DEAR HARRIETTE: We are approaching the end of this year, and I hate to admit it, but I have not reached the goals I set for myself back in January. It seems like the year has zipped by. I worked a lot, but not on the things that I had prioritized. I have mainly done the status quo: working to pay the bills, seeing my friends a little bit, communicating more on social media than anything and mostly being isolated. I haven’t had the money to hang out with people, so I have become a bit of a homebody. But now I see that my choices have left me squarely where I was a year ago, though probably about 15 pounds heavier. I am disgusted with myself. What can I do to be more committed now? I know it’s too late for this year, but I don’t want to give up on myself. -- Dashed Intentions

DEAR DASHED INTENTIONS: Every day that you wake up presents a new opportunity to set an intention and follow through on it. I think part of the problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they are often unwieldy or vague and virtually impossible to manage.

Forget about what you pledged earlier this year. Take a good, hard look at today. What do you need to do to make yourself happy? Make a list of 10 things that you would like to accomplish that can lead you to your goals. Make them concrete and manageable. For example, if losing weight is one of them, add more detail, such as cutting out sugar for a month -- then counting down each day of the month -- or working out three days a week -- then marking the days on the calendar and scheduling your workout time so that you don’t miss it. The same can go for career goals, in-person connections with friends and loved ones and so on. If you break down each goal into small steps, you can check off the steps as you accomplish them. This should make you happy!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle has been ill on and off all his life. He's currently sick. The trouble is that when he gets ill, he puts up an imaginary protective bubble around himself, which no one can enter. When you ask his wife what's happening, she won't answer. Each successive bout of illness has put that much more strain on my uncle's system. Nobody knows what's wrong, but I fear he'll pass away soon. I want to see him again before he dies; if I don't, I'm afraid I'll regret it. However, he's emphatic about not letting anyone in right now. I desperately need to know what's wrong. How can I solve these conundrums and find answers before I lose my uncle? -- Last Wishes

DEAR LAST WISHES: Chances are, you will have the best chance of seeing your uncle again if you stop asking what’s wrong with him. Clearly, your aunt and uncle have decided they don’t want to talk about your uncle’s health. Accept that you cannot control your uncle’s fate. Tell your aunt that you miss them and want to visit. Be direct and let her know that you want to be able to say goodbye before your uncle passes. Promise that you won’t stay long. If she refuses, pray for them and accept that you may not be able to see him again. She is doing the best she can, so try not to get mad at her

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought some jewelry from a vendor, but I needed to return it. We organized the return, but she gave me the wrong ZIP code. It took me a month to track the package so that she could pick it up. Now it has been another month, and she hasn’t gone to pick it up. At this point, I’m tired of waiting for my money back. It’s on her that she has had family and work issues and hasn’t been able to go to the distribution center to pick up the package. I feel that I should not have to wait any longer.

The vendor agreed to refund me if I returned the items to her. I have done my part. How can I get her to comply? It’s the holidays, and I could use that extra money. Plus, I don’t like the way she is handling her business. It shouldn’t take nearly two months to resolve this situation. -- Money Back Please

DEAR MONEY BACK PLEASE: Contact the vendor and express your sorrow for whatever challenges she has been facing. Also let her know that you believe you have waited long enough, and you would like to receive a refund now. If you use any of the electronic methods of money transfer, suggest that to her. If you paid by credit card, ask her to refund your card. Make it clear that you would like those funds to be released to you as soon as possible. Give her a date by which you expect to receive them. Make it clear that you are no longer willing to wait for her to go to the distribution center to retrieve the items. You have given her plenty of time to handle that -- and the items would have reached her directly had she given you the proper address.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get sick every year around the holidays. The same thing used to happen to my mother. She would go into overdrive going to tons of events, and right before Christmas, she would be in bed with a cold. I have noticed that I follow the same pattern, even though it is not a conscious decision. What can I do to balance my time better? I am excited to be invited to all these events, and I feel it is good for business for me to attend. But I also know that it is not healthy to get sick every year after overdoing it. How can I strike a balance? -- Party Girl

DEAR PARTY GIRL: You must take care of yourself -- especially during this busy season. As far as your schedule goes, map out all your invitations and prioritize them. Accept that you cannot attend everything. Go to the events that matter the most to you, and don’t stay to the end if you can leave early.

Drink a lot of water -- more than usual if you also drink alcohol. Exercise three times per week. Eat in moderation, and be mindful of cocktail party food that is usually high in salt and calories and low in nutrition. Pay attention to when you go to sleep. Getting enough rest is what doctors say most people neglect to do. With proper rest and nutrition, as well as wearing warm clothes, you may be able to curtail illness. Wash your hands frequently, and slow down when you begin to feel bad.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned that one of my neighbors lost his job and is about to be evicted. It turns out, he hasn’t had electricity in his apartment for more than a year. Who knew? I feel horrible. I could have cooked him a hot meal or been more attentive.

I like this guy. Whenever I would see him, he always looked so chipper. I had no idea he was suffering. At this point, it sounds like he has to move. I want to reach out to tell him I care about him without embarrassing him. Is it trite to invite him over for drinks or dinner? I’m not trying to get in his business. I just want to be a good neighbor. -- Extending a Hand

DEAR EXTENDING A HAND: Talk to the person who let you know what is going on with this neighbor to find out about his state of being and whether they think it would be a wise idea to invite him over. Be mindful not to gossip or be more inquisitive than feels natural.

If it seems right to invite him over, do so. You can keep it light. Tell him that you haven’t seen him in a long time and wanted to see him during the holiday season. If he comes, don’t pry. Just enjoy a light moment. If he tells you about his circumstances, be compassionate without asking too many questions. Make sure you have his phone number and email address, and give him yours. That way, you can send him a holiday message no matter where he is and keep your connection if you so desire.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been planning a trip around the holidays since the beginning of this year. We finalized all the details about a month ago. Now, he tells me that we can’t go anymore. Apparently his mother doesn’t approve, and she wants him to come home for the holidays. He hasn’t gone home for Christmas for several years, and he and his family are not close.

I don’t appreciate that his mother is asserting herself now that he has a girlfriend. Oh, and she didn’t invite me to go with him, either. What’s worse is that my boyfriend is caving. Since she has called for him, he is ready to let go of our plans just like that and go to her. I don’t want to ask him to choose between his mother and me, but I also think this is unfair. How can I share my view with him without sounding whiny? -- Bad Mom

DEAR BAD MOM: Your boyfriend may have been waiting for an entree to rekindle his bond with his mother. Who knows? You should ask him why he is willing to ditch your plans together, especially since he doesn’t normally spend the holidays with his mother. Tell him that you do not want to stand between the two of them. Admit that this situation makes you feel uncomfortable and sad. Of course you would like for him and his mother to have a strong relationship, but you two made plans, and you are sad to walk away from them. Ask if visiting his mother at a different time might be an option.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)