DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Fred’s” daughter’s birthday was approaching, and her friends wanted to surprise her. All of her friends met and shared their ideas for what to do. When her birthday arrived, they surprised her with balloons and food. To everyone’s surprise, one of the guests blew out the candle for the birthday girl, which made her upset. She cried a lot, and Fred got angry at the kid because it was his daughter’s birthday, not theirs. How should Fred have approached the situation since it was just a kid, and she may not have fully understood what she had done? -- Inappropriate Behavior

DEAR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR: You haven’t said how old Fred’s daughter is, but you have described the friend group as “kids.” My advice to Fred is to let it go. Of course it was not appropriate for the friend to blow out the birthday girl’s candle, but who knows why this happened? Perhaps that child has never had a birthday cake. Maybe that’s the kid who is needy for attention. It could be anything. In the moment, the correct response would have been to relight the candle, let the right kid blow it out and keep the party moving.

Rather than focusing on reprimanding that child, Fred should highlight the great things that happened. His daughter’s friends were incredibly thoughtful as they chose to plan a celebration for her. Fred can point out all of the details that went into the party and relish in how happy that made everyone. If Fred’s daughter brings up the violation, Fred can suggest that they forgive the child and remember instead all of the good things about her special day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was applying for a position as a hotel receptionist, and one of the other applicants mentioned that she was just 15 years old. She said she had received an application from management -- despite being underage -- because she is pretty and talented, meeting their high-standard requirements. I told her that it is against the law, but I am unsure of what to do since I know she really needs the job to support her family, while at the same time I am aware that underage individuals are not allowed to work. Please give me some advice on what I should do. -- Underage Employment

DEAR UNDERAGE EMPLOYMENT: I suggest that you not get involved in that person’s employment process. I sense that you feel threatened as this teenager may be up for the same job you have applied for -- and she may win the job based on her appearance. While that, in and of itself, is a form of discrimination, it is unlikely that you will win a fight on those grounds. Instead, you will make it even less likely that you will get hired. Is that fair? No, but since right now you need a job, set your sights on that.

As hard as it is to believe, the federal Fair Labor Standards Act sets 14 as the minimum age to work. Though some states have different age requirements for work, 14 is the baseline. That means that there might not be anything wrong with a 15-year-old applying for the same role as you; however, many employers simply choose not to hire teens.

Additionally, many people skirt age requirements as they are looking for work and hiring. This topic deserves examination, to be sure. That said, this doesn’t seem to be your battle right now. Pivot away from that young lady and toward your own future. Unless you believe she will be in danger if she is offered the job, don’t make her potential employment your issue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the president of the parent-teacher association at my daughter’s school, and at a recent meeting, the principal suggested that it is mandatory for us to buy food from the school canteen so that all the kids will have the same food and not feel jealous or envious of others who have more expensive options. What do you think I should suggest so that we can all be on the same page while explaining that we prefer to bring healthier snacks from home rather than buying ready-made ones? -- Mandatory Canteen

DEAR MANDATORY CANTEEN: Take a quick poll from a few parents to get a sense of how other families feel about this idea. Do so discreetly, as you do not want to start a buzz about this sensitive topic. With your polling data and your own feelings, schedule a meeting with the principal to voice your concerns. Though the principal’s intentions are good, there are many reasons why this thinking is flawed. In your case, you prefer to make fresh, healthy snacks. For other students, I’m sure there will be dietary or health restrictions. The very students the principal is trying to protect may be further embarrassed if they buy no snacks because their parents cannot afford to pay for them. Often, homemade treats are less costly than whatever might be available for sale. You can recommend that this proposal not go through. Instead, perhaps you can work together to find other ways to ensure that all children feel valued, regardless of their economic circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings and I decided to surprise our mother by buying a house for her. When dad passed away, she was left alone with my two younger siblings, ages 10 and 12. Now my mom has a boyfriend, but we are not on good terms with him because we feel like he’s taking our mom away. She is not coming home every day to take care of the two kids. We let her know that we will not allow her boyfriend to live with her in the house that we bought for her. What do you think we should do? -- Family Conflict

DEAR FAMILY CONFLICT: Even though you have the best of intentions, you and your siblings have not handled this situation well. Your mother is a grown woman, yet you are treating her like a child. Surprising her with a house was generous, but not mature. This should have been a decision you made with her blessing and with planning that included her. It is natural that she would find a companion after your father died. While it is terribly unfortunate that he doesn’t seem to be the person you want for her, he is her choice. Since you have banned him from her house, your mother is now torn between having companionship and caring for her children -- and you and your siblings have contributed to that dilemma. Your mother has to live her life. You need to back down. Let her know how you feel, but then stop trying to control her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Three years ago, I had a falling-out with a woman who, at the time, had been my best friend for eight years. Our friendship was one of those rare, deep connections that felt more like family than just friends. We went to the same college, were in each other's weddings and spent so much time together that we’d see each other at least once a week without fail, even after we both got married and our lives became busier. Out of nowhere, we had an argument over something so trivial that I can’t even remember what it was about. At the time, it felt significant enough to cause a major rift between us. We both said things in the heat of the moment, and before I knew it, we stopped talking altogether. What had once been a solid friendship became an empty void, and neither of us made any effort to reach out and fix it.

It’s been three long years since we last spoke, but this week, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to get coffee. Part of me misses her and wants to rekindle our friendship, but another part of me is hesitant. Should I take her up on her offer and try to repair the friendship, or is it better to leave the past where it is? -- Lost Friend

DEAR LOST FRIEND: You clearly miss your friend. If you can’t even remember what happened to create the chasm, why not reconnect? Things often seem important in the moment but wane over time. Go to see her. Listen to what she has to say. Rather than trying to figure out why you stopped being friends, look to see if there is real hope for rekindling your relationship. If so, take it slow, and see how things unfold.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter was recently accepted into both the University of Minnesota and Ohio State University! However, she’s now facing a difficult decision, and I’m feeling conflicted about how best to guide her. We’re from Minnesota, so if she chooses to attend school here, she will qualify for in-state tuition, which makes it a much more affordable option for us as a family. We’ve saved some money in a college fund, and with the in-state tuition rate, that savings would cover a significant portion of her education, leaving her with little debt upon graduation. However, my daughter is leaning toward attending Ohio State, which, unfortunately, comes with a much higher price tag. Even though we can apply our college savings toward the cost, she would still need to take out a significant amount in student loans to cover the remaining expenses.

I’m torn between encouraging her to pursue her dream school, even if it means taking on substantial debt, and advising her to choose the more affordable, practical option. What should I say to her? -- Make a Choice

DEAR MAKE A CHOICE: First, don't forget to apply for every scholarship you can find! Then do the math with your daughter. Figure out how much she will have to pay back with loans if she goes to OSU and what she would have to pay locally. Talk about grad school and any other higher education she may need. Let her decide if she is willing to carry debt to go to her dream school. This may be her first adult decision. Let her make it. She will ultimately have to live with the consequences.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)