DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a first date with a guy, and I’m trying to decide if I should give him another chance. On one hand, he was kind and respectful toward me, which I really appreciated. However, there were a few things that made me feel unsure about whether I want to continue seeing him.

First, he invited me out for drinks, and I agreed. But when it came time to pay, he realized he’d forgotten his wallet. It seemed like a genuine mistake, and he was really apologetic about it, but it still left me feeling a bit awkward. I ended up covering the bill, and he promised to make it up to me. While I understand that accidents happen, part of me couldn’t help but wonder if this was a red flag or just an unlucky situation. Second, he mentioned that he’d had a really long and stressful day at work, and it definitely showed. There were moments during our date when he seemed a little distracted and out of it, almost like he wasn’t fully present. Again, I get that we all have off days, but it made it hard for me to feel like I got a real sense of his personality. How do I know if I’m being too critical or if these are legitimate signs that we might not be a good match? -- What’s Next

DEAR WHAT’S NEXT: Think back on the date. What did you learn about him? Is he interesting? What did you like about his personality? Despite his lack of mindfulness, did anything stand out for you? If not, just move on. If you think there’s a chance you might like him, agree to a second date but do not pay for it. Watch to see if he offers to reimburse you for the first date, keeping in mind that he promised to do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I are planning our wedding, which is set to take place next year, but we’re struggling to agree on the location. He’s been dreaming of a destination wedding in Italy, while I feel strongly about keeping it local to our home in South Dakota. The idea of a wedding in Italy sounds beautiful; however, for me, practicality and family are what matter most. Both of our families live here in South Dakota, and hosting a local wedding would make it much easier and more affordable for everyone to celebrate with us. My family, in particular, doesn’t have the financial means to travel to Italy. We come from a blue-collar background, so asking them to take on the cost of international flights, accommodations and other expenses isn’t realistic.

I’ve tried explaining to my fiance that if we choose Italy, many of my loved ones likely won’t be able to attend. The thought of them missing out on one of the most important days of my life makes me extremely sad. While I want to respect his wishes and create a day that reflects both of our dreams, I can’t help but feel like a destination wedding might come at too great a cost. How can I get my future husband to be on board with a wedding in South Dakota? -- Location, Location, Location

DEAR LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION: A compromise could be to host the wedding at home and take your honeymoon in Italy. You could even invite a few friends who want to travel to join you for a party in Italy. That way you both get a touch of what each of you wants.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of last year, I met the man of my dreams. He continues to amaze me in more ways than one: He prioritizes me; he’s really considerate and affectionate; he’s accomplished and ambitious; AND he’s hilarious. Lately, though, I’ve been having some concerns about what our future will look like. He has three children from a previous marriage. He always makes it seem as though things are amicable with them and going well, but I don’t feel totally confident. Although he is really attentive and proactive when it comes to my needs and our relationship, I worry because it is rare that I hear or see him interacting with his children. We often spend entire weekends together, and I am beginning to wonder when or if he spends time with them.

He often reassures me that he sees them for all important occasions and “as needed” (which he claims is often during weekdays), but I’m not sure how true that is and don’t necessarily know how to express that. I love my partner, and he has expressed a strong desire to have more children in the future. How can I address my concerns with him before moving further into our relationship? -- Kid Connection

DEAR KID CONNECTION: Tell your partner that you are enjoying your relationship and agree with him that it may be time to think about your future together. Share that you are curious about his relationship with his children and what that may look like in the future. Ask to meet his children so you can see for yourself what type of relationship they have. It could be that he has established a rhythm with them that works, or it could be that they are completely estranged. Find out by meeting them and seeing for yourself, and continue the conversation about the future and what you both envision life together to be like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends and I met and grew up together in the church. For as long as we’ve known each other, we’ve been heavily involved in our church community, practices and traditions. The past few years, though, I’ve noticed that she has taken a really big step back from these things. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or if it’s simply a matter of time or other priorities in her life. I am still heavily involved in our childhood church and share stories and updates with her often, but she never mentions wanting to return or stop in or restart, so I wonder if that’s a conversation she’d prefer not to have.

I know people’s spiritual life can sometimes be a sensitive topic, and I want to be mindful of that, but I’d also hate to see a friend miss out on this aspect of her life because I was too afraid to ask some hard questions. How can I inquire about changes in her spiritual life without coming off as intrusive? I don’t want to be presumptuous or overstep. -- Come Back

DEAR COME BACK: Sit with your friend and tell her you miss her at church. Share how important it has been for you at this time in your life. Ask her if she would consider coming to a service or another activity to see if it’s still a fit for her. Don’t push. Invite.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends recently made a comment while we were hanging out and looking at pictures from earlier this year. Out of nowhere, she pointed to one of the photos and said, "It looks like you've gained a few pounds since the first day of the year." To be honest, she's not wrong. This year has been extremely stressful for me in ways that she may not even fully understand. I’ve been juggling a lot and, like many people, when life gets overwhelming, I’ve found it hard to keep up with things like exercise and meal prepping. My focus has been on surviving, not necessarily thriving, and as a result, I’ve put on a little weight.

What bothers me isn’t the observation itself, but the fact that she felt the need to say something about it. I wasn’t seeking her opinion or advice on my body, and it felt unnecessary and even a bit unkind. Now I’m struggling with how I should bring it up to her. I think it’s important to stand up for myself and let her know how her words affected me, especially since this isn’t the first time she’s made a remark like this. What should I tell her? -- Sensitive

DEAR SENSITIVE: Tell your friend that you know you have gained weight this past year. It was a challenging year for you, and you didn’t take care of yourself as you should. Add that it hurt your feelings when she pointed this out to you. Ask her why she felt the need to mention it. Listen to her answer. She may have genuinely wanted to make sure you have noticed your weight gain but couldn’t figure out what to say. We live in a culture now that rightfully calls out fat-shaming. I worry, though, that people now feel afraid to point out concerns when they notice them. I think we need space for our loved ones to chime in with a constructive comment now and then, as long as it's done with sensitivity and kindness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two months now, and while I really enjoy spending time with him and feel like we have a great connection, there’s one issue that’s becoming hard to ignore: his hygiene. Specifically, I’ve noticed that he often has strong body odor. At first, I thought it might just be an occasional thing, like maybe he had a long day at work or forgot to freshen up after the gym. However, as time has gone on, I’ve realized it’s more of a consistent problem.

I have no idea how to bring this up without hurting his feelings. Hygiene can be such a sensitive topic, and I don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel self-conscious. At the same time, I can’t just ignore the issue, because it’s starting to affect how I feel in the relationship. I’ve tried subtle hints, like mentioning how much I love the scent of certain soaps or deodorants, but it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. How do I approach this conversation in a way that’s kind and constructive and doesn’t damage his confidence or our relationship? -- Stinky

DEAR STINKY: You just have to tell him directly. Say that you notice that he sometimes has strong body odor and that you need him to take care of it because it bothers you. Ask him to shower more, use a different soap or find another solution. A number of people decided during COVID to stop wearing deodorant for health reasons. If he is one of those people, make sure he's aware that there are safe, natural alternatives and that he needs to start using them. Be kind but clear. Otherwise, he may never get the message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)