Betcha didn't know about the Merlympics in Geneva, Switzerland. The event, in existence since 2015, is designed to "prove athleticism" among mermaid competitors, KSL-TV reported. At the May games, Mia Sim, 22, of Provo, Utah, secured her title as the fastest mermaid in the world. Sim has been mermaiding for 10 years; at the Merlympics, athletes must compete in five categories, including ecology (diving to the bottom and picking up trash); underwater posing for photographs; and rescue (swimming to "save" a submerged dummy) -- all while wearing full mermaid or merman gear. "It's not a skill that's easily learned," Sim said of mermaiding. "This type of restriction on your body is very difficult for people to understand." She has now been inducted into Team USA and hopes other Utah mermaids will aspire to such heights. [KSL, 7/7/2024]

Keep Digging

During a court hearing on July 2 in Crown Point, Indiana, defendant Devontae Harris, 26, just couldn't keep his shovel quiet, the Chicago Tribune reported. Lake Superior Court Judge Gina Jones was hearing Harris' argument for a plea deal in a stalking and battery case from November 2022, but when she denied the deal, Harris called her names and said, "... you think you know about stuff. I done killed (people). I got bodies under my belt. Go solve them." He also threatened to throw his chair at the judge and asked her to perform a sex act on him. Jones added 210 days to Harris' jail term, increasing it to 13 months. [Chicago Tribune, 7/5/2024]

Weird in the Wild

Bigfoot walks among us -- or at least among campers in Louisiana, MSN reported. On June 28, the Natchitoches Parish Sheriff's Office responded to a call for help from a group of campers, high school graduates from Houma, Louisiana, who were celebrating their matriculation. The kids were camping in Kisatchie National Forest and told officers they heard growling and saw a 5-foot-tall animal with glowing eyes. Officers were unable to locate the creature, but they escorted the campers back to their vehicle. [MSN, 7/2/2024]

That Rule Doesn't Apply to Me: South Africa Edition

On July 7 in South Africa, a visitor to the Pilanesberg National Park lost his life after being trampled by an elephant, CTV News reported. The 43-year-old man was driving through the park when he left his car and approached a herd to take photographs, police said. Three other people in the car were unharmed. The elephant herd included young calves, which may have made the adults more aggressive. Piet Nel, chief conservation officer for the North West Parks and Tourism Board, said visitors are explicitly instructed not to leave their cars. "We must remember that you are entering a wild area," he said. [CTV News, 7/9/2024]

Ignominious

The San Diego Humane Society has put the city on the map, but maybe not in a good way. CBS8-TV reported on July 8 that the SDHS claims the city has more fleas than any other city in the United States, making its pets miserable. "We have a perfect climate here, where it is warm year-round," said Zarah Hedge, chief medical officer at the SDHS. "It's just a perfect environment for them to live in." Hedge recommended pet owners talk to their veterinarians about treatment. Or, you could move. [CBS8, 7/8/2024]

Oh, the Christianity!

Roger Allan Holmberg Sr., 75, pastor of Grace Baptist Temple in Anchorage, Alaska, was arrested on July 2 after assaulting his wife, who has epilepsy, on a flight from Seattle to Anchorage, ABC News reported. The conflict started when Holmberg's wife got upgraded to first class, and he didn't. Shortly after liftoff, Holmberg appeared in the first-class cabin and asked his wife, "How the hell did you get the upgrade?" She answered, "I'm a gold point member. Don't speak to me like that." Holmberg returned to his seat but then approached again, asking his wife to read what was on his phone, after which he gave her the finger. During the third confrontation, according to the complaint, Holmberg "attempted to swing his arm towards (the victim)" and struck "the top of the victim's head with his hand." An off-duty police officer on board told Holmberg if there were any more incidents during the flight, he would have to wear handcuffs. An FBI agent met the plane when it landed and arrested Holmberg on one count of simple assault. Alaska Airlines said it had banned him from its flights. [ABC News, 7/9/2024]

