DEAR HARRIETTE: I've always had a clear picture in my mind of what I want in a partner and for my future. A recent conversation with a friend has left me questioning whether my standards are perhaps too high, especially considering my age.

First, I’ve always imagined my engagement ring as a symbol of not just love, but also of financial security. I expect my future husband to propose with a ring that falls within the range of $800,000 to $1,000,000. To me, this isn't just about materialism, but about the commitment and stability I desire in a lifelong partnership.

Second, I've always been clear that I plan to work for a maximum of five years after marriage. After that, I want to dedicate myself fully to raising our children. While my current partner seems to be on board with these plans, my friend has pointed out that expecting such commitments from a 21-year-old might be unrealistic and could potentially put undue pressure on them. Obviously, I don’t expect the ring now, but I will within the next four to five years.

Now I'm torn between sticking to my convictions and wondering if I'm asking for too much, too soon. What do you think? -- High Expectations

DEAR HIGH EXPECTATIONS: I think you are being wildly materialistic and naive. Why? If you want your future spouse to be able to afford something that costs a million dollars, talk to them about investments, earnings and savings. Ask them about their vision of the future. Don’t try to force them to spend so much on a ring.

I recommend that you be able to take care of yourself, no matter what. The dream of having a spouse provide for you and your children for life does exist for some families, but most families need income from both partners in the marriage. Furthermore, in lifetime commitments, roles often evolve and change over time based on circumstances. It’s time for you to think more flexibly and talk to your partner in detail about whatever you are thinking -- long before you marry.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Navigating a relationship with my older brother has always been challenging because he tends to be overwhelming, demanding and self-centered. However, our current circumstances require daily communication as our jobs are now interconnected. I am faced with the daunting task of addressing his narcissistic, inconsiderate and unprofessional behavior without sparking a heated argument, knowing that our previous discussions have ended in conflict. Finding a delicate balance between expressing my concerns and maintaining a professional relationship is crucial. I am searching for the right words and approach to convey my feelings effectively, hoping to improve our communication and collaboration without causing unnecessary tension or strife. -- Older Brother Problem

DEAR OLDER BROTHER PROBLEM: Do your best not to attack your brother directly about the things that bother you. Speak in the third person about issues that concern you. Describe the behavior that you find offensive, and say how it makes you feel. Talk about what you need in order to do a good job, and ask for his advice on how to handle challenging situations. Do your best to get your brother to try to help you. By engaging his empathy and wisdom, you may be able to corral him into being less obnoxious and more professional.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a first-year college student experiencing communal living for the first time, I am grappling with the challenges of sharing a room. I am increasingly frustrated with my roommate; after I granted her access to my belongings once, she consistently uses them. The same goes for my food and groceries, leaving me feeling taken advantage of. I am hesitant to confront her about this behavior, fearing that it may strain our relationship and create tension in our living arrangement. As someone new to cohabitation, I am anxious about the potential consequences of addressing this issue and uncertain about how to navigate this situation without damaging our dynamic. -- Are All Roommates Like This?

DEAR ARE ALL ROOMMATES LIKE THIS?: You have every right to establish boundaries in your living arrangements. You can do so clearly and kindly, but by all means go for it. Ask your roommate to have a meeting with you about your living quarters. Tell her that you have concerns about expectations, roles and responsibilities. Admit that you have never had a roommate before, so it’s all new to you. Then tell her that some things have occurred that make you uncomfortable, and you want to talk about it. Be direct and specific about food, groceries and other belongings. Explain that you do not want her to use your things without asking. You can also suggest that the two of you consider buying groceries together or designate certain things that are shared. The most important part is to take the time to talk and agree on what your boundaries will be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For letter-writer “Me Vs. Everyone” -- my mom would have had this advice for a person who had received mean comments from other women because she is now dating the campus hunk:

You are beautiful and charming, and that may make some other girls feel insecure and jealous. They may try to hurt you with their mean comments, but you don't have to let them get to you. My mom went through something similar when she was young. She taught me to respond to mean people with kindness, not anger. She said that kindness is a sign of strength, not weakness. She also said that mean comments are actually backward compliments because they show that the mean person feels inferior to you in some way. So instead of feeling hurt by their words, you can advise them to smile more, so that they, too, can be beautiful. You can also talk to your close friends or your mom about how you feel, and they will support you and remind you of your worth.

Instead of reacting like the mean girls want you to -- by having hurt feelings -- you can thank them, as you know they mean it as a compliment. Show them that you are not affected by their negativity. You may turn some of them into friends instead of rivals. -- Killing Them With Kindness

DEAR KILLING THEM WITH KINDNESS: What empowering and loving advice! Thank you for these valuable contributions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently discovered that my 20-year-old sister is adopted, and it has left me feeling shocked, confused and betrayed. I'm 25, and my parents never disclosed this information to me nor my sister. We lived our whole lives until now believing we were blood sisters. Our relationship hasn’t changed since the news came out, but it is still life-altering information.

If I’m feeling betrayed, I can’t imagine how my sister feels! Her whole life, she thought that our parents were her blood relatives, but it turns out that some other people whom she has never met are her birth parents. I'm struggling to trust my parents and wondering what else they might still be hiding from my sister and me. It feels like a significant part of my childhood is a lie. How can I rebuild trust with my parents? How can my sister and I address the feelings of betrayal we're experiencing? -- Dealing With Adoption

DEAR DEALING WITH ADOPTION: Do your best to focus on the love you all share with each other. Regardless of whose blood runs in your veins, your sister IS your sister. Try to forgive your parents for not figuring out how to tell you this tender truth sooner. They likely wanted to include her in the family rather than make her feel different. Their intentions were probably good. Now can be the time to learn more from them about their decision and to rekindle the love between you. Consider thinking of this as protection rather than betrayal. I doubt that your parents wanted to hurt either of you in any way. From that approach, you should be able to talk this out and learn. It won’t happen, though, if you are too judgmental.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend recently separated from her husband, and it is so sad. I talk to her almost every day, and she is doing her best to stay strong, but it is hard for her. It seems like many people are siding with her husband, mainly because he has a big mouth. He has been talking about her like a dog to anyone who will listen. She is not that kind of person. She just wants to work things out and find a way forward, whatever that may be. How can I support her without passing judgment or wearing myself out? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Be her best friend by continuing to be a good listener. You cannot give her answers for what’s going on in her life, but your loving and attentive ear means everything to her right now. She needs someone she trusts to be there for her.

When marriages break up, it is nearly impossible to get through it without plenty of anxiety and sensitivity. It’s best for you to say less and be consistently available when she needs you. At the same time, be sure to carve out time to decompress and spend time with other people -- just don’t talk about your friend’s life when you are not with her. Do your best to compartmentalize. In this way, you protect yourself and your friend’s privacy.

When you need a break from listening to her, tell her. That way it won’t seem like you are abandoning her when you step back for a bit.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)