DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter recently got into trouble at school, and now I’m torn about whether to let her go ahead with the birthday party we’ve been planning for her.

The situation at school was serious: She was caught being disrespectful to a teacher and breaking some of the school rules. When I spoke to her about it, she seemed remorseful, but I’m not entirely sure if she understands the gravity of her actions or how her behavior reflects on her character and values. Her birthday is coming up in just a few weeks, and we’ve already started organizing a party for her with friends and family. However, I’m struggling with whether it’s appropriate to reward her with a big celebration so soon after this incident. Part of me feels like canceling or postponing the party might send a stronger message about accountability and the importance of good behavior. On the other hand, I don’t want to be overly harsh. She’s a teenager, and I know that kids her age are still learning and making mistakes. Canceling her party might feel like an excessive punishment and could damage our relationship. Should we allow her to keep the party on her birthday? -- Disciplinary Woes

DEAR DISCIPLINARY WOES: Rather than waiting until your daughter’s birthday to punish her, do something now to ensure that she understands the gravity of her actions. Take away her cellphone for a couple of weeks as you also require her to write an essay about what it means to be accountable for her actions. Have her contemplate what happened, and craft an apology that delineates her understanding of what she did wrong and how she can avoid making such a bad decision in the future. Don’t wait for the birthday, as they are unrelated. Address this situation now.

You can also simplify the party if you think that will send an additional message, but you don’t have to cancel it. Instead, tend to this indiscretion now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 38 years old. I’ve been married for two years, and I gave birth to my first child six months ago. Although I am enjoying motherhood, giving birth was not at all what I expected. Labor was not easy on me. I had to be induced, and though I wasn’t dilating, I was in so much pain. My blood pressure rose, and I ended up having an emergency C-section. That was a really scary experience for me, and at my age, I don’t believe a second time around would be easier. My husband wants more children, and although I love being a mom to my beautiful boy, I am more than happy with just the three of us. When he discusses future siblings for our baby, I try to dial him back by saying it was a lot on me or ask why he wants more, but we’re still not on the same page. Is this sort of fear worth going to therapy for? Or is it OK to accept that I do not want to do that again? -- Another Child

DEAR ANOTHER CHILD: Talk to your OB-GYN to gain insight about your health and options. Be frank with your husband about your feelings today based on what happened to you when you gave birth. Tell him that right now, you are not ready. Be clear that your decision will be based on your own comfort level and your doctor's recommendation, and don't forget that adoption is always an option.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a first date with a guy, and I’m trying to decide if I should give him another chance. On one hand, he was kind and respectful toward me, which I really appreciated. However, there were a few things that made me feel unsure about whether I want to continue seeing him.

First, he invited me out for drinks, and I agreed. But when it came time to pay, he realized he’d forgotten his wallet. It seemed like a genuine mistake, and he was really apologetic about it, but it still left me feeling a bit awkward. I ended up covering the bill, and he promised to make it up to me. While I understand that accidents happen, part of me couldn’t help but wonder if this was a red flag or just an unlucky situation. Second, he mentioned that he’d had a really long and stressful day at work, and it definitely showed. There were moments during our date when he seemed a little distracted and out of it, almost like he wasn’t fully present. Again, I get that we all have off days, but it made it hard for me to feel like I got a real sense of his personality. How do I know if I’m being too critical or if these are legitimate signs that we might not be a good match? -- What’s Next

DEAR WHAT’S NEXT: Think back on the date. What did you learn about him? Is he interesting? What did you like about his personality? Despite his lack of mindfulness, did anything stand out for you? If not, just move on. If you think there’s a chance you might like him, agree to a second date but do not pay for it. Watch to see if he offers to reimburse you for the first date, keeping in mind that he promised to do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I are planning our wedding, which is set to take place next year, but we’re struggling to agree on the location. He’s been dreaming of a destination wedding in Italy, while I feel strongly about keeping it local to our home in South Dakota. The idea of a wedding in Italy sounds beautiful; however, for me, practicality and family are what matter most. Both of our families live here in South Dakota, and hosting a local wedding would make it much easier and more affordable for everyone to celebrate with us. My family, in particular, doesn’t have the financial means to travel to Italy. We come from a blue-collar background, so asking them to take on the cost of international flights, accommodations and other expenses isn’t realistic.

I’ve tried explaining to my fiance that if we choose Italy, many of my loved ones likely won’t be able to attend. The thought of them missing out on one of the most important days of my life makes me extremely sad. While I want to respect his wishes and create a day that reflects both of our dreams, I can’t help but feel like a destination wedding might come at too great a cost. How can I get my future husband to be on board with a wedding in South Dakota? -- Location, Location, Location

DEAR LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION: A compromise could be to host the wedding at home and take your honeymoon in Italy. You could even invite a few friends who want to travel to join you for a party in Italy. That way you both get a touch of what each of you wants.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At the beginning of last year, I met the man of my dreams. He continues to amaze me in more ways than one: He prioritizes me; he’s really considerate and affectionate; he’s accomplished and ambitious; AND he’s hilarious. Lately, though, I’ve been having some concerns about what our future will look like. He has three children from a previous marriage. He always makes it seem as though things are amicable with them and going well, but I don’t feel totally confident. Although he is really attentive and proactive when it comes to my needs and our relationship, I worry because it is rare that I hear or see him interacting with his children. We often spend entire weekends together, and I am beginning to wonder when or if he spends time with them.

He often reassures me that he sees them for all important occasions and “as needed” (which he claims is often during weekdays), but I’m not sure how true that is and don’t necessarily know how to express that. I love my partner, and he has expressed a strong desire to have more children in the future. How can I address my concerns with him before moving further into our relationship? -- Kid Connection

DEAR KID CONNECTION: Tell your partner that you are enjoying your relationship and agree with him that it may be time to think about your future together. Share that you are curious about his relationship with his children and what that may look like in the future. Ask to meet his children so you can see for yourself what type of relationship they have. It could be that he has established a rhythm with them that works, or it could be that they are completely estranged. Find out by meeting them and seeing for yourself, and continue the conversation about the future and what you both envision life together to be like.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends and I met and grew up together in the church. For as long as we’ve known each other, we’ve been heavily involved in our church community, practices and traditions. The past few years, though, I’ve noticed that she has taken a really big step back from these things. I’m not sure if it’s intentional or if it’s simply a matter of time or other priorities in her life. I am still heavily involved in our childhood church and share stories and updates with her often, but she never mentions wanting to return or stop in or restart, so I wonder if that’s a conversation she’d prefer not to have.

I know people’s spiritual life can sometimes be a sensitive topic, and I want to be mindful of that, but I’d also hate to see a friend miss out on this aspect of her life because I was too afraid to ask some hard questions. How can I inquire about changes in her spiritual life without coming off as intrusive? I don’t want to be presumptuous or overstep. -- Come Back

DEAR COME BACK: Sit with your friend and tell her you miss her at church. Share how important it has been for you at this time in your life. Ask her if she would consider coming to a service or another activity to see if it’s still a fit for her. Don’t push. Invite.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)