DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a politically active 27-year-old woman. My younger brother, who is just about to enter college, informed me that he wants to join a fraternity. I actively protested against fraternities during my time in college, as I believe they promote toxic masculinity and are spaces of sexual harassment. I also have several friends who were harassed by fraternity members during their time at college. I don’t want my brother to be influenced by this toxic environment, so how should I dissuade him from joining? Or should I allow him to make his own mistakes and simply talk to him about his experiences while in the fraternity as they come up? -- Open His Eyes

DEAR OPEN HIS EYES: You may remember when you were his age that it was hard to listen to your elders as you were trying to become independent. Tread lightly as you talk to your brother. Your goal should be to get him to listen to you. You can suggest that he do some research on the fraternity that interests him. Encourage him to find out about the fraternity’s history on campus and in the broader community. Suggest that he watch out for any fraternity that has the reputation of extreme hazing, sexual harassment or excessive drinking.

Tell your brother that you want him to have a great college experience, and as his sister you want to ensure that he is safe and that he is making smart decisions. Point out what you know about some fraternities. I emphasize “some,” because not all Greek-letter organizations are reckless, irresponsible or dangerous. If you resist lumping them all into one category, your brother may be able to hear your concerns better. If he does join, keep the lines of conversation open. Do your best to stay in touch with him during the pledge process so that you can step in if he seems to be in danger. But know that you cannot live his life for him. You can be of support, but don’t try to tell him what to do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling financially for years. Recently I got a job that pays more than I have made in more years than I want to count. I want to take my family on a vacation. We hardly ever get to go anywhere because the money is so tight. I also know that I should put away some money for retirement. Right now, that pot is empty. Do you think it’s wrong for me to want to do both? Am I being foolish in trying to splurge a teeny bit for my family when I know I need to save? -- Want a Vacation

DEAR WANT A VACATION: Your desire for a little spark of joy and change of locale is certainly understandable, especially during these times when we have been cooped up at home for so long. Before making your decision, take a look at your finances. Are you up to date on your bills? Prioritize your expenses so that you have a clear sense of your situation. Figure out what you can save right now. Then look at what’s left. It may be possible for you to plan a modest and safe getaway with your family while putting money away for the future. Airplane tickets are super-affordable now, as is gasoline. Research nearby getaways that might make your family happy without breaking your budget.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I am ready to get married and have kids, but I’m only 19. I am still in college, but I think that is what I’d rather be doing. Most of my family members started their families very young, and I feel like it’s the right thing to do. I know I am young and that’s very discouraged nowadays, and I also know that these are important years for growth and self-discovery. Should I go with my heart and try and start a family after graduation, or should I wait? -- Ready for Marriage

DEAR READY FOR MARRIAGE: It’s good to be clear about your intentions for your life. It’s also wise to consider your circumstances and evaluate the timing of your next steps. If your soul is telling you that you want to make a family now, go a step further and imagine what that looks like. Do you have a partner now? If not, what are the qualities that you want in a spouse? Make a list. Attracting the right person for the life you want to build is important. Your list will help you notice people who fit the profile of someone with shared values and interests.

Since you are still in college, can you focus on completing your studies and mapping out what your work life may become? Most people have to work whether they are single or not. It is smart for you to plot a course for how you can support yourself. If you do marry soon, this plan will also have you poised to help support your family.

There’s nothing wrong with getting married and starting a family when you are young. Set yourself up for success by taking the time to envision your future and doing all you can to enable yourself to make it happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I set boundaries with my dad who wants to reconnect with me? I am 20 years old, and my mom and dad divorced when I was 2. I was raised by my mom, who told me he was really abusive to her. My mother has been controlling and abusive throughout my life, so I don’t know whether or not to trust my dad because I’ve only heard my mom’s perspective. How do I figure out how much to trust him, and whether I should work to reintroduce him into my life in a healthy way? -- Rediscovering Dad

DEAR REDISCOVERING DAD: Take some time to talk to your dad so you can figure out if his intentions are genuine and whether he’s reformed since your parents' divorce. Eighteen years is a lot of time for someone to grow, so cautiously give him a chance, but set boundaries on the amount of time you talk so that it doesn’t end up taking up too much of your life. In this way, you have a set amount of time and space in which you can get to know him and learn whether or not you see the relationship as something you would like to continue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Russian immigrant who came to the U.S. seven years ago as a refugee when I was 16. As I've entered my 20s, I have begun to become more politically engaged. However, I have always had trouble wrapping my head around American race relations, as they are so different from those of my home country. As the current escalations on the issue of police brutality around the country happen, I want to engage in activism and important conversations, but I have no idea where to start or what my opinions are. Especially as a white person who did not grow up in America, how do I inform myself and engage with a discourse that is not as personal to me? -- Educate Me

DEAR EDUCATE ME: Thank you for your letter and your sincere interest in expanding your understanding about a complicated and deeply rooted topic in American history. What's happening today is historic in the sense that everyone is affected, and many people of all backgrounds are leaning in to learn and address the challenges that face us. Thanks to the marches in the streets and the calls for change, the whole world is awakening in a more meaningful way to the impact of racial injustice, police brutality, unequal pay and lack of equity in our country. You are right that these issues are not the same in every country, which means that not everyone shares the same knowledge base or experience. Truth be told, even many Americans, particularly white Americans, do not have the historical knowledge of this country's relationship to racial injustice that might seem to be a given.

And so, it is time for all of us to get educated. One way to start is by reading. Many scholars, anthropologists, cultural critics and historians have written about the history of race relations in the United States. I recommend that you begin to read so that you can expand your knowledge. Here are a few books to consider:

-- "So You Want to Talk About Race" by Ijeoma Oluo

-- "Americanah" by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (details a black person moving to America and dealing with race in America for the first time, a new perspective to add to your own)

-- "The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in The Age of Colorblindness" by Michelle Alexander

-- "The Half Has Never Been Told: Slavery and the Making of American Capitalism by Edward E. Baptist

-- "The Autobiography of Malcolm X: As Told to Alex Haley"

-- "The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America" by Richard Rothstein

-- "How to be an Antiracist" by Ibram X. Kendi

-- "Chokehold: Policing Black Men" by Paul Butler

-- "They Were Her Property: White Women as Slave Owners in the American South" by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers

You may also want to look at some films that shed light on race relations in America. Consider these:

-- "Imitation of Life" by Douglas Sirk

-- "In the Heat of the Night" by Norman Jewison

-- "Let the Fire Burn" by Jason Osder

-- "Selma" by Ava Duvernay

-- "13th" by Ava Duvernay

-- "Just Mercy" by Destin Daniel Cretton

-- "The Black Panthers: Vanguard of the Revolution" by Stanley Nelson

-- "12 Years a Slave" by Steve McQueen

-- "A Raisin in the Sun" by Daniel Petrie

-- "Boyz in the Hood" by John Singleton

-- "The Butler" by Lee Daniels

-- "Fruitvale Station" by Ryan Coogler

-- "Dear White People" by Justin Simien

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it should give you some perspective on what's happening in this country and why people are feeling the way that they are. Welcome to the conversation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)