Q: In the five years I've been out of college, I've seen many of my peers already getting everything they want: great jobs, nice homes, travel, etc. But I can't help but notice that they still seem unhappy. I guess I want to take things slower -- is that weird?

Jim: Everywhere we look, we're surrounded by the danger signs of a world moving WAY too fast. From fast food to microwaves, mobile phones to on-demand streaming, we've become accustomed to easy and immediate results. The pressure to produce more in less time is constantly increasing. In the process, the ingredients we need to live well-rounded lives are being stripped away. That creates two big problems.

The first is a widespread attitude of entitlement and impatience. People want what they want, and they want it right now. We've forgotten that authentic success can't be rushed -- it generally takes hard work over a long period of time. But when people lose sight of this truth, they take problematic shortcuts to achieve maximum results with minimal effort. Think about athletes caught in doping scandals, or individuals hoping to lose weight without exercising or eating right. The list is endless.

A second problem with instant gratification is that it actually undermines and weakens character. Building success slowly gives us a chance to develop as people. And as our character is strengthened, so is our ability to handle success. Far too many people have raced to the top, only to lose it all ... because they lacked the character to handle the responsibility their success necessitated.

The faster our world moves, the more diligent we must be to pursue not only success, but character as well. As one writer expressed it: "We all want to be, but few of us are willing to become."

So, I don't think you're "weird" -- I think you're wise.

Q: My school-aged son has issues paying attention. How do I know whether he has ADHD? And even if he doesn't, how can I help him?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Inattentiveness isn't unusual in school-aged kids. However, formally diagnosing attention issues requires an extensive evaluation by a qualified professional -- including assessing your child's ability to function well at home, school and other settings.

In general, though, many things can contribute to a child's struggles to pay attention. Your son might be under-focused -- or he may be over-focused. Either scenario will require your understanding, patience and guidance.

If your son tends to be nervous or has difficulty letting certain thoughts go, he likely needs help unclogging his mental traffic jam. Patiently guide him in exploring what triggers his anxious thoughts. Help him learn to understand and respond properly to these thoughts as they show up throughout the day.

One strategy is to help him notice what he is trying to avoid -- and why. Ask him what he sees and what he thinks might happen. Then steer him toward other ways of viewing the same scenario. Set goals and moments of celebration for him as he sorts his mental traffic jam and gets traffic flowing so he can pay attention to other thoughts.

You might find that your son seems to jump from one thought to another -- as if his mind is chasing multiple shiny things at once -- but simply can't refocus his brain no matter how hard he tries. This could possibly be a sign of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (inattentive type). Contact your son's pediatrician or a child counselor, licensed clinical social worker or psychologist to consider a formal evaluation and plan.

There are many helpful strategies to help your son learn to direct and manage his attention as he matures. To explore more, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: I'm beginning to progress somewhat in my career, and I'm interested in what various people think about leadership. I hear a fair bit along the lines of "everybody should strive to be a leader." Do you have any thoughts on the subject?

Jim: In my opinion, the greatest leader who ever lived had some revolutionary things to say on the subject. His words were paradigm-shifting 2,000 years ago, and they still have some pretty radical implications for our contemporary concept of leadership.

One of the most pivotal ideas was -- and is -- that whoever wants to be truly great must become a servant. I'd submit that if you study other great leaders, such as George Washington and Martin Luther King Jr., you might conclude that the reluctant leader is probably the best candidate for the job. Put another way, the person best suited to exercise authority is likely the one who wants it least.

I'd suggest two reasons why. The first is humility. The reluctant leader is a good leader because he or she acknowledges their weakness and inadequacy. These individuals pray for wisdom and surround themselves with people who compensate for their own deficiencies. On the other hand, the arrogant leader can easily fall prey to carelessness and bring disaster on those they're supposed to guide.

The second reason is more subtle. A true leader understands the personal demands and self-sacrifice required of genuine leadership. They realize that lonely days and sleepless nights -- not perks and privileges -- are part of the package of shepherding others.

So, the bottom line in my view: Don't seek leadership for its own sake. Rather, look to serve wherever you may be. If God should put you in a position of leadership, exercise it with an attitude of humility and accountability. Put other people's best interests ahead of your own.

