DEAR HARRIETTE: My “nephew” -- my cousin’s son -- is very dear to me. He has autism and sometimes displays violent behavior. Last year, his school recommended that he be transferred to a private institution specializing in educating children with special needs. I am a 23-year-old server, and, as you can imagine, I don't earn much. My nephew's father, my cousin, also comes from a low-income household. Despite this, my cousin tends to spend on luxury items like branded clothes that he can't really afford. He decided not to move my nephew to a new school due to the cost involved.

When my cousin declined the new school, I volunteered to cover the tuition fees, and I did so until today because I love my nephew and want the best for him. However, I am currently facing financial difficulties, and I see my cousin continuing to buy clothes for himself while I struggle to make ends meet. I want to talk to my cousin about no longer being able to cover the costs, but I'm worried that he might stop my nephew from attending this school if I do. -- Loving Aunt

DEAR LOVING AUNT: The greatest gift you can give your cousin is honesty. Tell him how concerned you are that he has chosen not to pay for his son’s education but continues to spend money on designer clothing. Acknowledge that he has the right to do whatever he wants, but you don’t understand his choices. Explain further that you cannot afford to keep paying your nephew’s tuition, but you worry that he will not pay it either. Ask him to consider diverting funds from his fashion fund to his child’s education fund. Know that this may start an argument, but it might also get him thinking.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is cheating behavior hereditary? What I'm about to share is something that I will never share with anyone I know personally: My mother cheated on my father when I was 12. She may not have realized that I comprehended the situation, but I did; I was there, witnessing it happen multiple times. Our family shattered apart after that. Now, my older brother cheats all the time, and even my younger sister -- who currently lives with me -- cheats. I frequently reprimand her for it. I am 27 and currently single. I have talked to some people in the past, but I seem to unconsciously drift away when things start to get serious. I’ve never had a full-fledged committed relationship in my life. I now realize that this may have been because of attachment issues or fear of becoming my mother. -- Family of Cheaters

DEAR FAMILY OF CHEATERS: It’s understandable that you are skittish about entering into a serious relationship, given what you have witnessed in your family. Know that you have complete control over yourself and your decisions. Just because your family members have cheated doesn’t automatically mean that you will, too, or even that you will not find a life partner. You are unique.

Consider getting some counseling to help you work through your feelings about what you have observed as well as where you are in your life right now. A therapist can help you develop tools to work through your emotions and build a path to smart decision-making.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an upcoming birthday trip planned in Hawaii, and I'm unsure about the etiquette of asking the people I've invited to contribute toward the cost of the trip. These are mostly close friends and acquaintances from college. Is it considered acceptable to request that guests pay a share for the trip, or is this not a common practice? I want to ensure that everyone is comfortable with the arrangements. Any insights or advice would be nice. -- Birthday Girl

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Your friends should not assume that you are paying for their trip, even though it is your birthday. It is important to be clear with them what the anticipated activities and expenses will be.

I would suggest that you build an itinerary that includes activities you do together and time when they can be on their own. If you can, plan a meal a day that you pay for, which can be just for the food or for food and drink. Organize with the hotel or resort for a group discount for rooms, and let your guests know how to access that.

If you plan your trip thoroughly and communicate clearly about every detail, your guests will understand the commitment they are making and plan their individual trips accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that I'm expecting triplets. While I'm overjoyed by the news, I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety. I am a first-time mom, and triplets don't run in my family, so this was a huge surprise to me and my husband. The thought of caring for three newborns at once is daunting.

I'm worried about everything from finances to simply managing the day-to-day tasks. Our families have offered to fly in and help as we don’t live in the same state as either of our families; however, they won’t be able to stay for that long because they all have their own jobs and lives they need to attend to. I have six months to get ready, but it feels like six days! How can I overcome these fears and prepare myself for this new journey as a first-time mom of triplets? -- Welcoming Three

DEAR WELCOMING THREE: Set up the nursery with everything you need for the children. Find help locally through your network of mothers, your health care facility or your friends so that you do not need to rely solely on your family. Speak to a financial adviser about family planning. It’s never too early to map out a financial strategy to care for your triplets. Consider getting a midwife or doula to support your birth and immediate aftercare. Do your best to plan ahead. This will help you when you are exhausted or at your wits’ end. Look for a support group of other moms and, if you can find one, moms of multiples.

If you want a midwife and need financial support, reach out to a new not-for-profit started by activist, media personality and mom Elaine Welteroth, birthfund.com, to get help.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have recently made a decision that's caused a lot of tension in our family, particularly with our 22-year-old daughter. She now has a stable full-time job, and we've decided to cut off her financial support completely. Understandably, she's extremely upset about this. We've always striven to provide for our daughter and support her in every way possible. However, we've reached a point where we feel it's time for her to become fully independent and take control of her finances. We believe that by cutting off her financial support, she'll learn valuable lessons about responsibility and self-reliance. While we stand by our decision, we're struggling with how to handle our daughter's emotional reaction. She feels betrayed and abandoned, which breaks our hearts. We never intended to hurt her, but we're unsure of how to reassure her and help her understand our perspective. Is there a way to ease her distress while still standing firm in our decision? -- Independence

DEAR INDEPENDENCE: My question is whether this move was sudden. Did you discuss your plan with her so that she could prepare? Did you help her to think about the time when she would become independent so that she could evaluate her life and decide how to move forward as an independent adult? If not, you failed to do an important part of your job. You say that in the past you have provided for her in “every way possible.” That suggests that she has not had to be uncomfortable about money, experience the need to budget or make choices based on how much money she has, etc.

While I agree that it is important for grown children to learn to adult, i.e. fully care for themselves, I see far too often that overprotective and indulgent parents make it confusing for them to know how to take those important independent steps. Perhaps you can ease your daughter into independence by teaching her how to manage her money and plan rather than just cutting her off with no warning.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wanted to add some additional suggestions regarding your response to “Just Graduated,” the writer who was afraid that her stage fright would cause her to botch job interviews. You provided many good suggestions. Additionally, the writer should consider the following:

-- This stage fright is perfectly normal. Everyone has it.

-- SLOW DOWN when you talk. This will help you avoid tripping over words.

-- Tuck a small mint in the back of your mouth. This will prevent the nervous dry mouth reaction.

I also wanted to underscore your suggestion of practicing responses out loud. This will help tremendously. -- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for your additional notes on facing and overcoming stage fright. I teach a class on public speaking that includes the recommendations you have offered, and then some. I appreciate you bringing them up because little things can make all the difference in becoming comfortable when you have to put yourself out there. I forgot about the mint! That is such a good and simple idea. Knowing that we are all similar -- we all can get nervous and get over it -- should be comforting to anyone who is facing a moment where they have to put themselves out there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)