Recent Alarming Headline

Four Sri Lankan fishermen are dead and two others are critically ill after they drank from bottles they found floating in the ocean, the BBC reported on June 29. The Sri Lankan Navy said the fishers thought the bottles contained alcohol, and they distributed some bottles to other crews fishing in the area. The navy said it was treating the men aboard their craft, the Devon, and trying to get them back to shore. Authorities are testing the contents of the bottles to determine what the sailors drank. [BBC, 6/29/2024]

Bright Idea

After Daniel Jean, 39, and Esmy Valdez, 38, of Brooklyn, New York, exchanged wedding vows on June 27, they celebrated with friends at an unconventional venue: the New York subway L train, according to the New York Post. The couple hosted 20 invited guests -- plus a bunch of strangers -- on July 2 at a "dope reception," Jean said. "We didn't have the money to do the dream reception that I'd always envisioned," he said. But for only $3,000, the couple had food catered by O's Grill Spot, a cake, drinks and music. Valdez was charmed: "When I walked onto the train and saw everything, I thought, 'Wow, I picked the right guy,'" she said. "Our reception was all about love." [NY Post, 7/3/2024]

The Tech Revolution

Welcome to the 21st century, Japan! Reuters reported on July 3 that the government has eliminated all use of floppy disks in all its systems. "We have won the war on floppy disks on June 28!" announced Digital Minister Taro Kono. What a relief! [Reuters, 7/3/2024]

Celebrities: They're Just Like Us!

The famous-for-being-famous crowd lit up with a dirty little story in mid-June about Derek Blasberg, 42, a "professional best friend to celebrities," having a blowout time at Gwyneth Paltrow's guest cottage in the Hamptons. Variety reported that Blasberg was outed as the culprit behind an "intense bowel movement" that caused considerable damage. Insiders say Blasberg cited his use of the diabetes drug Ozempic as the cause of his distress, but one doubter poo-poo'd the idea: "That's just what he told everyone." [Variety, 7/5/2024]

Woof!

This year's Anthrocon gathering in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was about much more than meeting other "furry" friends, KDKA-TV reported. The convention, held on July 4-7, draws people who like to dress as animals and their fans and raises money for charity; this year, donations were solicited for Gray Paws Sanctuary, a Pittsburgh-based volunteer organization dedicated to rescuing senior dogs. With thousands of furries attending the gathering, Anthrocon brought in $100,000 for Gray Paws, breaking a fundraising record. Darla Poole Brescia with Gray Paws was ecstatic: "A hundred thousand is about our annual operating budget, so we are able to save twice as many dogs this year. The Anthrocon people are the nicest people." [KDKA, 7/9/2024]

Rolling Stone reported on July 2 that prolific baby daddy and host of "The Masked Singer" Nick Cannon has recently insured his "most valuable assets" for $10 million. "You hear about, like, all these different celebrities insuring their legs ... so I was like, 'Hey, well, I got to insure my most valuable body part,'" Cannon said. Even better, the "Ball-to-Ball" policy was taken out with Dr. Squatch, a men's grooming company that invites users to find the "value of their balls." The father of 12 (with five different mamas) said he's "doubling down on ... my future kids." [Rolling Stone, 7/2/2024]

Recent Alarming Headline

A sinkhole 100 feet wide and 100 feet deep opened up on June 26, smack-dab in the middle of a soccer complex in Alton, Illinois, The Telegraph reported. The fields are built over an operating limestone mine; the field collapsed above the ceiling of the mine, which is 40 to 50 feet thick. Alton Parks and Recreation Director Michael Haynes said the fields were empty and no one was injured in the collapse, including miners. Along with the artificial turf, the hole sucked up benches and a light pole on the field. [Telegraph, 6/26/2024]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

-- On June 24 in a federal by-election in Toronto, Canada, candidate Felix-Antoine Hamel, 45, made history: He received zero votes. The CBC reported that Hamel was approached by a friend to add his name to the ballot, one of the longest in Canadian history, as part of a protest against Canada's electoral system. "Well, I am the true unity candidate," Hamel said. "Everyone agrees not to vote for me." Hamel couldn't even vote for himself, as he is from Montreal, not Toronto. "I'm one of the last people that would be expected to make Canadian history in any way," the musician said. [CBC, 6/27/2024]

