DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine owns a painting company. I hired him and his workers to paint my home a new color. I signed a contract like any other customer, but when I asked for the invoice, he said to pay what I am comfortable with. He wouldn’t tell me what he usually charges, and I have never had something like this done before. I don’t want to underpay him, but I don’t want to overpay him either. What is the best way to approach paying him and his workers? -- A Grateful Friend

DEAR A GRATEFUL FRIEND: What an uncomfortable position to be in! Your friend thinks he is doing you a favor by telling you to pay what you can. Unfortunately, this is not as kind as he thinks because it requires you to do work that may not yield accurate results. You need to get your friend to understand how tough this situation is for you.

Thank your friend for being kind in not charging you his normal price. Tell him that since you have never hired a painter before and do not know what it should cost, you have no idea what to pay. Tell him that you will pay him when he is able to give you a price. Point out that his workers did a good job and deserve to be paid right away, but you have no idea what to pay them. Perhaps he can tell you his normal price and then offer you a percentage discount. Sometimes the “friends and family discount” can run from 20% to 50%. You can tell him you have found that out from your research. Perhaps he will be willing to share the regular price while recommending that you pay a discounted fee.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Thank you for the advice that you offered to “On the Edge,” who was concerned about their increased drinking. May I offer one additional piece of information for future reference? Alcoholics Anonymous (or any 12-step program) is NOT for everyone.

An alternative or supplemental resource (for some) is SMART Recovery, which utilizes the concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy to examine, analyze and alter the way in which we think and rationalize our thoughts. It's worth taking a look! I've seen SMART Recovery's meetings and methodologies help many, many people. You can visit SMARTRecovery.org for more information. -- Alternative Support

DEAR ALTERNATIVE SUPPORT: Thank you for sharing information about another program that can help people who are battling addiction. Indeed, there are a number of organizations that are dedicated to supporting people who have found themselves in the throes of addiction. I encourage people to get support however they can, because it is possible to be freed of addiction.

I will point out that traditional therapy is also an option. Many therapists are certified with specialization in treating people with addictions. Do your research to find the right fit for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got out of a relationship not too long ago that I believe was toxic for both of us. We took our time apart, but he has appeared again in my life asking to start over and be friends. He says that he is different and he wants me to get to know the “new” him; however, I am not sure what to do. Should we be friends and see if there is a relationship for us in the future, or should I just leave it alone and move on and continue healing? I need some help. -- A Girl on the Rise

DEAR A GIRL ON THE RISE: Trust your gut. You say that you “just got out of a relationship” and that it was “toxic.” It probably took a lot for you to be able to extricate yourself from this relationship. I suggest that you stay the course and build your life independent of your ex. You can congratulate him on turning his life around and wish him well. But don’t welcome him back so soon. Even if he has had an "aha!" moment and is committed to being a better man, he needs time to practice that. Encourage him to live his life as you live yours. Don’t go backward. Stay on the rise.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your advice to the woman whose dog passed away and wanted her neighbor to be there for the dog's funeral. As a “mother” of an almost-16-year-old dog, I just had to write a response to the neighbor who felt this was “over the top.” She should feel honored that she was invited to this funeral. It shows what the dog mom thinks of her in wanting her to be there to share her grief. I am glad the dog mom does not know how the neighbor feels about this, and I am equally glad that you told her to keep it to herself.

My husband and I were never able to have children, and we decided against adoption for various reasons. My dog has become my “son,” and I love him like any mother would love their human child. I know I will lose him soon, and the loss will be tremendous. I wonder to myself how am I going to go on without him. He is truly the light of my life. My husband knows this; a love between a parent and a child is different than a love between spouses.

I hope you will share this response with the neighbor who feels the dog funeral is “over the top.” I feel she needed a little more explanation. -- Proud To Be a Dog Mom

DEAR PROUD TO BE A DOG MOM: Thank you for sharing your story. You are right -- for many people who do not have children, their pets take on that role. And the love shared between pets and their owners can be strong. I have witnessed this in my own family and with friends and neighbors.

Back to the point of the original question: If you are invited to the funeral of a pet, consider it an honor to be included -- and participate with respect, whether or not you understand it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a really great job that has good benefits. The job itself isn’t what I think I would want to do forever, but I’m comfortable. Recently, there were proposals for the reduction of our benefits. Some of those proposals were passed, which resulted in the loss of those benefits. Now I worry that I could potentially lose more than what I’m willing to live with.

At this point in my life, I’m at a crossroads. Should I continue on my current path because I’m comfortable, or should I start searching for a career that entertains my true interests, especially since the benefits here aren’t guaranteed anyway? -- Crossroads Millennial

DEAR CROSSROADS MILLENIAL: If you are not working toward what you want your career to be, make a plan to get to the job of your dreams. That doesn’t mean that you should up and leave your job now. Instead, do your research. Figure out what truly interests you. Then look for stable companies that offer those opportunities. If it is possible to see what benefits these companies offer, figure that out as well. In some instances, people supplement their insurance and other benefits themselves in order to pursue their dreams. There are many ways to get to your goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The Black Lives Matter movement is the biggest topic today, aside from COVID-19. The world is changing, and the truth about people in our surroundings has been coming to light. My white friends are backing all lives matter, and I’m confused about what to think and feel. Why don’t they see why BLM is important? Have I been blind to their true feelings about Black people all this time? Have they been blind to their own feelings about Black people? How do I continue these friendships? Should I? I am in shock because there is a lot of love here, but I feel for the first time that we are just too different after all. I want to bridge our races, as I thought we were doing this whole time. Was it all fake? -- Lost in This World

DEAR LOST IN THIS WORLD: Honest, robust conversations are beginning among people who normally do not talk about race. Research is revealing to many people nuances about the racial justice struggle that, hopefully, will open more eyes.

The fight between Black Lives Matter and all lives matter is based on perspective. The reason that Black Lives Matter became a thing is that Black life didn’t seem to matter to many people. Black men and women were being executed on a regular basis with no repercussions -- whether the murderer was a citizen or a police officer. The notion of all lives matter emerged as a reaction to BLM, suggesting that white lives, blue (police) lives and all people are important. That was never the issue. These other entities were not and are not under attack in the way that Black people are.

When you educate your friends about why upholding the value of life is necessary, this may help them to understand better. The intention of Black Lives Matter isn't that white lives -- or any other lives -- matter less. Instead, it is to point out that Black lives should not be disposable.

Don’t give up on your white friends. Start talking, reading together, sharing information and keeping the dialogue going. Education is key to liberation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)