DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend keeps telling others about my private business, and it’s starting to feel like a real betrayal. I recently started seeing someone new, and because my friend and I are very close, I shared the news with her. I was excited to tell her, and I trusted her to keep it between us. But almost immediately, I started hearing from other friends and even some casual acquaintances asking me about the new guy I’m seeing! It’s frustrating because I’m still getting to know him, and I wanted to keep things quiet until I felt more comfortable and surer about the relationship.

I feel like my privacy has been invaded, and I’m beginning to question whether I can trust her with other personal things. I know she probably didn’t mean any harm and was just excited for me, but this has really bothered me, especially because it’s not the first time she’s done something like this. How should I confront her about this? I value our friendship, but I also need her to respect my boundaries and understand how important privacy is to me. -- Violated

DEAR VIOLATED: Your friend has previously proven to you that she cannot keep confidence. Since you know that, you cannot be mad at her now for acting in a way she has already demonstrated that she acts. Is this sad? Yes, since you want to have someone to tell your secrets. But she has shown you that she cannot be trusted to do that. If you want to have a close friend with whom you can tell such intimacies, you have to seek out someone else.

Sure, you can reprimand your friend and tell her how disappointed you are that she violated your confidence. She will apologize and promise not to do it again, but the chances are great that she will, because this is what she does. Instead, enjoy your guy, and enjoy your friend for who she is, but keep your eyes open for a new friend who may be better at keeping secrets.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 17 years old and an incredibly talented ballerina. She has dedicated countless hours to her training, and it’s clear she has the potential to pursue dance as a career if she chooses. She absolutely loves dancing; it’s her passion and something that lights her up. Still, as her mother, I’m increasingly worried about the toxic aspects of the dance world. Recently, her coach began making comments about her needing to be thinner if she ever wants to go professional, and I can see how these remarks are affecting her. She’s already so disciplined with her diet and exercise, and I fear that focusing on her weight could lead to harmful habits or damage her self-esteem. I don’t want her to compromise her health or sense of self-worth for the sake of meeting someone else’s unrealistic standards. At the same time, I know that dance is competitive, and that certain pressures come with the industry.

I want to support her dreams, but I’m torn between encouraging her and protecting her from a potentially harmful environment. How can I help her through these pressures without ruining her love for ballet? -- Ballet Worries

DEAR BALLET WORRIES: Encourage your daughter to eat in a healthy manner and tend to her body. Do not discourage her from her passion -- it wouldn’t work, anyway. Pay attention, and if you notice unhealthy behaviors, gently talk to her about her choices. Her field is a tough one for body image. With your support, hopefully she will make smart choices along the way. As her interest in this career develops, it might be worth asking her doctor about healthy eating choices for ballerinas.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I got resounding comments from many of you calling me out for my response to the woman whose husband was pushing her to try to have a son after she had already given birth to five daughters. I accept your input and want to share some of it now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The surest way to add a boy to your family is to adopt a boy! There are lots of boys who are looking for their forever family. Ask your god to guide you toward them in order to make everyone a happy, loving family. -- Loving Spirit

DEAR HARRIETTE: I couldn't disagree more with the advice you gave "A Boy," the wife who'd had five daughters with her husband, who still wanted to try for a sixth child because he wants a son. You told her to ask her OB-GYN for advice, and if he agrees that it would not be in her best interest to get pregnant again, this should be enough for the husband to accept.

Harriette, the poor woman stated that she's emotionally and physically exhausted! Why in the world should she have to get the support of her doctor to tell her husband she's done having children? This man needs to accept that he's been blessed with five beautiful and healthy children, thank his lucky stars and stop being selfish. -- Enough

DEAR HARRIETTE: I felt compelled to share my feelings on your reply to the lady with five daughters whose husband wanted to try again for a son. Sorry, but you were off base. Another pregnancy is something she explicitly does NOT want. Regardless of what the doctor says, there's still a chance they will not have a boy. What then? More disappointment from the husband and a demand for child No. 7? If having a son is so important, they should adopt, but I bet he has a fixation on passing his lovely genes down. She needs to put her foot down. -- Don't Do It, Girl

DEAR ALL: I get your messages loud and clear. My reason for recommending talking to the OB-GYN (which I clearly did not state well) is that it seemed this woman needed some backup. I assumed (which I shouldn’t have) that the OB-GYN would give a resounding NO to the idea of another child. By adding that voice, she wouldn’t be alone. Yes, she is exhausted in all ways, but I also got the impression that she was not fully prepared to stand up to her husband. Whoever she can get to help her would be great. Thank you all for chiming in to support her!

The adoption idea could work if this woman thinks she can manage rearing another child at all. A sixth being to nurture for the next 18 years or so is still a lot.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Disciplining children is a critical aspect of parenting, but it can be challenging to determine the most effective methods. Recently, I've noticed that my 7-year-old son has been misbehaving, ignoring rules and testing boundaries. In the heat of the moment, I sometimes find myself resorting to physical consequences, such as a light smack on the bottom, believing it will teach him right from wrong. However, I worry that this approach may lead to more harm than good, as it could foster fear rather than understanding. Do you think I can continue with this kind of approach to my child, or should I stop? -- Painful Lessons

DEAR PAINFUL LESSONS: When I was growing up, spanking was part of the family routine. My mother had a gold lame slipper that she would take off her foot and use to whack us across the butt when we had transgressed. The scene was far more dramatic than the physical pain, but I still remember!

I used a pinch as a form of physical discipline for my daughter until one day she had done something wrong at about age 5 and came over to me to show me that she was pinching herself to discipline herself. I felt so guilty!

My relationship to physical punishment has evolved over the years. I do not think that it is helpful other than the fact that it startles children into awareness of the severity of the moment. Inflicting any type of violence on another person cannot be the best choice. I recommend talking with children, explaining the consequences of their actions, taking away privileges and teaching values. This may take longer, but ultimately it is likely to yield more mindful adults.

This form of discipline takes tremendous effort on the part of parents, but that is what parenting is all about, right? In my research, I discovered some basic things that can be helpful. They include parents adopting a positive tone of voice when communicating with children rather than shouting or scolding, showing children how to approach challenging situations by modeling their own behavior and demonstrating how to manage conflicts while keeping your cool.

For more ideas on how to raise a nonviolent child, visit bit.ly/4fmZDK3, a fact sheet from the University of Delaware.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your column this morning was the most uplifting thing I've read in the paper in a long time! Thanks for sharing your mom with us, and the lessons she lives and teaches. God bless her! -- Happy Reader

DEAR HAPPY READER: Thank you for your acknowledgment. My family and I could not be more grateful. We were able to celebrate 95 years of life with my mother, our family and four of her friends who range in age from 94 to 100. It was beautiful to witness the love and support they have for each other. Who knows what the future holds for any of us, but to be in the presence of so much joy and unconditional love was a blessing beyond compare!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)