Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the older sister to two incredibly successful younger siblings, both thriving in their careers at Fortune 500 companies. While I couldn't be prouder of their accomplishments, I find myself struggling to make ends meet, and the contrast in our financial situations is difficult to ignore. Witnessing their achievements has, at times, created a sense of inadequacy about my own life. While I celebrate their victories, I can't help but question my own independent path and wonder why I haven't achieved the same level of success.

The pressure to keep up with their achievements has become increasingly challenging. I work very hard, but circumstances seem to conspire against me, leaving me struggling with the everyday challenges of making rent, paying bills and simply keeping my head above water. It's a humbling experience, but at times, it feels like I'm drowning financially. How can I come to terms with my journey, recognizing the individual paths each of us must take? -- On My Own

DEAR ON MY OWN: One of the perks of a successful corporate career is often a healthy paycheck. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the corporate executive is “better than” anyone else. It means the person works in a lucrative field that pays well.

You need to stop comparing yourself to anyone, including your siblings, and concentrate on yourself. Assess your life and income. How much money do you need in order to care for yourself properly? How much do you earn, and how much more can you earn in your field? Do you need to consider doing something different? How can you increase your earning power? It doesn’t mean you need to go corporate. It may mean you have to get creative and find another path toward your own fulfillment. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently grappling with the aftermath of a significant failure in my previous business venture. The experience of starting a business and facing a major setback has left me feeling deeply discouraged and afraid to try again. The fear of failure has taken hold of me, making it challenging to muster the courage to embark on a new entrepreneurial journey.

How can I overcome this fear and regain the confidence to pursue my entrepreneurial ambitions once more? How can I move past the fear of failure and learn from my previous mistakes to approach future business endeavors with resilience and determination? I am eager to turn this setback into a learning opportunity and rebuild my confidence in my abilities. -- Bankruptcy

DEAR BANKRUPTCY: Join business organizations that cater to your areas of interest. It could simply be entrepreneurial groups in your town. You will discover that many entrepreneurs have failed at many businesses. They get knocked down, and they get up and start over -- again and again. Being around people who have had those experiences may help to toughen you up.

To identify a business that may work for you, do some research. What are the needs in your area that interest you? Filling a need is the best way to be successful. Pay attention to your friends, loved ones, neighbors and even passersby. What do they care about? What is missing in their lives? Figure that out, and offer it to them. Success will, in turn, be potential.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently received advice from someone suggesting that I should not befriend boys because I already have a boyfriend. This is my first time having a boyfriend, but I have a group of male friends I have been close to for years. It feels weird to walk away from my true friends in order to have a relationship. This advice has left me contemplating whether I should follow this suggestion. I value friendships with both males and females, but I am unsure if it is appropriate to limit my interactions based on my relationship status.

Should I consider refraining from forming friendships with boys to prevent potential complications in my relationship? I strongly believe in fostering healthy and meaningful connections irrespective of gender, yet I am also keen on upholding the boundaries of my romantic commitment. -- Unfriendly

DEAR UNFRIENDLY: What do you want? It sounds like you had a life before this boyfriend that was meaningful to you. Is this relationship worth throwing that away? What kind of relationship do you want to have? I suggest that you think about your life and your friends and what and who you value. Of course people make certain accommodations in romantic relationships, but you should be careful. Don’t give up friends because someone said you can’t have friends with a whole gender of people. That probably isn’t the life you want to live. So don’t live it.

Instead, talk to your boyfriend. Let him know who the key people are in your life and introduce him to them. Don’t keep friends a secret. Make it as comfortable as possible for your boyfriend to meet them. See how the relationships unfold. This will help you know if your boyfriend fits into your life.

DEAR HARRIETT: I am a 20-year-old who has been living abroad for two months, and I have been thinking about moving to Europe permanently because of the more relaxed way of life. I am hesitant to make that choice because my family and friends are in the United States. The distance makes me question whether I am prepared to trade proximity for a lifestyle that aligns more with my values and preferences. Another significant concern is the financial aspect. While the European lifestyle is appealing, the salaries in countries like Spain, where I currently reside, seem challenging to live off of compared to what I'm accustomed to in the United States. What advice do you have for someone like me who is struggling with the decision to relocate permanently? -- Contemplating a Move

DEAR CONTEMPLATING A MOVE: At 20 years old, you do not have to make a choice for life. You are in the perfect position to explore the world. You can choose to relocate anywhere you want for a while. You don’t have to put a time limit on it. Consider looking for a job that is a contract-based. A one- or two-year contract gives you a sense of security with a timeline. Save money so that you can visit home at least once per year. Use technology to help stay connected to your family. Go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend wants to apologize for hurting me by stealing my boyfriend. The betrayal and pain caused by her actions have deeply affected me, and I am struggling to come to terms with the situation. While I appreciate her desire to apologize, the hurt and betrayal I feel are still raw and present. I want to find a way to heal from this experience and potentially mend our friendship, but I am unsure of how to move forward in a way that honors my feelings and self-respect. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I hope you can help me find the solution to this situation. -- Betrayal Vs. Friendship

DEAR BETRAYAL VS FRIENDSHIP: Your “best friend” needs to back off. You need time to process what happened and deal with your own feelings. Yes, she feels guilty -- as she should. She should wait. Tell her that you are questioning how she can actually be your best friend and violate your friendship in that way. What does she have to say about that? Two people you love have turned their backs on you. That is not something that is easy to get over.

If your friendship can be mended, it will happen with time. You cannot rush it. When you are ready to listen to her, let her know. But truly do not feel any pressure to have that tete-a-tete anytime soon.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your answer to the person who was always being called too serious was well-meaning, but maybe a bit off. I was told I was intimidating simply because of my "resting mean face," so I tried very hard to have a more pleasant look. Unfortunately, trying so hard to look pleasant kept me from being able to concentrate on anything else. I may have seemed less intimidating, but I couldn't really pay attention to what anyone was saying. At least I looked happy, though.

During the pandemic, wearing masks definitely helped cover my grumpy face. I finally just put a sign on my desk that said, "Rumors of my nastiness are wildly exaggerated." It helped. I still try to keep a pleasant look, but I don't worry so much about it. And now I can concentrate on my work. -- Striking a Balance

DEAR STRIKING A BALANCE: Thanks for the clarification. Let me add that in no way am I recommending that someone become inauthentic. Instead, you should know what expressions you make and what they say about you. That doesn’t mean you should get so focused on your face that you lose yourself. I recommend observing yourself in front of a mirror or even tape yourself for a period of time to see what expressions are your go-to looks. Then decide if they represent you as you want to be seen. If not, work on them. Don’t let a scowl undo you.

Your idea of a sign is clever. It can work sometimes, but I still think honest and strategic self-control has its place.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)