-- Jillian Uygun, 22, of Seminole, Florida, just wanted a cuddle from her boyfriend on June 29, The Smoking Gun reported. But when he refused her, they argued about the "victim's disinterest," police said. The next morning, Uygun repeatedly tried to snuggle with the boyfriend -- then allegedly took it up a notch, grabbing his chest hair, scratching his face, biting him on the forehead and breaking his phone. She was arrested for domestic battery, and a judge ordered her to have no contact with her cuddle-resistant boyfriend. [Smoking Gun, 7/1/2024]

Ewwwww!

Residents of Pomfret, Connecticut, ended their day on a crappy note on June 25, WVIT-TV reported. That evening, a manure truck rolled over in an intersection, hitting another car and spilling its stinky load. "It was literally a waterfall of brown," said Ann Bedard, whose house lies at the intersection where the crash occurred. "It just flooded down our property." Workers cleaned up the several inches of manure; the truck also spilled fuel and hydraulic fluid, but the fire department declared no immediate safety threat and said the water was safe to use. [WVIT, 6/27/2024]

New World Order

A two-person crew from DroneUp, a commercial drone services company that is partnering with Walmart in Florida, was demonstrating the delivery service on June 26 in The Overlook at Lake Louisa in Lake County, Florida, when they heard a loud pop, ClickOrlando reported. They believed what they heard was a gunshot, so the crew and the drone high-tailed it back to Walmart, where deputies met them. The drone had a bullet hole in its payload area; officers returned to the neighborhood, where they discovered 72-year-old Dennis Winn. Winn told them he had been working on his swimming pool pump when the drone flew over; he shot it with a 9mm handgun because he suspected drones had been surveilling him in the past. As he was arrested, he shouted to a neighbor that he was being taken into custody for shooting a drone. Winn faces multiple charges; the drone sustained about $2,500 in damage. [ClickOrlando, 6/27/2024]

Crime Report

Outside the Holy Family Roman Catholic Church in Queens, New York, on June 30, surveillance video captured an SUV taxi driving up, parking and disgorging the driver around 5:30 a.m., the New York Post reported. The man was then seen removing a shoe and using it to batter statues of Mary and Joseph, which were unharmed, before turning his footwear on a child Jesus statue and decapitating it. The vandal returned to his car, shoe in hand, and drove away. Father Sean Suckiel said the statue, which "holds special meaning to many in our parish," had stood at the church for 42 years, and repairing it will cost $20,000. [NY Post, 7/1/2024]

Democracy in Action

The 8th House District in Eugene, Oregon, held a primary election in late June, with two contenders, Lisa Fragala and Doyle Canning, receiving the same number of votes (seven), the Oregon Capital Chronicle reported. Both are Democrats, but since there was no Republican candidate in the race, one of them could have claimed the Republican nomination -- theoretically. State law requires that a tie be broken by a roll of the dice or a coin toss, so the deputy election director, Luke Belant, prepared to flip the coin. Canning won the toss, but strangely, she is ineligible under the state's "sore-loser law"; because she lost the Democratic primary, she was unable to accept the nomination of any other party. Therefore, Fragala will be the only person on the ballot in November unless the Republican Party chooses a candidate. "The lesson here for any political party is to field a candidate," Canning said. [Oregon Capital Chronicle, 6/27/2024]

Compelling Explanation

Dontcha hate it when you throw your husband a party and he's just not grateful enough? Kinda makes you want to poison him -- or at least that's how 47-year-old Michelle Peters of Lebanon, Missouri, reacted, according to The Kansas City Star. On June 24, Peters was held for questioning by the Laclede County Sheriff's Office after her husband notified police that he became "afraid for his life" after noticing that the Mountain Dew in the garage fridge "tasted weird" and he started experiencing sore throat, vomiting and "coughing up brown/yellow thick mucus," authorities said. He looked at video footage from his garage and saw his wife take the soda bottle and a Roundup bottle into the house. Peters initially told officers that she mixed the liquids "to use as a weed killer that she saw on Pinterest," but eventually confessed, saying she "was mad ... because she had thrown him a 50th birthday and he was not appreciative," police said. She was charged with first-degree assault and armed criminal action. [KC Star, 6/26/2024]

But Was It Unhappy?

