DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m at odds with my teenage son, and it's beginning to strain our relationship. I've firmly stood by the belief that my son should earn and purchase his own vehicle rather than having it handed to him on a silver platter, as seems to be the norm among many of his peers. I view this as a crucial lesson in responsibility and independence, and one that will serve him well into adulthood. However, my son sees it differently.

He's expressed feelings of resentment and frustration, even going so far as to label me a "bad mom" because of this decision. According to my son, all of his friends' parents have purchased cars for them, and he feels I’m treating him unfairly in comparison. He sees it as a reflection of my lack of care and concern for his happiness and well-being.

As a parent, it's hard to be perceived in such a negative light; I also understand his perspective and the pressure he must feel when faced with the perceived expectations of his peers. How can I help him recognize the importance of self-sufficiency and independence without sacrificing the bond we share as mother and son? -- On Our Own

DEAR ON OUR OWN: It is hard to parent a child based on your own rules and values when all of his friends follow different rules. That is part of life. This period may stay rocky for a bit, but I think you are doing the right thing in sticking to your values. You can continue to explain to your son that you firmly believe that he should work for his car. Yes, it may take longer than makes him comfortable, but in the end, he will be proud of himself for being focused and disciplined.

One option, if it doesn’t feel like too great of a compromise, is to loan your son money for a down payment with a formal plan for him to pay you back. In this way, he can get his car sooner, but he still has to pay for it. You and he can establish a payment plan that he must follow. Importantly, there must be consequences if he reneges on the deal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. When we go out to dinner, he usually covers our entrees, and he expects me to pay for dessert. It's kind of weird because he always makes sure we pay the exact same amount. For example, if we go to Chipotle and he pays, he'll suggest going to a coffee shop afterward and intentionally orders a lot to even things out. I wonder why he's so focused on everything being equal. To be honest, when talking about fairness, he eats and orders significantly more than I do for both the main course and dessert. -- 50/50 Situation

DEAR 50/50 SITUATION: Talk to your boyfriend directly and ask him why he works so hard to make sure that you pay equal amounts on each date. Tell him you find it strange and unnecessary. Find out what’s at the root of his thinking on this topic. Wouldn’t it be more fun if you two just enjoyed yourselves and were both mindful not to spend too much money? Rather than using his odd method to split the cost of dates, just divide the check in half if that’s what the two of you have agreed to do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: During spring break, I visited my boyfriend's hometown, where I met his extended family, known to me through his sister's stories. She had mentioned that most of their older male cousins were sneaky and playful. Throughout my stay, my boyfriend's favorite cousin repeatedly tried to flirt with me and asked for my social media handles. I repeatedly rejected his advances and avoided any further interaction. Now that we are back at our apartment, I am wondering whether to tell my boyfriend about this, but at the same time, I'm not sure what would be the sense of that. I wonder if it is best to keep it to myself. -- Boyfriend's Sneaky Cuz

DEAR BOYFRIEND’S SNEAKY CUZ: Don’t keep this from your boyfriend, but also don’t make it a huge deal. As you two review the highlights of your trip to meet his family, share some of the positive things that occurred. Who did you meet and hit it off with? What did you learn? What did you do? But also tell your boyfriend that his sister was right: She told you that most of their older male cousins were sneaky and playful. Much to your surprise, the one who stood out was his favorite cousin, who overtly made advances to you during your stay. Tell your boyfriend what happened and how you handled it.

Yes, this could cause a family fight, at least for a short time. But keeping it to yourself could cause a worse blow up the next time you visit. Your boyfriend needs to know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your reply to "Seeking Balance," the young soon-to-be-mother whose mother-in-law wants to come visit and "help" for two months. I so disagree with your reply! I moved from one state to where my daughter lives when she had her first baby. Now she is about to have her second child. While I live 15 minutes from her, I am in a neighboring town. That is the closest she was willing to have me live. In no way should the MIL come to visit for an entire two months after a new mother has just given birth!

You said "only" two months. That is a long time. New mothers are exhausted. My daughter and her husband get to take two months of maternity leave. Seeking Balance needs the time alone with her husband and her baby to get used to it all. The MIL has no business coming for two months. A week, maybe! Your reply to her was incorrect! -- Grandma in California

DEAR GRANDMA IN CALIFORNIA: Thank you for your response. You and a few others have shared a similar view. Two months is too long. I will add -- it's too long UNLESS the extended stay is welcomed by the new parents. As you point out, boundaries are most important. That includes creating intimate space for the new family to learn how to care for the newborn and for them to get to know their child and learn how to help each other and grow as a unit. Even the most well-meaning grandmother could be in the way during this intimate time. Thank you for adding your knowledge to this discussion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself feeling like a third wheel in my friend group, and it's starting to take a toll on my confidence and sense of belonging. While I value the friendships I have with both of my friends individually, whenever we're all together, I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow intruding on their bond. They seem to share inside jokes and memories that I'm not a part of, and I often find myself feeling left out or overlooked in group conversations and activities. I want to address these feelings and find a way to feel more included and valued within my friend group, but I'm unsure of how to go about saying this without causing tension or awkwardness. How can I assert myself without feeling like I'm imposing on their friendship? Any advice on how to overcome these feelings of being a third wheel would be welcomed. -- Third Wheel

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Employ humor. The next time you three are together and they go into a private realm that excludes you, interrupt them and ask them to stop. You can say, “Hey, there you go again with another inside joke.” Or you can interrupt and ask, “Can you fill me in on what you are talking about? I’m feeling like the odd man out here!”

Call them out on their exclusionary behavior. That could lead to a more serious conversation where you address the elephant in the room. You know that they spend time together without you -- which is fine -- but as part of a close friend group, you would appreciate being included when you are with them.

At the same time, I recommend finding other people to hang out with. Do not rely solely on these two. They clearly have a close bond that does not include you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently decided to end a relationship with a guy who didn't seem to care about me. Despite my best efforts to make things work and communicate my needs, it became increasingly clear that he wasn't invested in our relationship. The lack of reciprocity in our connection was irritating, so I finally gathered the courage to break it off. While I know that ending things was the right choice for my well-being, I can't seem to shake this feeling of embarrassment about how I conducted myself while we were together. I realize that I often went above and beyond to please him, ignored numerous red flags and tolerated behavior that I now recognize as unacceptable. I also compromised my own values and boundaries in an attempt to salvage a flawed relationship.

As I deal with the aftermath of the breakup, I find myself feeling ashamed and regretful for not prioritizing my self-respect and dignity. How do I begin to forgive myself for the way I allowed myself to be treated? How can I move past this embarrassment and rebuild my self-esteem and confidence? -- Took Too Long

DEAR TOOK TOO LONG: It can be excruciating to look at our own behavior critically and find peace, especially when we haven’t performed optimally. Being able to evaluate your behavior, however, is a key way of learning and growing. You may want to do this work with the support of a therapist who can guide you and support you through this emotional process. Rather than feeling ashamed, do your best to adopt the attitude of learning. What lessons exist for you from this experience? Search for them so that you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)