Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've observed that I find it challenging to cope with criticism, particularly in my professional sphere, even when it's meant to be constructive. How can I cultivate a more resilient approach to feedback, effectively separating personal emotions from my professional development? I'm eager to understand how to view criticism as a valuable tool for improvement rather than allowing it to demotivate me. -- Welcoming Feedback

DEAR WELCOMING FEEDBACK: Imagine if you went through life with people only singing your praises. While you may flirt with the idea that this would be great, think again. You wouldn’t have a clue as to when you should rethink your work. You would have no indication of the need for course correction or growth. Start thinking about feedback as a useful tool for personal and professional development.

You can take some control over your feelings about criticism by inviting it. After each project that you complete, check in with your boss to learn what they think worked well and what can be improved upon in the future. Take notes, and don’t forget. Consider the input as a gift that will help you to do the best job possible.

When you receive unsolicited feedback, take a breath, listen and ask yourself how this feedback can be valuable to you. Resist deflecting it and persecuting the messenger for daring to say something negative to you. Consider what’s being said and how you can use it to strengthen your capabilities. When you change your attitude about feedback, it can become a tremendous asset to your development.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a challenging situation as a parent raising both a teenager and a toddler, where my toddler was not planned but has become a bundle of joy. The struggle to balance their distinct needs is overwhelming, and, with my reentry into the workforce, trivial responsibilities with my toddler are falling on my teenage daughter. This situation is the opposite of what I envisioned, having been a teenager myself who had to drag my younger siblings everywhere. Despite the financial strain, I'm contemplating whether squeezing a nanny into our tight budget would be a viable solution. Any advice on managing this family dynamic and finding a balance that doesn't compromise my teenage daughter's well-being and our family's financial well-being? -- Child Care

DEAR CHILD CARE: Thank your teenager often for all that she does to take care of your toddler. Even with extra help, a lot will continue to fall on her. Your gratitude is extremely important to help balance it all. Even though you are often tired, set aside one-on-one time with your teenager where you can be together. This will help you to learn what’s going on in her life without being too pushy. You can share some of your stories about when you were helping with your younger siblings. Be honest about what you liked and what you didn’t, and thank her again for doing it even as you know sometimes she wishes she didn’t have to do so.

As far as a nanny goes, do your research. Figure out what you can afford each week that will provide relief for everyone. You may only need to hire a babysitter for a few hours, or consider sending your toddler to day care.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I, while in a heterosexual romantic relationship, manage and nurture healthy opposite-sex friendships without causing discomfort or misunderstandings with my partner? Are there specific boundaries or communication approaches I can adopt to maintain trust and ensure mutual comfort in such situations? -- Establishing Friendships

DEAR ESTABLISHING FRIENDSHIPS: It’s all about honesty and trust. The two of you must first have an understanding about what your relationship is and what your boundaries are. Talk about that. Are you monogamous? What do you expect from each other in your relationship? How do you view friends? How do you feel about having friends independent of each other? Do you want your friends to all be mutual? And, very specifically, how do you feel about having friends who are of the opposite sex?

Since you obviously would like to continue to maintain your friendships, you should talk to your partner about your friends and introduce them to each other. Nobody should be a secret friend, even if you don’t go out together with all of your friends. Be transparent. Say when you are going to meet up with someone. Acknowledge when you talked to a friend and something meaningful was shared. That does not mean you have to say every time somebody calls or texts you. Just share that information when it could come into question. As long as you don’t blur the lines with your friends, you stand a chance of this working, provided your partner is in alignment with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm at the phase in my life where financial planning has become crucial, especially with a partner who tends to overspend. I'm concerned about my fiance's spending habits impacting our financial goals. How can I delicately express my worries and suggest changes without making it sound like blame? He is very sensitive about these things. We both agreed I would handle the budget, but I want to ensure our savings grow as we planned. -- Need To Save

DEAR NEED TO SAVE: Start by fully accepting the responsibility that you have. You and your fiance agreed that you would handle the budget. It’s time to do just that -- and be firm about it. Find out if your fiance’s company can send part of his salary directly to his 401(k) or another savings instrument. In this way, he won’t have it at his fingertips to be able to spend. Engage a financial adviser to learn strategies for building wealth over time. You can start small, but reserve a part of your collective income for investing.

For everyday living, create a weekly or monthly budget that you discuss with your fiance and that you both follow. You can post it on the refrigerator so you both can see and refer to it. Reserve an hour each week for a family meeting where you and your fiance talk about “business.” This can include finances, schedules, housework -- whatever needs to be addressed. If you establish the consistency of meeting to discuss your life weekly, it will make it easier to find a way to address tough questions when they come up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 32 years old and have recently shifted to a remote work setup for the first time in my career. This change has brought about a unique experience, blurring the boundaries between my professional and personal lives. What strategies can I implement to maintain work-life balance and prevent burnout while working remotely? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: During the pandemic, many professionals faced this challenge head-on. Suddenly, they were at home, seemingly working around the clock with virtually no breaks and no end to the day. Unfortunately, this cycle has continued for many people who work either completely remotely or on a hybrid schedule. You are right to be concerned and eager to strike a balance between your work and home lives.

Pause and reflect on how you structured your day when you went into the office. Look for habits that benefit you, such as getting up at a particular time, personal hygiene rituals and eating. Think about when you did those things, and include them in a daily schedule. What time did you normally eat lunch or take breaks? Even if it’s just for 15 minutes, schedule in times when you walk away from your computer and do something for yourself. Plan an end time for your day, and log out of your computer at that time. Let any co-workers who might be impacted by your departure know that your day is ending. You can allow an emergency SOS, but make it clear that you want to receive texts or urgent messages only if they really cannot wait until the next day. Be sure to negotiate this with your boss so that you aren’t viewed as insubordinate or uncaring. It is OK to have a life and work hard, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After graduating from college at 23, I secured a job in Chicago. While it's an exciting city, I hadn't visited before apartment hunting for my big move. Now, after residing here for six months, I'm facing difficulties in making new friends, unlike my experience in college. How can I navigate the social shift post-college and forge meaningful connections in this unfamiliar place, especially when many individuals already seem to have established friend groups? -- Making Friends

DEAR MAKING FRIENDS: It takes time and vigilance to become comfortable and connected in a new city. Chicago is a good choice for a young professional, though, as it has tons of cultural events every week and a diverse population. What you must do is put yourself out there and explore. Look at online calendars to see what’s happening each week. Research activities that draw people to venues where you can talk, such as art openings, restaurant debuts, street fairs (when it gets warmer), concerts, etc. Notice the people on your job. Who is the most interesting to you? Invite that person out for drinks, and admit that you need some help branching out in your new town. Ask your co-worker to introduce you to some nice people. Do one new thing every week that puts you in the company of other people. If you do that, you will begin to meet new people and forge new relationships.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)