In the apparent first case of robotic suicide, an administrative officer robot at Gumi City Council in South Korea threw itself down a 6 1/2-foot-long flight of steps, France24 reported on June 26. Witnesses saw the robot, which could travel between floors on the elevator and had its own civil servant officer badge, "circling in one spot as if something was there" before the fall, but it wasn't clear what caused the mishap. "It was ... one of us," an official said. "It worked diligently." [France24, 6/26/2024]

Low Expectations

On July 29, Michael Patrick Fleming, 41, entered the Chase bank branch in Lady Lake, Florida, and handed the teller a withdrawal slip, The Smoking Gun reported. Fleming did not have an account at the bank and requested just 1 cent; he later told officers his plan was to get the penny, then "sit in the chair and wait for law enforcement." His goal was to be arrested -- and it worked. Fleming was charged with felony robbery and held on $5,000 bond. [The Smoking Gun, 7/3/2024]

Perhaps the stresses of HOA board membership just weigh heavily on some people. An unnamed 74-year-old woman in New Palestine, Indiana, is facing charges of criminal trespass, criminal mischief and public nudity after she was caught not once, but twice, defecating in broad daylight against the side of a neighbor's home, Fox59-TV reported. According to court documents, the homeowner was mowing his lawn on May 29 when he discovered a pile of human feces next to his air conditioning unit. His surveillance cameras had first caught the culprit on May 2, but after the second incident, he contacted police. The woman can clearly be seen in the video lowering her trousers and squatting to empty her bowels. She initially denied the act but admitted it once confronted with the evidence; she said she had nothing against the homeowner and simply had to go. She has stepped down from her position on the HOA board. [Fox59, 6/26/2024]

The Tech Revolution

At Crescent Regional Hospital near Dallas, Texas, patients are for the first time in the U.S. consulting with doctors via hologram, ABC News reported on June 26. The technology, designed by Dutch company Holoconnects, features a life-sized 3D image of the doctor in real time. Raji Kumar, the hospital's CEO, said the technology will reduce doctors' travel time between hospitals and clinics. "They can just hop into the studio to have the consult," she said. She hopes to expand the program to rural hospitals in the area. [ABC News, 6/26/2024]

The Continuing Crisis

Edward Kang, 20, is facing a long stretch without gaming after he allegedly assaulted a fellow online gamer on June 22, ABC News reported. Kang, who lives in New Jersey, flew from Newark to Jacksonville, Florida, on June 21, where he checked in to a hotel and purchased a hammer and flashlight at a hardware store. Late on June 22, he arrived at the victim's home in Fernandina Beach, entering the home through an unlocked door, "apparently to confront the victim," said Nassau County Sheriff Bill Leeper. When the victim got up from gaming to use the restroom, Kang allegedly attacked him with the hammer. The victim's stepfather heard the altercation and helped to wrestle Kang to the ground; officers said the victim sustained severe head wounds and they found "a significant amount of blood." Kang told deputies that the victim is a "bad person online." He was charged with attempted second-degree murder and armed burglary. [ABC News, 6/24/2024]

How Hot Is It?

It's so hot ... Abe Lincoln's legs are falling off. A 6-foot-tall wax replica of the sculpture of our 16th president inside the Lincoln Memorial is succumbing to the extreme temperatures in Washington, D.C., the Washington Post reported on June 24. The statue was placed on the campus of Garrison Elementary School in February with the idea of drawing attention to the Civil War and its aftermath. But as the heat dome settled over the capital, he started melting. "The idea was that the ambient temperature, unless it got to 140 degrees, wouldn't melt the sculpture," said artist Sandy Williams IV of Richmond, Virginia. But "even his poor legs are starting to come unglued," said Melissa Krull, 41, who lives nearby. Lincoln's head lolled so far backward that the nonprofit that commissioned the work removed it, with plans to restore it to its perch when temps moderated. [Washington Post, 6/24/2024]

