I've applied for many things -- jobs, fellowships, grants -- and waiting for a response is an agonizing, but normal, part of the process.
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The wait for our son's college admission decisions, however, has turned out to be the longest and most frustrating one I've experienced. Now that the final decisions are less than a week away, I've been thinking about why it's been such a difficult period of time.
First of all, our son went into the college application process with very few strong preferences. This was the opposite of our daughter, who had a very clear idea of what she wanted to study and the type of school and setting she wanted. Keeping your options open means the process will take longer.
Secondly, our son didn't apply "early decision," in which students make a binding commitment to one school, submit their applications by November and receive answers in mid-December. That would have been a mercifully quick turnaround, but he made this call because financial aid will play a significant role in his decision, and also because he is still considering several schools.
This means that, even though our kid completed and submitted his applications in November, he won't hear back until April 1 from a few of these universities. Some of the decisions have trickled in already, but he will have to wait the full five months before he has all the information he needs to weigh his options.
I advised him to focus on enjoying the rest of his senior year as soon as he hit "submit" on his applications. He didn't have any control over the rest of the process, I reminded him; there was nothing to be gained from obsessing over any of it.
Put it out of your mind, I said.
Too bad I didn't take that great advice myself.
From a parent's perspective, my husband and I know that we will be making a substantial financial investment in the near future, but every aspect of the decision is out of our control. In the midst of so many unknowns, it feels like the weight of our child's future is hanging in the balance.
After 18 years of raising a kid, it's an abrupt shift -- letting go of the biggest decision of their life thus far. Accepting that you can't control whether your child gets into a particular college or receives any financial aid is a step toward accepting the upcoming greater loss of influence over their day-to-day life.
I was unprepared for how much pressure some colleges put on students for a commitment before they even know all their options. For example, an out-of-state public university begins its housing process, which requires an acceptance of the admissions offer and a deposit, in mid-March. That's before many other schools have sent their decisions. If a student waits until April to commit, will he or she miss out on campus housing? It's a risk, and no one can answer the question for sure.
The same university opens its orientation dates, which include registration for classes, in late March -- well before the alleged May 1 deadline to submit a deposit.
Selective colleges and universities are reporting another year of record-breaking applications, which means ever-lower admit rates. It's almost as if the process is designed to create confusion, anxiety and stress.
But now that decision day is looming closer, I've finally reached a place of zen. All the things I've been saying to my son all along are starting to sink into my own head: He has several good options already. He will succeed wherever he works hard and stays focused. He can have a great college experience in many different places. It's not where he goes, but what he makes of it.
Too bad it took me five months to get here.