DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman who used to be a close friend just informed me that she is writing a tell-all memoir about her life, and she plans to include me in it. There is no scandalous story about the two of us that I know of, but she and I were close for a long time, and she knows a lot of my backstory. Like most people, there are plenty of things that I would rather not see the light of day, certainly not in somebody’s book.

I want to put a stop to this before she gets going. This woman can be evil, and she has turned on most of her friends over the years. As soon as she does that, she talks about them like they were dogs, even if seemingly moments before they were tight. I have heard from two other former friends that she has threatened to expose their secrets as well. In some instances, what she is threatening is false, but often some part of it is true. Is there anything we can do to stop her? -- Exposed

DEAR EXPOSED: According to Cornell University, “Libel is a method of defamation expressed by print, writing, pictures, signs, effigies, or any communication embodied in physical form that is injurious to a person's reputation, exposes a person to public hatred, contempt or ridicule, or injures a person in his/her business or profession." From this perspective, you would think you have the right to sue this woman for potentially damaging your reputation, if she proceeds to publish negative things about you. The caveat is that to file suit against someone for libel, you do need to be able to prove that what the person is saying or publishing is false. If the statements that this woman makes about you or others are accurate, you do not have a case -- even if what she is saying is horrible.

Still, you may want to team up with the other people and talk to an attorney. Perhaps someone representing the lot of you can go to this woman and appeal to her, making it clear that you will sue if she proceeds. You can sue whether you will likely win or lose.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently lost a lot of weight and was thinking that I should give away some of my clothes that are too big. I’m worried, though, because my weight tends to fluctuate. I have been working hard to lose, but what if I gain back those 20-odd pounds? I don’t want to have to buy more clothes later. My house is getting crowded by different sizes of clothing at this point. Should I chuck them and do my best to keep my weight down? I don’t know what to do. -- Not My Size

DEAR NOT MY SIZE: If you are serious about weight loss and want to raise the stakes, get rid of most, if not all, of your old clothes. Then, if you feel yourself gaining back some of the weight, immediately refresh your fitness and eating plan so that you stay the course. Make it difficult for yourself to have anything to wear if you get larger by giving away almost everything. This will help to clear out your closets and eliminate the fallback that you have relied on over the years. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a big party last week, and lots of friends came. We had a wonderful time. It is my practice to sit down and chat with a couple of people after big events and experiences just to talk about everything and remember the highlights of the night.

My friend who I wanted to talk to the most about the party has virtually disappeared. He does that, so I’m not worried about him, but I am disappointed. He knew how important this event was for me, and I expected him to be a little less selfish and more thoughtful. The debrief afterward is something we do together. I know I have to get over it, but how can I let him know that his absence hurt my feelings? -- The Debrief

DEAR THE DEBRIEF: Hopefully you have other friends who did the debrief with you so that you didn’t feel totally disconnected in the aftermath of your event. As far as this guy goes, tell him directly that it hurt your feelings that he didn’t complete your practice of talking about the event afterwards. But know that if this is his M.O., you may just have to accept that he will not be the one you can count on for that part of the experience.

It is important to accept what you know about people. Sometimes we make the mistake of superimposing our wishes onto others and then get our feelings hurt when they disappoint us. Don’t get caught up in that trap, or you will always end up disappointed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband gets drunk at least once a week, and he becomes belligerent and loud. It’s so disgusting to me. We live in an apartment building with thin walls, and I know the neighbors hear him when he gets loud and aggressive. He has never hurt me, but he gets pushy and kind of nasty in his language. He always wants to have sex when he’s drunk, and I definitely don’t want to do that. So we reach a standoff. It’s messy. How can I get him to understand that when he gets like that, it is a complete turnoff? -- Drunk Husband

DEAR DRUNK HUSBAND: When your husband is sober, get him to sit down and talk to you. Be courageous during this conversation. Tell him how it makes you feel when he gets drunk, loud and aggressive. Point out that it’s bad enough that you feel uncomfortable, but it’s worse because the neighbors can hear him. Ask him to curb his drinking.

Make it clear to your husband that you will not ever want to have sex with him when he is in that condition. Suggest that when he is sober and aware of himself, it is much easier for the two of you to enjoy each other’s company, including intimacy. If you can make it clear to him that the chance for that physical closeness that he wants is there if he can stop drinking, it may prove to be incentive for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned about Wendy Williams living in a sober living facility, and it shook me. I don’t know her or anything, but I do know that she has been open about her past drug use. I thought that was behind her by a dozen or more years. She even started a charity to help people climb out of addiction.

It worries me that even if you have money and knowledge about the perils of addiction, you can still succumb to it. I used to use Wendy as an example for my niece who has struggled with drug addiction; I'd point out that Wendy pulled herself out of a terrible situation and made a good life for herself. Now I don’t know what to say. My niece continues to deal with addiction issues. I didn’t hinge everything on Wendy, of course, but I feel like this latest revelation about her vulnerability only helps to make my niece’s situation that much more fragile. -- Fighting Addiction

DEAR FIGHTING ADDICTION: The stats for people fighting addiction in this country are staggering. In 2017, the National Survey on Drug Use and Health reported that 19.7 million American adults (aged 12 and over) battled a substance abuse disorder. Further, 1 out of 8 adults suffered with both alcohol and drug use disorders simultaneously. In terms of relapse, 40 to 60 percent of addicts and alcoholics relapse within the first year, though the numbers do go down to about 15 percent with years of recovery under the belt.

Addiction programs and counselors will tell you that the way you fight addiction is one day at a time. For your niece, the best you can do is talk to her about her life. Make it clear to her that addiction is a disease and that she should get help to keep her strong.

It should be noted that Wendy didn't mention a relapse in her announcement, just that she had moved into a sober living facility. That said, she can still be an example of how hard it is to stay sober. Use her story to support your niece.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I talk to my goddaughter regularly, and she is a sweet young woman. She has been on her own for a couple of years now, and it sounds like she is building a nice life for herself. She has a good job, but she had a boyfriend who didn’t treat her well. She dumped him recently, but he keeps coming back. I tell her that she needs to expand her horizons, but when he calls, she jumps.

My goddaughter recently met a guy who is smart and kind and likes her a lot. They have been going out, and it sounds good. Still, she remains emotionally available to the other one. How can I help her to see that this guy is an opportunist and selfish, and he isn’t worth her time? -- Bad Boyfriend

DEAR BAD BOYFRIEND: All you can do is tell her what you know a healthy relationship looks like. Describe what she deserves, and remind her of her value. Try not to talk negatively about this man, as that might drive her closer to him. Instead, paint a picture for her of what you believe she deserves. Encourage her to give the other man a chance, too!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)