Least Competent Criminal

Kelsey Lynn Schnetzler, 34, of Salisbury, Missouri, was charged with stealing thousands of dollars' worth of lottery tickets from her employer, Casey's General Store, KTVO-TV reported. Schnetzler's home-court MO may have been what got her nicked: Every evening during her shift, she told police, she would put a cup over the camera in the store and unlock the safe where the tickets were stored. Her burglaries took place between October 2023 and March 2024; the 36 lottery books she stole were valued at $24,000. She cashed winning tickets in at Casey's and other locations. She was charged with felony stealing. [KTVO, 6/20/2024]

Pay No Attention to the Body in the Backseat

On the morning of June 22, after Margot Lewis, 32, of North Liberty, Iowa, crashed her car in Olmsted County, Minnesota, police arrived at the scene, the Des Moines Register reported. There they discovered the dead body of 35-year-old Liara Tsai of Minneapolis in the back seat. Tsai was "wrapped in a bedsheet, a blanket, a futon-style mattress and a tarp," court documents said. Police said Tsai also had a "large wound on the right side of the neck around the carotid artery." The medical examiner determined that Tsai's injuries were not related to the motor vehicle accident. Lewis was arrested for interference with a dead body; her unconditional bond was set at $1 million. [Des Moines Register, 6/26/2024]

Ewwwwwwwww!

The CBC reported on June 18 that conditions at Her Majesty's Penitentiary in St. John's, Newfoundland and Labrador, have deteriorated so drastically that inmates are literally sharing cells -- and more -- with rats. Inmate Devon Fitzpatrick told an interviewer that he woke up one morning to the feeling of something moving in the crotch of his pants; when he reached down, he found a rat had given birth there. "Stuff like that happens on a regular basis," he said of the Victorian-era facility. "They climb on the tables, they climb up the pipes and the wires. They're everywhere." He said he's been bitten about 20 times. Fitzpatrick also described other dehumanizing conditions at the prison; the government has said it's working with a company to build a new prison, but no improvements have been made in the meantime. [CBC, 6/18/2024]

Redneck Chronicles

At the Walmart in Eunice, Louisiana, police were called around 3:30 p.m. on June 22 about a group of women who were fighting, KADN-TV reported. They arrested Brionka Benjamin, 38, and her niece, Makatelynn Benjamin, 20, for simple battery, but Brionka got an additional charge: When the fight began, police discovered on surveillance video, she allegedly tossed her baby into a trash can near the entrance to the store so her hands would be free to slug another woman. She was charged with cruelty to juveniles; the baby was unharmed and released to relatives. [KADN, 6/24/2024]

It's Good To Have a Hobby (Horse)

Some 260 riders from 22 countries showed up to the 11th annual Finnish Hobby Horse Championships in Seinajoki, Finland, on June 15, AFP reported. We could stop right there, but why would we? Hobby horsing involves people riding stick horses through a series of jumps, intricate dressage moves and Western riding events. While hobby horsing is not recognized as an official sport in Finland, participants take it seriously. "We have faced so much bullying and judgment," rider Nara Arlin, 24, said. Even so, the sport "is growing every year," said Julia Mikkonen, chair of the Finnish hobby horse association. She notes the athleticism involved in some of the events: "If you jump over obstacles, your hip mobility has to be absolutely insane," she said. She estimates there are about 10,000 hobby horsers worldwide. [AFP, 6/26/2024]

Awesome!

Fans of 1960s kitschy TV show "Batman" will not be surprised to learn that trusty sidekick Robin (also known as Burt Ward) has received the President's Lifetime Achievement Award for rescuing more than 15,000 pets. WTOP-TV reported on June 26 that at the same ceremony, Ward and his wife received the United Nations Association of the United States of America Humanitarian Award for their work saving 45 different breeds of dogs. The former Boy Wonder said he and his wife "want to leave this planet better off than when we found it." (We must have missed the episode when Robin found Earth.) [WTOP, 6/26/2024]