Q: My wife and I have our occasional "issues," but we get along a lot better than most couples we know. A little bit of conflict is normal in marriage, right?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Yes, but ... let me answer with a question and an analogy. What would you do if you saw a crack developing in a wall of your house? Would you ignore it? Cover it with paint? Or would you find the source of the problem and fix it?

In 1995, employees at a five-story department store in South Korea noticed a crack in one of the building's support columns. Engineers quickly issued warnings, but the store's owner refused to close for repairs. While he insisted it was a minor problem, the crack was actually a symptom of a much larger structural failure. Just a few hours later, the entire building collapsed -- killing more than 500 people.

Similar catastrophes occur within marriages every day. Couples notice cracks in their relationships but often choose to ignore them. Maybe a problem seems small and insignificant; why invest the emotional energy of discussing it, perhaps for nothing? What these couples fail to recognize is the crack may be the first sign of a larger issue developing within the relationship. If we ignore those problems, the structure of the marriage could weaken over time and eventually come crashing to the ground.

So, if you want a healthy marriage, identify the cracks in your relationship and address the larger problems hiding there. Strengthen your marriage by repairing small problems before they become large ones.

To jump-start this process, our organization has resources to help you identify the strengths of your relationship as well as weak spots. And we have plenty of tools to help you fix the cracks. Start at FocusOnTheFamily.com/TheMarriageAssessment.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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Q: Our son's new girlfriend seems taken aback by how much our family enjoys teasing and poking fun at each other. We've never thought about it, we just bust each other's chops. But do you think there might be a problem?

Jim: Your family's humor dynamics sound a lot like my household -- but honestly, that's not for everyone. It all depends on your distinctive family "culture."

Since you're all interconnected in ways unlike any other group of people, your family knows things about one another that nobody else does -- and likely takes certain things for granted. Simply put, you have a common language. If it's understood that teasing is part of that, you probably can't fully eliminate it ... but it still has to be controlled.

Two important factors to consider are tone and motive. Are the jokes and stories designed to embarrass or hurt someone? Or are they meant to express appreciation and affection? The real litmus test should be the reaction of the one who's getting "roasted" -- and whether or not they think it's funny.

This really boils down to two basic principles. First: Never sacrifice respect for humor. There are some jokes that demean ... but other jokes that can preserve family members' self-esteem. Make sure everyone understands the difference.

Second: Whatever happens, ensure that every person in your household always feels that family is a safe place. If humor comes across as threatening, communication will cease -- with all kinds of negative fallout. If this happens, Mom and Dad need to dig deeper and find out what else is going on. There's an old saying that "many a truth is spoken in jest." But when teasing becomes a way to rub salt into open wounds, it's time for everyone to put all joking aside and respectfully air genuine grievances in open and honest dialogue.

Q: My son and his girlfriend just broke up. He seems sad and withdrawn and says he doesn't want to talk about it. How can I support him through this painful time?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Breaking up is hard! And for your teen, the emotional intensity of losing the attention and approval of a girlfriend can feel crushing.

Though we may feel helpless as parents watching our kids wade through heartache, there's actually a lot we can do. Here are five simple ways you can help:

1. Be available and respectful -- but never dismissive -- of what he is experiencing and feeling. When your teen feels securely connected at home, he will deal with adversity better. Let him know, verbally and non-verbally, that you are glad to be with him no matter what he's going through.

2. Encourage your son to grieve. Acknowledge his loss -- paying attention to and validating his feelings when he expresses them. Especially for young men, identifying emotions like sadness, anger, shame, embarrassment and despair is tough.

3. Listen. Let your teen vent his feelings without offering advice, solutions or correction. At this age, kids tend to be self-conscious and self-critical. So, if your son shares something that lacks perspective, ask a follow-up question such as, "Do you believe that about yourself?" "How can I help?" or "Can I give you a hug?"

4. Demonstrate your steadfast love and support during this emotionally vulnerable time by spending time doing things you enjoy together. Set aside extra time with him to play his favorite sport, watch a movie, or grab a coffee or dinner and talk.

5. Invite conversation with questions like, "How's your heart doing right now?" or "How are you holding up?"

And remember: As his parent, you are the most important human influence in your teen's life. For additional parenting insights, visit FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

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