DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a love-hate relationship with my cousin. We have become close in recent years, but he also gets on my nerves.

He recently moved back to our hometown because he lost his job, and he couldn’t afford to stay where he was living. Both of his parents are dead, so he really is alone. That said, he constantly calls me. Sometimes he calls twice a day to talk about nothing. I get that friends do that, but he goes overboard.

I don’t want to walk away from my cousin, but I do not know how to keep some boundaries in my life and, at the same time, get to know him better. I don’t want to shut the door on him. -- How To Connect

DEAR HOW TO CONNECT: You have to create boundaries with your cousin, just as you would with anybody else. You can continue to get to know him without having to agree to connect with him whenever he chooses. Figure out what healthy engagement with him looks like. Is it once a week? Once a month? A couple of days a week? Now think about how often you actually do communicate with him. If you speak far more frequently than you’d like, pull back. You can even tell your cousin that your schedule is full, and you will not be able to speak to him as frequently as you have up to now. If he continues to call too often, let the calls go to voicemail when you are unavailable.

You will have to train him to recognize that when you are unavailable, you really will not connect with him. If you do that successfully for a few months, he should get the message.

It is essential to understand that by limiting your engagement with him, you are not loving him less. Instead, you are respecting yourself and your time and also creating a healthy space to engage with him in a positive manner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for three months. A month ago, he asked me to be his “girlfriend,” which was very sweet, and I accepted. We are in community college together.

Since we have been dating for this long and are now committed, should I get him a Christmas gift? If so, what is appropriate? I really don’t want to overplay my hand. In the past, I have gone all out for boyfriends -- only to get burned. I want to be appropriate, but I also want to show him that I like him. What should I do? -- Gifting for New Beau

DEAR GIFTING FOR NEW BEAU: Why not use this as an opportunity to get to know your boyfriend better? Ask him about his family’s holiday rituals. Find out what he did as a child for the holidays, including gift-giving.

You can also be direct about gifting between the two of you. Ask him if he would like to exchange gifts with you for the holidays. If so, talk about what you both would like as gifts. A friend of mine used to make rules around gift-giving with her partner. They would set low price limits and see how creative they could be in coming up with the perfect gift. You can make the gifting experience fun if you do it together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my daughter was a baby, we had a nanny who took care of her for many years. Time has passed so quickly; my daughter is about to go to college.

We recently heard from our former nanny, and she really wants to see my daughter before she goes away. The problem is that my daughter is so caught up in her friends and school that she is usually too busy to think about the elders in her life -- even though she loves her nanny a lot. How can I get her to slow down for a minute and make time to see this person who is important to her? -- Nanny Love

DEAR NANNY LOVE: Now is the time to put your foot down. Schedule a time when you invite your nanny over or organize a meal at a restaurant or some other mutually comfortable location. Let your daughter know that it is a requirement that she make time to visit with her former nanny. Don’t set it up as a punishment; instead, encourage her to be excited by letting her know how special it is that her nanny wants to see her after so many years. In the end, though, make it clear that you expect your daughter to show up with a smile on her face to spend time with this trusted extended family member. If she refuses, take away some privileges until she is forced to wake up to who she is and what she values.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to the funeral of a friend’s father. He was a prominent person in his hometown, and the funeral was very nice -- as those things go. My friend, however, was very upset.

When we were growing up, my friend used to say that her father was mean to her and her brother. Now that he has died, those old memories are bubbling up, and she is upset again.

At the family gathering after the funeral, we had to take her to another room when she started shouting about how mad she was at her dad. She has a right to her feelings, but the way she handled herself at the funeral was not good. I think she needs help in order to get past these bad memories. How can I get her to see this? -- Grieving Friend

DEAR GRIEVING FRIEND: Death stirs up all manner of emotions, and people do need to go through whatever surfaces. That doesn’t mean that your friend should have gotten a pass for being rude at her father’s funeral. It does mean that now would be the perfect time to get professional help to sort through what she’s feeling.

As her friend, you can gently suggest that a grief counselor might be useful as she explores her emotions. Tell her that you wish you had the training and experience to help her properly, but you don’t. Encourage her to engage a professional who can listen to her objectively and help her understand what her thoughts and feelings mean and how to process them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the past few weeks, I have learned about several friends or people that I know who have died in their sleep. It is scaring me so much. These people were pretty young -- in their 40s and 50s. Each seemed relatively healthy, though one woman had the flu or some other similar respiratory problem. They have got me so worried, I can hardly sleep.

My husband calls me a hypochondriac because I have gone to the hospital a few times when I have had heart palpitations or other weird chest pains. So far, the doctors have never figured out that anything is wrong with me. I have stopped going to the hospital since they never find anything, but sometimes I wake up or can’t go to sleep because of weird chest pains. I don’t want to die -- or waste time, energy and money rushing to the hospital. How can I know when it is time to go? -- Emergency

DEAR EMERGENCY: It is time for you to get a physical. Go to your doctor and get a complete health workup. Explain what you have experienced and also your fears surrounding recent deaths. Ask for medical guidance for yourself so that you can learn the warning signs of possible emergency situations. Talk to your doctor about anxiety. Figure out if you possibly are experiencing any type of anxiety right now and if you are eligible for some type of medical support during this period.

Ask your husband to be more supportive. Tell him about the people who have recently passed away, and make it clear to him that you are worried because of it. Point out that when he passes judgment over your worries, it only makes you worry more. Most importantly, get support so that you can determine what your warning signs are. Hopefully this will help you to relax a bit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been invited to a lot of special holiday events this season because I have a new job that is very social. I am excited to attend these functions, but I don’t begin to have the wardrobe for it. I have just graduated from college. I can’t wear the same dress every night. How can I manage the responsibilities of the social side of my job without going broke? -- Dress To Impress

DEAR DRESS TO IMPRESS: Start with a basic black cocktail dress and evening shoes, and invest in a few different accessories. If you change your earrings and necklace, you can stretch one simple look into several. Similarly, you can change your hairstyle, which will help to give you a refreshed look. You can also consider renting outfits for a nominal fee so that you can temporarily expand your wardrobe. There are several services available today that offer this option, including renttherunway.com, armoire.style and tbdress.com.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)