DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past few weeks, my apartment has been the focus of somebody’s wrath. Someone has been running up to my door and crashing into it. The sound is frightening, but I have yet to see who’s doing it. By the time I get to the door, the person is long gone, and we don’t have security cameras. Recently, someone spray-painted my door, and on another occasion, someone sprayed what looked like fire extinguisher fluid all over it.

I am getting a security camera to see if I can catch the person. Meanwhile, I thought it was a guy in my building who is always lurking around. I had a neighbor speak to his mother, and he came down to tell me that he hasn’t done anything. I feel bad if I have accused the wrong person, but I don’t know what to do. I do know for a fact that this young man has harassed other neighbors. So I’m not sure if he is telling the truth. -- Vandalized

DEAR VANDALIZED: It’s good that you are getting a security camera. Now you will be able to see firsthand who the culprit is if he or she does it again. Keep your eyes open. Be extra-vigilant when you go outside. If someone is targeting you, it’s important to pay attention to everything and everyone around you. You should call the police and report the incidents as well. But without evidence of who may be doing it, the police will not be able to help you very much.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to share my two cents with the reader who was upset that her son wasn’t bathing much. You had suggested taking away electronics, but I’d argue that the current generation is not like we were in the ‘70s and ‘80s. Back then, my son would shrug and not care. Now, cutting him off from his support network -- if he has one -- might be just the thing to tip him over to suicide. Have a conversation. Ask nicely. Ask if something is wrong. Talk about the current situation. Ask if he would like to go anywhere and what you can do. Explain that you all live together, and it would be considerate for him to be clean. Find out if there is something he would like -- less tofu for dinner (for example) -- where you can compromise.

Strongarm techniques don't work on 3-year-olds, and they don't work on older kids either. You don't motivate someone by punishing them. You find something they want and inspire them to get there. -- Mother of a 22-Year-Old

DEAR MOTHER OF A 22-YEAR-OLD: You have said a lot of things. I will add that talking to your family members, of all ages, during this time of quarantine is essential. It is tough to be cooped up at home, and both habits and behaviors can be extreme during this time. Communicate.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and brother both live in my house with me. I told my mom last year when they moved in that I was going to run the air conditioning all summer, and I did not want the windows or doors open -- period. My mom likes to have her window wide open all year. We ended up arguing about the windows being open while the air conditioning is running pretty much all summer long. I told her this year that I'm going to run the air, windows shut, no discussion about it. She already has been arguing that it shouldn't affect the temperature in the house and has opened her windows anyway. I have a ranch-style house, so it's not like she is in an upstairs bedroom where it is particularly hotter than the rest of the house. I keep the air at 70 degrees.

I don't want to fight with her, but I feel disrespected by her blatant disregard for my simple request. And as far as my brother is concerned, I asked him not to stink up his room with smoking, and his room now reeks of stale cigarette smoke. He has a nice deck attached to his room, so this is really irritating. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How can I ask them both to move out without causing World War III? -- Follow My Rules

DEAR FOLLOW MY RULES: For your brother, you should put your foot down -- hard. No smoking in your house, period. Tell him that if he continues to smoke, he will have to move. I don’t think you should even allow him to smoke on the deck because the smoke will still waft back into the house. Secondhand smoke is deadly.

It’s trickier with your mother. Some people aren’t comfortable without fresh air. Instead of trying to force her to close her window, request that she keep her door closed at all times. In this way, the air conditioner won't be working so hard to cool off her room.

I say the deal breaker is the cigarettes, not the open window.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to the woman who was concerned about drinking too much during the quarantine was spot on! I'd like to add that it is not necessary to admit you are an alcoholic in order to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting (online or in person): “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." Additionally, there are open AA meetings, which are available to anyone, regardless of their drinking situation, and closed AA meetings, which are for those who want to stop drinking.

Many folks need what these meetings have to offer but may not be ready to consider themselves alcoholics or addicts. I know when I first walked through the doors of AA 15 years ago, I couldn't yet say those words -- "I'm an alcoholic." Ironically, when I finally said out loud what others had known for years, it was quite liberating. -- Recovering Alcoholic

DEAR RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC: Thank you for your welcoming clarification. For anyone who feels drawn to get support with their drinking, AA is immediately available to help you -- even online. Go to aa.org.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I received a lot of mail about my column about videoconferences and the fact that I think it is smart for everyone to show their faces at least once during these calls as a way to create better connections. The following letters give a sense of the range of comments that you had -- all of which are valid.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman who videoconferences using audio only. I do this because my husband is an essential worker, and I have three children. So while on these calls, I am helping them with schoolwork, helping them in the bathroom, breaking up skirmishes, etc. I am quite certain that watching these goings-on would be incredibly distracting. So rather than all women being so vain they can't bring themselves to be seen on camera, perhaps we could consider that even during a crisis, women do a disproportionate amount of the child-rearing. Perhaps that would allow people to extend more compassion and less judgement. -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: I agree that you should not keep the camera on when you are taking care of your children. I also think it is wise to show your face briefly and, whenever possible, when you are speaking.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good bit of the challenge senior leaders face comes down to how they present themselves in the world and how they communicate. From that perspective, I was intrigued by your reply to the writer exasperated by some female co-workers who choose not to be visible on office videoconferences.

You hit a couple of the points that crossed my mind when reading the letter. What I did not see was mention of two very significant issues I see embedded in the situation: women becoming invisible in the workforce and body language.

I'm sure you would agree that all too often, female employees lack the exposure or platform that enables them to demonstrate their full potential. Among the standard organizational "remedies" for that are some kind of self-esteem or assertiveness training and mentoring programs. Those can be helpful. What is decidedly not helpful is for women to purposefully become less visible on videoconference calls. If participating fully on a videoconference requires making more of an effort to achieve one's standard level of appearance, then I say shame on them for not making it. All the talk about and effort toward empowerment is quickly washed away when an employee's choices sabotage her own interests.

Second, communication occurs on three "frequencies" -- words, tone and body language. When the listener cannot experience the speaker's body language, as in this case, an enormous amount of meaning is lost. That weakens the impact of the speaker's remarks, further exacerbating the problem of being purposefully invisible. -- Professional Coach

DEAR PROFESSIONAL COACH: We live in a world where women are still valued less than men. To counter that, I think women should be as present as possible, even in the virtual workplace. But let me add that my main point about showing your face on video calls is for both men and women. When so many of us are still in quarantine, human interaction is even more important. Being able to see one another during work interactions matters.

I understand that the challenges of being at home are real and may make it impossible to always be on camera. But I recommend that all of us find a way to connect as meaningfully as we can from a distance. I believe that should include showing your face.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)