Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think I’m still in love with my ex. Is it possible it just wasn’t the right time for us?

My ex and I ran into each other for the first time in a long time at a party back in December, and it’s as if we picked up where we left off. There was some subtle avoidance at first, but he checked on me throughout the night and insisted that he drive me home afterward. I always appreciated how he would take care of me.

Since it was only one night, I decided not to make it more than it was. I didn’t want to kick off some on-again, off-again pattern. Then last week he reached out and invited me to see his music group perform -- something I used to do when we were in a relationship. All these reminders of the past are stirring up feelings I had for him, and it makes me wonder if I’m still in love with him. If so, should I act on it? -- Right Timing

DEAR RIGHT TIMING: Take a pause and assess the situation as objectively as you can. Write down what worked about your relationship in the past -- and what didn’t. What made you happy about being with him? What prompted you to end the relationship?

If your assessment suggests that there could be something real that’s worth exploring, go forward. Be sure to talk it through so that you both go in with open eyes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It seems like, aside from inflation, the world is almost back to pre-pandemic order. Some of the changes that came with COVID-19, like wearing masks and working from home, seem to be less important to some people. For the past two years, my job has been hybrid, working four days in the office and one day at home. Overall, company performance has been stellar.

Despite that, the higher-ups are saying that they want us to work in-office five days a week, which I think is inconsiderate to the employees. We get one day at home to get a break from commuting, get an extra hour of sleep, run an errand on our lunch breaks -- and still work! Why do they have to take that away if the company is still doing well? I know the job market is tough, but do you think this is a valid reason to leave my job? I want to be somewhere that recognizes that there is more to life than just work, but I’m not sure if that truly exists anywhere. -- In-Person Employee

DEAR IN-PERSON EMPLOYEE: I’m sorry to report that many companies have been trying to figure out how to get their staff back to the office full-time. Once the United States government required every federal employee to rejoin the office workforce full-time, many other companies fell in line.

Should this new rule send you looking for a new job? I don’t think so. Instead, open a dialogue with your supervisor to see if there is any wiggle room for a four-day week -- if not every week, maybe sometimes. You can keep your eyes open for remote job opportunities, but it is wise to accept that the way the people work is ever-changing, and you will need to be willing to be adaptable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors are from another country, and honestly I think they have the worst body odor ever. Their house isn’t dirty; I think it must just be what they eat. All I know is that the smell seeps into the hallway and makes me gag. There’s nothing I can say about it, but is there anything I can do? We live in an apartment building, so we are physically close to each other. I feel sick every time I walk past their door. -- Bad Body Odor

DEAR BAD BODY ODOR: What people eat can impact how they smell. Think about how your breath smells after you eat onions. Then amplify that based on a steady diet of some kind of pungent food. You are right that you cannot ask them to do something to make a difference.

You can use incense, candles or room fragrance in your own apartment to cover it with a scent that you prefer. If there is a table or surface in the hallway of your building where you can put scented reeds, try that. There’s no risk of fire, but it will alter the scent of the space.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of your readers, “Health-Conscious,” asked how to inspire diabetes-prone family members to begin better health practices. According to medical statistics, however, diabetics are the second-LEAST compliant patients a doctor sees. That means that even when diagnosed, diabetics are among the least likely patients to follow medical advice and protocols or use medication. (The No. 1 least-compliant patients are those with COPD.)

I know of at least one patient who ignored his symptoms until one leg was necrotic and had to be amputated above the knee. Due to continued noncompliance and complications, he spent 13 months in the hospital, required 3 more surgeries, contracted pneumonia and has accumulated approximately $2.5 million in hospital bills. He has major organ involvement and is disabled for the remainder of his life.

This man keeps ignoring consequences, and his partner suspects that when he's able to make trips on his scooter around the neighborhood, he stops at coffee shops and eats sweets "on the sly."

While the letter-writer is well-meaning and probably afraid for their relatives, there's little that can be done other than point out the risks and be a good role model. I also come from a high-risk family and have maintained a healthy lifestyle for 75 years without incident.

I wish everyone in this situation the best, but realize that trying to change a diabetic is basically impossible; they need to do it themselves, and all one can do is offer support if they do. -- Reality Check

DEAR REALITY CHECK: Thank you for this sobering reminder to families and those who are living with diabetes. As I researched further on how caregivers can protect themselves and their loved ones, I noticed the insights are slim. Here are a few pointers that suggest you stay practical as you love them and tend to yourself: medtronicdiabetes.com/family-and-children/tips-for-caregivers.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who is always upbeat, kind and full of energy, which is why I was surprised when she recently confided in me that she has been struggling with her mental health. She didn’t go into too much detail, but I could tell that it’s been weighing on her for a while.

I want to be a good friend and offer her the support she needs, but I’m not sure of the best way to do that. I don’t want to overstep or make her feel uncomfortable, but I also don’t want her to feel like she has to go through this alone. How can I be there for her in a way that’s helpful and supportive without being intrusive? Should I encourage her to seek professional help, or is it better just to listen and let her open up on her own terms? I care about her and don’t want to say the wrong thing or make her feel worse. At the same time, I worry that if I don’t check in enough, she might feel like no one notices or cares. -- Snapped

DEAR SNAPPED: Your friend clearly trusts you, or she would not have shared her secret. By all means, stay in close touch with her. Yes, you can listen, but you are not a therapist. Be sure to let her know that you have learned that the best way to get help when you need it is to go to a pro. She can find a therapist who will listen to her and support her as she unpacks what is going on in her life.

Remind her that there is no shame in seeking out help when you need it. This is especially true when you have presented yourself in a way that will lead others to believe that you have no problems. That can be isolating. Encourage your friend to get help. It can be completely confidential and is well worth it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on vacation to Spain for a week with friends I’ve known for 20 years. Everything started off fine; we had a great time exploring, reminiscing and enjoying one another’s company. As the days went on, tensions started to rise, and we found ourselves arguing about things that had been bothering us for years but had never been addressed. Small annoyances turned into big fights, and by the end of the trip, we were all more frustrated with one another than anything else. Now that some time has passed, I’ve had a chance to reflect, and honestly, the arguments seem small. I don’t want to lose these friendships over things that were said in the heat of the moment, but I’m not sure how to move forward. What’s the best way to mend friendships after a blowout like this? -- Fallout

DEAR FALLOUT: Be the first one to reach out to someone in the group or to the group text and say that it was unfortunate that you all started bickering, but in hindsight, you value the friendships more than whatever happened to make things devolve. Ask them if you can all get together and start fresh. No need to rehash what happened unless someone feels strongly about it. See if you can move forward.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)