Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR READERS: Happy New Year! This day always makes me think about my father, who was born on this day many years ago. I will never forget that on every New Year’s Eve, he would decorate our basement with all kinds of gold, silver and red items in preparation for the party that my parents hosted to ring in the new year. They really did it up with a live band and guests wearing formal attire.

My sisters and I would greet our parents’ guests at the front door and hang their coats as they descended the stairs leading to the festivities below. As soon as the ladies were out of sight, we would go into the coat closet and don the women’s lightly perfumed fur coats and twirl around in them as if we were movie stars. Later, my father would invite us downstairs to dance with him. He had taught all three of us the waltz, the cha-cha and the two-step. Our role was to dance with him while everyone watched. We, too, were wearing formal clothing. It was exhilarating and nail-biting at once. These are precious memories.

As we walk into this new year, what positive memories do you bring with you? Are there scenes from your childhood that make you smile? Are there stories from more recent experiences that give you energy? I find it valuable to sit and reflect at this transition point in our lives. To start out strong, it can be invigorating to recall a positive moment from your past as you also claim your plans for the future. In this way, you have a strong anchor and a powerful compass at once.

I recognize that each of us has different stories. None of us has all positive ones, either. Our lives are composed of triumphs and defeats, sidelines and victories. To walk into the new year fully empowered requires a sober look at your life. Being able to answer key questions such as, “What did I do well this past year?” and, “What could I have done better?” are helpful.

Ask yourself what memories help to fuel your creativity and stamina. My memories of my father and my family do that for me. I relish the imagery from that annual party as I also recall my father’s unwavering requirement: “Excellence is the only option.” He taught us to live that way, and I continue to do so today. This makes me revisit my decisions to see if I reached excellence. When the answer is no, I then have to assess why and how I can handle the situation differently next time.

Whatever helps you to look at your life honestly and find tools to address whatever needs your attention, draw upon that right now. You have the opportunity to design your future. Allow your past to help guide your steps. May this be a conscious and intentional year for you as you claim your space each day. Happy New Year!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've recently taken up beading as a hobby, creating waist beads and bracelets. Lately, my work has gained attention, and people are asking about purchasing my jewelry. I've been taking credit for my creations and even making custom pieces for others. While I want to keep this as a fun hobby without stress, I'm torn between making extra money by selling my jewelry or keeping it solely for personal enjoyment. What should I consider in deciding whether to turn my hobby into a side income? -- Making My Own Way

DEAR MAKING MY OWN WAY: Many people start businesses as an evolution of a hobby. Since you love jewelry making and beading so much, why not do a pilot to see if you also enjoy creating inventory, developing a sales strategy, hiring support and anything else that may be needed to turn your hobby into a business. Give yourself a time frame to test to see if you are up for the investment of time, money, creativity and energy that it takes to launch a business. If it seems like you are, go for it. Keep careful records to help you determine if the business is worth it and can be profitable. At the end of the timeline, review your progress and decide if your return on investment is worth it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m someone who’s always on the go. When things are busy, I hop from event to event. I usually have the energy to attend multiple events in a night or a weekend. That’s how I roll. My problem is, I can’t do any of that right now. I injured my leg and had to have surgery. The recovery time is long: at least six weeks. I can’t stand it. Sitting still and resting is excruciatingly difficult to do. I stare at the clock, take naps, call friends -- and I find myself falling into a puddle of sadness. I can’t speed up the healing process. I was warned that if I don't allow myself to heal properly, I could have tremendously negative repercussions. How can I psych myself into living through this period with a better state of mind? -- On the Mend

DEAR ON THE MEND: First, you have to accept that you are not in control of what happened in the past. You are in charge of how you deal with the present. Rather than bemoaning your state, make a plan. What can you do and what is off limits? Be clear about these things so that you can post reminders to yourself regarding activities and timelines.

Next, figure out something productive that you can do during this period of immobility. Can you take up a craft? Write that book you’ve always dreamed about? Clean out your inbox? Prepare your taxes? Yes, seriously. Anything you usually put off that you have time to do because you are confined to being still can go to the top of your list. Write it down. Make an exhaustive list of possibilities and check each one off as you complete the task. Tiny victories should help to raise your spirits!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm caught in a dilemma between two friends having a financial disagreement. I've decided to stay neutral since it's not my money. However, both friends have invited me to events scheduled at the same time. I'd like to attend one of them, but I'm concerned about social media. Attending one might inadvertently convey favoritism. Any advice on how to handle this without causing any misunderstandings? -- Caught in the Middle

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Is there any chance you can stop by both events? If that is possible, you will save yourself a lot of heartache as that will prove, through social media, that you spread the love to all. If that is not possible, make your choice of where you plan to go and inform both of them. Yes, one will be upset, but it’s far better to preempt any argument or misunderstanding by informing your friends of your plans. You can remind them that you love them both and remain unwilling to get in the middle of their drama. At the same time, you have chosen to attend one of the events in question and just wanted to let everybody know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've taken a break from college for the past year due to lots of things, including how weird everything was during the pandemic. My family and friends are asking about my plans to return since it has been some time now. I'm uncertain about my decision. College is a significant investment of time and money, and I'm questioning if the potential rewards justify it. I'm currently in a career that offers a comfortable salary and growth opportunities. Considering this, I'm leaning toward continuing with my career rather than returning to college. Any advice on making the decision between further education and career growth? -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: The way I grew up, it used to be a requirement among my peers that you had to at least get a bachelor’s degree if not also at least one graduate degree. Do note that times have changed. While a college education can be beneficial in innumerable ways -- and I am still a proponent -- there is no doubt that people have built successful, lucrative and sustainable careers without that paper in hand, at least at first. You have to do a critical assessment of your field of interest. What does it take to reach the top? What requirements exist as benchmarks for success -- or even to get to an open door? Do your research carefully and thoroughly to determine what the potential is for income and growth both with and without a degree. Also, find out if your company ever pays for continuing education. Some businesses have built-in programs for earning degrees. It may just be for master’s degrees, but find out. Rather than succumb to peer or family pressure, learn the pros and cons of higher education in your specific field, then make a decision.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)