DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a sophomore in high school. He is a great student and generally a good kid. I discovered the other day that he has been smoking weed after finding one of those vape pens in his jacket pocket.

Now, I am no prude. When I was in high school, my friends and I tried it, too. But as a parent, I need to discourage this behavior. I want my kid to continue to be a good student and not to get distracted. Smoking weed can easily distract him from his studies -- not to mention, it is not legal in our state yet. What can I say to him that he will listen to? -- No More Weed

DEAR NO MORE WEED: Sit down with your son and tell him that you want to share your concerns -- without judgment. Be honest. Tell him that you know that he has been smoking weed -- or at least vaping the oil version of it. Make it clear that you do not think this is a healthy or safe choice for him, especially since he is a good student who needs to focus on his studies. Point out that many people who smoke weed get distracted and often spend less time on their homework. Ask him if he thinks that the consequences are worth it. You should also tell him that you tried weed when you were a teenager. Experimenting is normal, but you want to encourage your son to be mindful of what he might try, let alone continue to use.

Tell him you know that you cannot control his actions, even though you can create consequences if he does things that you do not allow. Make it clear that your intention is to protect and guide him to smart decisions based on all that you have learned. You can also encourage your son to do his own research so that he can understand for himself the pros and cons of his actions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a fairly large apartment building that, unfortunately, has thin walls. Over the past few months, I have heard my across-the-hall neighbors argue on a regular basis. It is disturbing and disruptive for us, because we can hear every word. Worse, though, the other night it sounded like the couple got into a physical fight. It sounded awful and violent. I heard it, but I didn’t know what to do. I hope nobody got hurt, but I’m not sure when to call the police. I don’t want to be that nosy neighbor who possibly gets somebody arrested, but I’m worried for these people. And I’m tired of having to listen to them. -- Violent Neighbors

DEAR VIOLENT NEIGHBORS: If you believe you hear or witness a crime, it is your duty to report it to the authorities. That includes calling the police if you believe that your neighbors are physically fighting. You can submit your complaint anonymously if that will make you feel more comfortable. But think about it for a moment -- you would be sick with grief if you didn’t speak up and either person ended up terribly hurt or even dead. Report it, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Someone sent me a Facebook message that included a disturbing video. Her preface was that it was horrible and that we, the people she had sent it to, should watch it and share it broadly. I rarely follow these kinds of directions, but I was compelled to watch the video. I am so sorry that I did. The video featured an infant being slapped, beaten and ultimately strangled. It was in close-up and not fake. It was the most horrible thing I have ever seen.

I wrote to the woman who sent it, telling her she needed to report it to the police immediately. When I went back to see if she responded, the whole post was gone. Maybe Facebook took it down. I don’t know. Is there anything else I should have done? I really wish that woman hadn’t posted that video. I can’t get it out of my mind. -- Horror on Social Media

DEAR HORROR ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Some things should never happen, let alone be seen. What you have described is a heinous crime that should never have been posted on Facebook -- or anywhere else. It is likely that Facebook took it down on its own.

What you could have done is to report the video yourself to Facebook by looking for their reporting link. Then you could call the police and point them to what you saw.

According to an article by journalist Kellie Cowan, "Suspicious content should be reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. The agency has a secure cyber tip line (missingkids.com/gethelpnow/cybertipline) or you can call 1-800-843-5678. It will alert the right people while ensuring a tipster stays on the right side of the law and is not unwittingly re-victimizing the child by spreading images of their abuse."

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son turns 18 this year, and I want him to get involved in the political process. He is interested and has been since he was in middle school. My husband and I are longtime Democrats, and we participated in the last presidential election, canvassing for Hillary Clinton, often bringing our son along.

Now that Democratic candidates are throwing their hats in the ring for the 2020 presidential election, there are many people to consider supporting. How can I help to guide my son’s choices during this time? -- Son in the Game

DEAR SON IN THE GAME: You should not try to point your son toward a particular candidate. Instead, encourage him to do his own research about each of them so that he can make informed choices as the race builds momentum. He should research candidates on both sides of the aisle, too.

When he is equipped with details about each candidate’s positions on important matters, he will be ready to make an informed decision. That’s how you can guide him.

You can also debate the issues with your son and engage him as he learns about the people who are running. The more you know, the better you will be able to demonstrate to him what you believe and how much research you have done.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that the weather is so cold, I am worried about my mom, who is old and lives by herself. The other day, when it was well below freezing, she told me that her heat wasn’t working well. I have invited her to stay with me for a few weeks -- until the cold blows over, just to be safe -- but she says she wants to stay home. I am not asking her to move in with me permanently. I know she values her independence, but I don’t feel like I can care for her properly when we are not in the same house during this period. I have a husband and young children to make sure I get to school, so I cannot move in with her. What should I do? -- Mom in Need

DEAR MOM IN NEED: You are experiencing that moment in a parent-child relationship when roles reverse, and it can be extremely challenging and emotional. Your responsibility now is to require your mother to do something for her health that she doesn’t prefer. You should bring her to your home during this cold spell. Let her know that you must do this for her, even if she doesn’t like it.

Remind her of your childhood, when she made you wear thermals or extra layers during the winter. What about times when she wouldn’t let you go outside and play with your friends for fear of frostbite? Bring up whatever else you remember that will illustrate for her some decision she made when you were a child and needed her guidance. Tell her that it is your turn now to care for her, and you will not allow her stubbornness to lead to her freezing in her own home. She has to come with you -- short-term -- until the weather breaks. Then, pack her bag and go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the parent who is proud that my children follow my directions and make smart choices, at least most of the time. So what I am now seeing is a bit disturbing. In this ice-cold weather, I told my teenage daughter to add a sweater layer to her clothing so that she would be warm enough when she went to school. Pretty direct, right? I reminded her three times because I know that she doesn’t think about outerwear the way that adults do.

As my daughter was walking out the door to go to school, I asked to see the sweater layer. She rushed to her room for a moment, zipping up her coat. I asked again to see the sweater. She then pulled out a wrinkly sweatshirt from her jacket that was clearly not on her body. I made her put it on and then asked why she thought it was OK to lie to me and not do what she was told. She shrugged. This disturbs me on so many levels. What can I do to get her to follow such a basic direction? -- Teenage Defiance

DEAR TEENAGE DEFIANCE: This is why you check and double-check your teenager’s behavior. What she says may not be what she has done. In your daughter’s case, she needs to know that if she lies to you again, she gets a privilege taken away. That could be that she has to come home directly after school without hanging out with friends, or when she’s at home, you restrict her mobile devices.

By losing what she values most, she may start to get the message that you mean business. You can also continue to remind her why you make the requirements that you do. Wearing warm clothes in the winter is a basic function of being a healthy human being. That goes for cool teenagers, too!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)