DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it considered inappropriate or unreasonable if I request money back that my boyfriend borrowed? I know that there is a fine line between borrowing and giving, especially in a relationship. My boyfriend bought a car but then faced a layoff due to low profits at his workplace. Over a period of four months, I covered his car expenses -- $782 monthly. Although I offered proactively when he was struggling, I was under the impression that it was a loan since we did mention the word "borrowing" at the time. It has now been six months, and I have yet to receive repayment. I feel hesitant about bringing up the topic with him. -- Borrowed Money

DEAR BORROWED MONEY: Being clear about money matters is important for the health of any relationship, especially with your partner. Because there was a lot of stress when your boyfriend was laid off, you helped him without creating terms about what that meant. It is not too late to double back to discuss it. Tell him you need to discuss a sensitive matter, then sit down and lay it all out. Explain that it has been six months since his financial crisis. As he knows, you paid for his car expenses during that time with the understanding that he would reimburse you. Ask him if he has a plan to do so because time has passed and you would like him to pay you back now.

If he balks and says he thought you gave him the money, remind him that he asked to borrow it. You did not give it to him, and you feel it is important that he pay you back in a timely manner. Also, tell him that you think the two of you should talk about finances and the future in a more direct way. As you build your relationship, these are essential topics if there’s a chance of you having a life together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: “Filmmaker in the Making” wants to drop their mother’s plan to go to law school so they can pursue their dream of becoming a filmmaker. What they need to ask themselves is, what are the chances of my success? How much competition will they have for an actual job? As an HR professional, I would get hundreds of resumes for a job everyone thought they were qualified for -- perhaps thanks to mothers telling them they were “special”?

My daughter had similar ambitions to work for a film company, but we managed her expectations. Today she is an attorney for that film company. -- Mother's Wisdom

DEAR MOTHER’S WISDOM: I appreciate getting different perspectives on this topic. The big picture, of course, is that parents want to protect their children and guide them to live fulfilling, independent lives. This can be hard to do while also giving them space to pursue their dreams. Sounds like your guidance turned out to satisfy your daughter. Sometimes it doesn’t work out as smoothly.

I appreciate your approach and will add that while we can give our children advice, we do also need to give them space to make their own decisions. Wearing your HR hat, you have given keen insight for all of the parents out there reading this. Yes, your child is special, but so are thousands of other applicants. We need to help our children be optimistic and realistic at once. Thank you for your input!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin “Sheila” agreed to split the rent with me when she moved into my apartment, with me covering the entire deposit. Our apartment has two rooms, one for my fiance and me, and the other for Sheila and her boyfriend. I am a person with a physical disability and constant need of a wheelchair, so the limited space in the common area is already a challenge. Despite this, Sheila unexpectedly brought her mother, her mother's child and her brother to stay in the apartment. I explained that they could stay temporarily but would need to find alternative accommodation due to the cramped living conditions. However, Sheila has not made arrangements for them to leave and is now trying to guilt trip me by stating that they are family. Am I being unreasonable in this situation? -- Renter's Struggle

DEAR RENTER’S STRUGGLE: Now is the time for you to put your foot down. The longer she stays, the harder it will be for you to get her out. Talk to your super to see if they can put pressure on her, too. Perhaps there are codes about how many people can live in a space in your building. Do not give in to her guilt trip. She has tried to change the rules after moving in, which is unfair. Make Sheila’s time uncomfortable while she is in your space so that you can get her out as soon as possible. Get your super to help you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a mother of twin daughters who are about to go on separate journeys as they head off to different colleges. They've always been incredibly close -- practically inseparable since birth. While I'm thrilled for their new academic adventures, I can't shake off this overwhelming concern about how they'll cope with being apart.

My daughters have relied on each other for support through thick and thin, and the mere thought of them navigating this pivotal chapter of their lives without each other is hard for me to imagine. I understand the importance of independence and forging one's own path, but I worry about the emotional toll it might take on them to suddenly be apart after spending their whole lives together. How can I help them prepare for this separation and ensure they maintain their bond despite the physical distance? -- Disconnected

DEAR DISCONNECTED: You didn’t say why your twins are going to different schools, but it sounds like you are the one who is distraught about this. Step back a moment and think about the beauty of what’s happening. Though they are incredibly close, they are individuals who need to learn how to fend for themselves. Being in separate schools where they have to forge new relationships and discover how to be OK on their own offers the perfect chance for them to flourish.

Yes, this is hard for you, but do your best not to transfer your worries onto them. Give them space to figure out how to live on their own, make mistakes, and learn and grow from them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I landed an internship at my local city hall within the legislative sector, thanks to a recommendation from a friend who is employed there. This friend's mother shares a personal connection with one of the councilors, which is how my friend got the job.

I am interested in this job and its scope, so I naturally excel in the role. I noticed that the frequent compliments from co-workers and occasional jests about "taking over my friend's position" are getting to her. We no longer talk as much, and she is treating me poorly lately, like intentionally bad-mouthing me and giving attitude. The office offered me a permanent job, but I am debating it because of the environment with my friend working there. -- Should I Get the Job?

DEAR SHOULD I GET THE JOB: It’s time to have a serious conversation with your friend. Thank her for making it possible for you to have the opportunity to intern with her. Express how deeply you appreciate this; it is showing you that this area of work interests you. Tell her that you would be thrilled to be able to work there in the long term, but you have noticed that some gossiping has begun about the two of you. Assure her that you are not trying to take her job -- you are at the beginning of your career, and you are learning and growing. Ask her why she has turned on you. Point out that you are aware of some of the negative things she has said about you, and you want to call a truce. If you can squash the negativity with her, you should be able to navigate working in that environment.

No matter where you work, there could be conflict. Learning how to survive and thrive in challenging situations is part of life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm replying to “High Expectations,” the woman who wants a $1 million wedding ring. We all have expectations, dreams and standards in life. When I was in my 20s, I would fantasize about my big day. I remember dreaming of having 40 people in my wedding, being married at 28 and living happily ever after, knowing I would have my parents both walk me down the aisle. Well, I'm in my 40s and have never been married. Those 40 people I would have asked to be in my wedding wouldn't even be a thought today. And my parents walking me down the aisle is no longer an option -- my mom has passed, and my dad can barely walk. I encourage you to keep dreaming, which is OK, but focus more on the long term and loving each other with one heart. Personally, I would search for a person who is big into God, which will carry you further with peace than gold or silver. -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: Quite a few readers had strong reactions to this woman. Thank you for sharing yours. I think that reality TV has helped to stir up unreasonable expectations about what love should look like. Of course it would be nice to have a fancy ring, if you are into that, but in the end, it has to be the foundation of the relationship that counts the most. I love your idea that peace should be the goal. That is so true!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)