DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends recently made a comment while we were hanging out and looking at pictures from earlier this year. Out of nowhere, she pointed to one of the photos and said, "It looks like you've gained a few pounds since the first day of the year." To be honest, she's not wrong. This year has been extremely stressful for me in ways that she may not even fully understand. I’ve been juggling a lot and, like many people, when life gets overwhelming, I’ve found it hard to keep up with things like exercise and meal prepping. My focus has been on surviving, not necessarily thriving, and as a result, I’ve put on a little weight.

What bothers me isn’t the observation itself, but the fact that she felt the need to say something about it. I wasn’t seeking her opinion or advice on my body, and it felt unnecessary and even a bit unkind. Now I’m struggling with how I should bring it up to her. I think it’s important to stand up for myself and let her know how her words affected me, especially since this isn’t the first time she’s made a remark like this. What should I tell her? -- Sensitive

DEAR SENSITIVE: Tell your friend that you know you have gained weight this past year. It was a challenging year for you, and you didn’t take care of yourself as you should. Add that it hurt your feelings when she pointed this out to you. Ask her why she felt the need to mention it. Listen to her answer. She may have genuinely wanted to make sure you have noticed your weight gain but couldn’t figure out what to say. We live in a culture now that rightfully calls out fat-shaming. I worry, though, that people now feel afraid to point out concerns when they notice them. I think we need space for our loved ones to chime in with a constructive comment now and then, as long as it's done with sensitivity and kindness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two months now, and while I really enjoy spending time with him and feel like we have a great connection, there’s one issue that’s becoming hard to ignore: his hygiene. Specifically, I’ve noticed that he often has strong body odor. At first, I thought it might just be an occasional thing, like maybe he had a long day at work or forgot to freshen up after the gym. However, as time has gone on, I’ve realized it’s more of a consistent problem.

I have no idea how to bring this up without hurting his feelings. Hygiene can be such a sensitive topic, and I don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel self-conscious. At the same time, I can’t just ignore the issue, because it’s starting to affect how I feel in the relationship. I’ve tried subtle hints, like mentioning how much I love the scent of certain soaps or deodorants, but it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. How do I approach this conversation in a way that’s kind and constructive and doesn’t damage his confidence or our relationship? -- Stinky

DEAR STINKY: You just have to tell him directly. Say that you notice that he sometimes has strong body odor and that you need him to take care of it because it bothers you. Ask him to shower more, use a different soap or find another solution. A number of people decided during COVID to stop wearing deodorant for health reasons. If he is one of those people, make sure he's aware that there are safe, natural alternatives and that he needs to start using them. Be kind but clear. Otherwise, he may never get the message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two young daughters. One is 3 years old, and the other is just 8 months old. I invited my sister to stay with us during the holiday season because she lives far away and the rest of our family is in Delaware. However, my sister failed to tell me before she arrived that she was battling a nasty cold. She came to stay with us anyway, and within a couple of days, both of my daughters ended up getting sick. It was heartbreaking to see them so uncomfortable, especially my 8-month-old, who is so little and vulnerable. Her condition worsened to the point where I had to take her to the hospital. It was one of the most stressful and terrifying experiences of my life as a parent.

What upsets me the most is that this could have been avoided if my sister had been upfront about being sick. I understand that colds happen and that it wasn’t intentional, but I feel like she should have given me the chance to make an informed decision about whether or not to postpone her visit. How can I talk to her about this in a way that communicates how serious this was for us without damaging our relationship? -- Sick Sister

DEAR SICK SISTER: Moms have to be fierce defenders of their children. It is fine for you to speak strongly to your sister about what happened when she came to your house sick. Remind her that both of your children became ill and that the baby had to go to the hospital. This is serious. Request that your sister refrain from visiting you when she is ill. For the sakes of all involved, it’s wiser for her to stay home and get well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently dating someone who is the youngest of 10 siblings. He recently introduced me to his oldest sister, and I got the feeling that she wasn’t really a fan of me. She was rather dismissive throughout the night. I tried expressing my concern to my partner later on, but he sort of laughed it off and minimized her poor etiquette by calling her a “tough nut to crack.”

I am supposed to be meeting his mom for the first time soon and spending time with his family to ring in the new year. I want to make a good impression on them for the sake of our relationship, but I know this sister will be there and can’t help but wonder if all his siblings are “tough nuts.” How do I bring forth my best self when it seems like some of his loved ones are simply not interested in getting to know me? -- Family Hurdles

DEAR FAMILY HURDLES: Sometimes you have to jump through hoops to prove to your partner’s family that you are “worthy” of their approval. Play along. Get to know them. Answer their questions. Ask them questions. People love to talk about themselves. Encourage stories about when they were all children. Be yourself. Show them how you feel about your partner. Be patient.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been feeling overwhelmed at work. I was hired as support for one team but have now been expected to regularly cover two large teams. I sometimes find myself struggling to efficiently and seamlessly complete tasks for my main team while juggling tasks on both ends. Per my year-end review, I think my manager noticed a shift in my attitude in the office and with my colleagues (specifically, that I've been less social and much more uptight). As a result, my manager let me know that if I would prefer to support only the team I was originally hired for, I just need to let them know, and they’ll begin looking for another hire.

This feels like an impossible decision. I can’t help but feel like neither scenario is a win. If I say I no longer want to support both, it appears as though I am not able to handle more (even though this is a company I’m looking to grow with). If I continue to let the strenuous weight of the second team impede my performance with the first team, I will appear incompetent anyway. What would you do? -- How To Grow

DEAR HOW TO GROW: Refresh your attitude with a winner’s mindset. Study the duties you now have, and look for ways to streamline the work or enlist support. Seek out solutions and recommend them to your boss as you clearly demonstrate that you are willing and able to do what it takes to succeed, even if that means delegating some of the work. Give yourself a timeline for showing your boss that you are a team player and a creative problem solver. Ask for help when you need it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been living in New York City for the past five years. We initially moved here for the career opportunities and the exciting, vibrant lifestyle that the city offers. My husband finds the fast-paced lifestyle exhausting and feels like it’s starting to take a toll on his mental and physical health. He’s been expressing a strong desire to leave the city and move somewhere quieter and slower-paced where we could settle down and eventually start a family. While I completely understand and respect his feelings, I find myself hesitant to leave.

For me, NYC isn’t just where we live; it’s where I feel most alive. I love the energy, the diversity and the endless things to do, and the idea of raising kids here doesn’t bother me at all. I think it could actually be a great place for them to grow up with so many cultural and educational opportunities. I worry that moving to a smaller town or suburb might leave me feeling stifled and disconnected. I’m torn between staying in a city that I love and prioritizing my husband's happiness and our shared goals for the future. How do we deal with such a difference in perspective? -- Where To Live

DEAR WHERE TO LIVE: It is possible to live close to NYC without being in the center of the hustle and bustle. Start in the outer boroughs where there are quiet neighborhoods, or venture further into other areas in the state that provide good public schools and healthy neighborhoods. In this way, you can be city-adjacent, maintaining a family presence on the periphery, but remain easily able to pop into the city for special occasions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)