Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been spending time recently with a powerful woman in my field who has asked me to do some work with her in the fall. This is an incredible opportunity that may be very good for my brand. Being aligned with her will take my work to a much more visible, high-profile level.

The problem is that this woman is high-maintenance and intense. She has a short attention span and is often all over the place. How can I make it work for me to take her up on this offer when I worry that I will just get swept up in her intensity? -- Is It Worth It?

DEAR IS IT WORTH IT?: Spend some time mapping out a plan for what you envision happening during the time you might work with this woman. Figure out what will allow you the ability to fulfill whatever responsibilities you have discussed and what goals and vision this woman has for your engagement. Create a proposal that clearly outlines what your role would be, what success looks like and what your compensation would be.

Present your plan to this woman and discuss it in detail. Be clear about everything, including boundaries on your time. Know that it may be difficult to work with her sometimes. You already are fully aware that she requires a lot of attention. If you think it could be worth it, go for it with a written contract in place that outlines expectations and next steps, including what the end of the working relationship might look like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been putting off going to the doctor for several years now. I have a few aches and pains, nothing too bad, but my family history is not great. I don’t really want to know if there’s anything wrong with me. I have lousy insurance and no dependents. I figure whatever my health is will be good enough for as long as I live. I know that sounds nuts, but if I find out that there’s something wrong with me, I don’t have the money or inclination to do anything about it anyway. That’s why I figure being ignorant about it is better. My best friend at work who gets a physical every year thinks I have lost my mind. She tells me that I should at least know what’s going on in my body. What do you think? -- Get a Checkup

DEAR GET A CHECKUP: I believe that knowledge is power. Rather than thinking the worst and doing nothing about it, why not get a physical with complete blood work and have a baseline understanding for the state of your health? American medicine is great at diagnostics. Use the system to support you. Find out how you are doing. Learn whether there are any issues that need to be addressed. Sometimes doctors can give you recommendations for vitamins, dietary adjustments and fitness programs that can work wonders for improving your health. Other times, they may notice more substantive concerns. Even if you learn that you have a serious health challenge, the doctor cannot force you to tend to it, but know that early detection often means a much less costly treatment plan.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: An anonymous account has been sending me strange, threatening messages, and I am beginning to suspect the identity of the sender. I don't want to jump to conclusions and falsely accuse the wrong person if my suspicions turn out to be wrong. What steps can I take to investigate and potentially confront the sender without damaging any innocent relationships? How can I approach this situation delicately without causing more problems? -- Suspicious

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Start with the service that you are using. Contact their help desk to see if they have line of sight as to who this anonymous accountholder is. They should have some kind of security department that has the ability to research these things. If that doesn’t yield results, contact the police. Find out what division handles online threats. You should take this seriously. Someone threatening you takes this situation out of the realm of innocent pranking. Get the help you need to identify who the offender is. If necessary, have the authorities contact the person and address the situation. If possible after that, block the sender from being able to contact you. Don’t feel guilty for taking this seriously. People can get emboldened when they think they are anonymous. You have to stand up for yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my business last year and faced rejection from a lot of people I approached for a partnership. This year, my business is finally taking off, and now those same people who refused to work with me earlier are eager to jump on board. While it's tempting to welcome them, I don’t appreciate the fact that they didn’t believe in me from the start. Is it wise to welcome partnership with these same people now, or should I steer clear of those who couldn’t be bothered with me a year ago? -- Mind Over Matter

DEAR MIND OVER MATTER: Go back in your memory bank and recall why these people were originally naysayers. What were their specific reservations? If their concerns were valid, don’t fault them for it. Evaluate each person individually, based on your needs. As you are growing your business, you want to partner with people who have strengths that you need to round out the roles and responsibilities of your company. Select people based on their skills, temperament, work ethic, trustworthiness and reputation. By all means, do background checks on any potential partners or employees so that you get the full story on those you will be working with. Too often, people just go on gut feelings. That is not smart in business. Do your due diligence.

That said, you can forgive people for not being willing to jump in and work on your startup right away. At the same time, you do want to be wary of anyone who bad-mouthed you or your business. Surround yourself with positive people who believe in your vision and who have substantive skills and interest that will help you round out your talent pool. Getting a business off the ground is tough. You need every member of your team to want to be there and to be positive about the work ahead.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with some relatively new friends last weekend. We got to drinking champagne, and the stories started flowing. It turns out that we have a couple of mutual friends -- including my first true love. I can’t believe it, but I told them details about how we broke up and how much I still care for him. Never mind the fact that I am married to someone else and have been for decades. I’m not trying to get with this old flame, but I feel bad about telling this secret. I have no fear that they will stir the pot by mentioning this to anyone, but I do feel bad about being so loose lipped. Is there anything I should say to neutralize the situation? -- Remembering the Past

DEAR REMEMBERING THE PAST: The best thing you can do is keep the story to yourself. If you don’t want your past to be the topic of further conversation, don’t talk about it. I’m sure the sentiment that you shared was heartfelt and they took it as that. A note for the future is to watch how much you drink. While intoxication is no excuse, it is something for you to remember -- when you drink a lot, you tend to say more than you believe is appropriate. The best way to avoid that in the future is to cut yourself off before you have reached your limit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not the neatest person in the world. A friend came to stay with me for a few days. Because my house wasn’t super tidy, at a certain point she started leaving her personal items in the common areas of my home. When I asked her why she did that, she shrugged it off and told me everything else was all around, so why not her stuff, too? I didn’t like that, and I asked her to put her personal belongings in her room. She got a bit of an attitude. While I am messy, it’s my mess. I was doing this woman a favor, and I feel like she did not respect my few house rules. How should I have addressed that? -- Put Your Stuff Away

DEAR PUT YOUR STUFF AWAY: The way you live sets the precedent for the way that others will inhabit your space -- like it or not. Your friend stepped into your space and followed suit. You may not have liked it, but it’s likely that she took her cues on where things could be from how you live your life. So, step one is for you to tidy your home more. Put things away and create order. That will help anyone entering your space have an immediate sense of what goes where. Second, at the outset of her stay, you could have invited your friend to keep her personal items in the room you gave her. If she balked and pointed out that you have stuff all about, you could have simply said, yes, you know, but you want her to keep her stuff in her room. The end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)