knowing or reaching out. I want to be there for her. What can I do that would be meaningful in her time of need? -- Grieving Cousin, New York City

DEAR GRIEVING COUSIN: Now that you know your cousin’s situation, stay in touch. Grief usually lasts for a while. If her brother died recently, chances are she will need loving support for an extended period of time. Death has a way of bringing people together sometimes.

If you are able to commit to connecting with her more frequently, she will appreciate it. It can be a natural way for the two of you to reconnect. Being a good listener is especially helpful in the grieving process. You really cannot have answers for her, but being there to hear her out may prove to be supportive.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbors have a volatile relationship. I often hear them arguing late at night. Sometimes it sounds like it gets violent, too. I am so worried for them, but I’m not quite sure what to do. We live in an apartment building with fairly thin walls, which is why I can hear so much. I wonder if I should knock on their door when the arguments escalate. Or should I call the police? I hesitate to do that as I don’t want to get anybody in trouble. I go back and forth; I would be sick if either of them got hurt and I could have helped to prevent it. What do you recommend? -- Violent Neighbors, Seattle

DEAR VIOLENT NEIGHBORS: The worst thing you can do is be a silent bystander and allow your neighbors’ violent behavior to go unchecked. You can call their house phone, if they have one, when you hear things escalating. Sometimes the phone can work as a distraction to stop the fight from growing. You can knock on the door to ask if they need help. You should not go in. If they are in the midst of a fight, your presence will only make things worse. You should call the police. As conflicted as you may feel, this is the safest course of action. You are not equipped to handle any repercussions that come from approaching the abuser. The person may turn on you or make it harder on the victim. Ask for professional help. For more ideas, go to:

breakthesilencedv.org/nine-ways-intervene-you-witness-abuse/.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that weed is becoming legal across the country, I am having a hard time convincing my teenage children that they shouldn’t smoke it. They shrug off my warnings that it will make them less productive in their schoolwork. They say I am being old-fashioned. Basically, they have stopped listening to me.

I am not against the legalization of marijuana from the perspective that I don’t think people who sell or use it should go to jail. In that way, it’s like alcohol. But I don’t want my kids to drink either. I want them to stay focused on their schoolwork and their future. How can I get that point across without seeming out-of-touch? -- No Weed, Denver

DEAR NO WEED: Lead with your vision for them. Tell them to think less about the law and more about their future. Anything that they consume that could cause them to be distracted from their future is a bad thing. Make sure you tell them that this doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t explore their lives fully, but using weed in any of its forms -- including the many edibles that are available -- is not the answer. Explain that weed can make you less productive at the very time when they need to be strong students preparing for college. Here are medical insights on what marijuana does to the brain: drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/what-are-marijuanas-long-term-effects-brain.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I look at my sister, and I am so worried about her. She has gained almost 100 pounds in the past few years. Her ankles are swollen, and she doesn’t look healthy. I love her, and I don’t want to see her die. I asked her if she has gotten a physical recently, and she brushed me off.

I know she doesn’t want to talk about any of this. She gets defensive whenever I even try to address her health. I feel like I would be a bad sister if I didn’t at least try to get her to get an evaluation of her health. Maybe if she gets a reality check, it will help her decide to make some changes in her life. What can I say to her to get her to take her health seriously? -- Obese Sister, Atlanta

DEAR OBESE SISTER: First, you have to be clear that you cannot control your sister. You can love her and lovingly tell her your observations, but you do not have a magic wand, and you cannot force her to do anything. One strategy you may want to consider is appealing to your love for each other. Tell your sister that you are worried about her. Point out that you see that she has gained a lot of weight, and you are worried for her health. Tell her how much you love her and need her in your life. Express your concern that she may face a health crisis in the future if she doesn’t make a change today. Beg her to get a physical. Tell her you will stand with her and support her in any way that you can, but you need her to get checked out to see what she can do to preserve her health.

Know that your sister may get angry with you. If so, so be it. Keep telling your sister that you love and need her. It may sink in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in an office where several of my co-workers are Spanish speakers. I have no issue with that. I do find it uncomfortable, though, when they speak to each other in Spanish when I am sitting right there with them. I’m not talking about during downtime. We will be working on a project together and they will switch from English to Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish, so I can figure out only a few of the words, but it always makes me feel that they are either talking about me or totally ignoring me. When I mention this to them, they apologize but keep on doing it. What can I do to get them to include me? -- Language Barrier, Dallas

DEAR LANGUAGE BARRIER: You may need to speak to your supervisor about this. But first, ask them if you can work together as a team. Tell them that you want to be collaborative, but it is impossible when they choose to speak Spanish when they know you do not speak or understand it. If your job is not bilingual, it should not be acceptable that they speak Spanish when they should be working with you.

After you make your case to them, speak to your boss. Explain the situation and ask for help. All you want is to be able to work together as a team without language limitations.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)