Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently graduated and entered the workforce, and while I feel grateful to have landed a full-time position in marketing, I’m starting to feel a bit lost. The job itself is fine. I have a supportive team and decent pay, and I get to use some of the skills I learned in school; still, something feels off. I don’t feel fulfilled. I keep wondering if I chose this field just because it felt safe or convenient at the time, not because it’s what I truly want to do.

Now that I’m a few months in, I’m thinking about pivoting, but into what? I’ve explored different industries and roles online, listened to podcasts, even tried informational interviews, but nothing is really clicking. It’s hard not to compare myself to peers who seem to know exactly what they want and are charging full speed ahead while I’m stuck questioning everything. I worry that if I jump ship too soon or too often, I’ll look flaky or unfocused. I also worry that if I stay too long in a role that doesn’t inspire me, I’ll end up stuck in a career I never truly wanted. How do I figure out what direction to go in when I don’t even know what interests me yet? Is this kind of uncertainty normal in the early stages of a career? -- Just Getting Started

DEAR JUST GETTING STARTED: Be patient. One mistake that many people make as they begin their careers is to jump ship too soon. Give yourself a chance to learn as much as you can on this job. Soak it all in. Meet as many people as you can as you explore other potential areas of interest. Stop comparing yourself to others and just learn. Many people have multiple pivots along their career journeys. You don’t have to stay in one role for life, but give yourself a chance to gain knowledge and skills -- and a good reference -- before leaving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I’ve been feeling unsupported. Last year was extremely difficult for me, and it felt as though my friends weren’t there for me. I know we’re all adults and have our own schedules and life challenges, so I’m not sure if my expectations were too high. I don’t want to impose, but my friends always tell me that they’re here for me. Yet, when I suffered from a major loss and found the courage to tell them that I needed support, they seemed to be distant. Have my friends and I outgrown each other? Am I overreacting? Is there a way to address this with my friends without sounding entitled? -- Feeling Neglected

DEAR FEELING NEGLECTED: When you told your friends you needed their support, were you specific in outlining your needs? Was it a reasonable request? Sometimes, when people face a crisis, they cry out for help in such a general way that others don’t know how to help. Other times, people rely on friends for everything, which can feel overwhelming.

Evaluate what you actually need and want from friends and ask for that specifically. If they remain unresponsive, ask them why. You can tell them it hurts your feelings that they haven’t been helpful. Ask what you did that may have turned them off. Finally, ask yourself if you might have missed some opportunities to support your friends in the past. If so, it may be time to apologize, now that you know what that feels like from the other side.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I volunteer at my local humane society every weekend, and over the past several months, I’ve developed a real connection with one of the cats there. Her name is Marbles, and she’s been at the shelter for more than a year now. She’s had a rough past, and she can be a bit aggressive at times, especially around strangers or loud noises, but there’s a deep sadness in her eyes that breaks my heart. Despite her tough exterior, she’s really opened up to me, and I can tell she trusts me.

I really want to adopt her, but my boyfriend is completely against having pets. He says they’re too much responsibility and mess and that it would make our apartment feel chaotic. We’ve talked about it several times, and he hasn’t budged. I understand where he’s coming from, but I can’t stop thinking about Marbles and how much she needs a stable home and someone who truly understands her. It feels like I’m abandoning her every time I leave. I’m torn between respecting my relationship and doing what I feel is right for this cat who’s already been through so much. Is there a way to make this work without causing serious tension at home? -- Love That Stray

DEAR LOVE THAT STRAY: As torn as you are, it would be unfair to the cat to bring her into a home where she isn’t welcome. The animal has already been traumatized by whatever happened in the past. The best you can do is love her when you are there with her and keep your eyes open for someone who may be the perfect person to take her home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old daughter recently asked me if she could be homeschooled, and her reason completely broke my heart. When I asked her why, she told me that she doesn’t have any friends at school. She said she’s tired of spending every recess and lunch period alone, watching the other kids laugh and play in their groups while she sits by herself. She made it clear that no one is bullying her or being outright mean. According to her, the other kids aren’t interested in the same things as her, and because of that, they don’t invite her to play or talk. She said it’s like she’s invisible, and that going to school each day makes her feel sad and left out. It was hard to hear that, and I’ve been turning it over in my head ever since. I don’t want to dismiss her feelings, and I want her to know I take them seriously. I also worry about taking her out of school too quickly. I’m torn between wanting to protect her from this sadness and wanting to help her work through it in a way that builds resilience and social skills. Would homeschooling really be the best option, or is there something else I should try first? -- Homeschool

DEAR HOMESCHOOL: Talk to your daughter’s teacher or the school’s guidance counselor about strategies to integrate her into social life there. Enroll her in extracurricular activities that she finds interesting to boost her social engagement. Consider moving her to another school before bringing her home.

If you do decide on homeschooling, make sure you have the time and patience to teach her. To learn more about how to begin homeschooling, visit hslda.org/post/7-simple-steps-to-start-homeschooling. Know, however, that even if you take this step, you will still need to make every effort to find ways to get your daughter to interact with kids her own age so that she can develop the social skills she will need in life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister won’t answer my calls or call me back, and I have no idea what I did wrong. She has never been great at communicating, but now she has gone radio silent. At first, I thought she was just busy, but it’s been a while now, and I’m starting to worry that something is really wrong between us. I’ve tried texting her, leaving voicemails and even reaching out through social media, but I haven’t gotten any response. Unfortunately, she lives across the country from me, so I can’t just visit her house.

I’ve called my parents to see if she’s been in contact with them, and they say that she has. I don’t want to push too hard and make things worse, but at the same time, I don’t want to sit back and let our relationship fade. Should I give her space and wait for her to come around, or should I try to get to the bottom of what’s going on? I love my sister and don’t want to lose our connection, but I’m not sure what to do next. -- Sibling Chasm

DEAR SIBLING CHASM: Clearly, your sister does not want to talk to you. Whatever her reasons are, you are not going to find out right now. You have no choice but to wait. You can write her a letter telling her that you miss her and are concerned that she has cut off communication with you. Apologize for anything that you may have said or done that caused her to disengage from you. Ask her to reach out when she is ready.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a basketball coach, and I have two players on my team who just can’t seem to get along. No matter what I do, they are constantly bickering, and it’s starting to affect not just their performance but the entire team’s dynamic. I’ve already tried sitting them down to talk things out, hoping they could find common ground, but I haven’t seen much of a difference. They’re both talented players, and I know they care about the game, but their inability to work together is becoming a real problem.

I don’t want this tension to bring down the morale of the rest of the team, but I also don’t want to pick sides or handle this unfairly. What’s the best way to encourage teamwork and resolve conflicts between players who just don’t see eye to eye? Should I involve their parents, or would that just make things worse? -- At Odds

DEAR AT ODDS: If you have a deep enough bench that you can do without these players for a bit, replace them with others and tell them that they cannot come back unless they figure out how to behave better. Yes, do speak to their parents to inform them of the bad behavior and to ask if anything is going on in their kids’ lives that would lead to the agitation that you are witnessing. Ask the parents to support their children by talking to them and helping to get to the reason for this behavior. You can work with the school’s guidance counselor on an intervention as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)