DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I’m 26 years old and have barely any experience with women, I’ve had about 5 or 6 dates total and slept with one woman, though I felt forced into that and found out that I don’t enjoy casual sex as in sex just for the sake of a release. For me I have to know them at least a little and have intimacy to be enjoyable. I also rarely ever went out unless it was with friends, who describe me as witty and funny.

I’m currently in therapy and I have started exercising more, with my favourite activity been indoor wall climbing as well as meditating every night. I wouldn’t say I have trouble making friends as a lot of people at work do come up to me to talk even when I just walk in, and I make friends while wall climbing and we get along like we have been friends for years. I’ve also started going out more on my own to stuff like gigs and just out in general, even though it feels really uncomfortable.

I however can’t say I have the same experience with women. I have never been in a relationship and I don’t notice when a woman is interested, even after trying to learn the different signs, I’m really bad at reading body language. I only know of one time a woman was actively interested in me and that was after a gig last year when she sat next to me and introduced herself and we got talking, though it took me a year to realise this and I completely missed the opportunity and bottled it.

I’m currently taking a break from dating apps, as they are quite bad, though I did somehow get more matches than my friends on there, I think I was around 270 matches after a couple of years of been on it on and off, but I could never get a date, even with the ones that were interested and we seemed to click. I also don’t approach women in person because again I never notice anyone that would actually be interested. Though my friends don’t have any trouble getting dates and into relationships and seem to have the utmost confidence that I can do it and keep pushing me forward.

How am I supposed to accept myself and feel like I’m attractive when I’m clearly not, even when I do come across the 1 in a million who is interested I just end up bottling that anyway, I do even ask them out directly once we have built rapport but I get a maybe answer at best. I feel like giving up as clearly I’m not cut out for this at all.

Regards

Champion Of Bottling It

DEAR CHAMPION OF BOTTLING IT: I’ve been doing a horror movie marathon lately, so I’ve got creature features on the brain lately, COBI. Which is appropriate because there’s a story that’s relevant to your situation.

A movie came out in 1982 with a storied director who had already redefined the horror genre, and was stuffed with an absolutely astounding cast. It was unique and atmospheric, incredibly tense, full of powerful scares that have never been replicated, masterfully directed, wonderfully acted and featured ground-breaking, genre-defining practical effects by one of the universally acclaimed masters of the craft and an ending all but guaranteed to keep audiences talking about what it all meant.

It sank like a f--king rock at the box office.

It was pilloried by critics, who called it “the quintessential movie for morons” and “instant junk”. Even Rodger Ebert – someone who had an eye for genre films that other critics disdained – said that it was underwhelming and the characters were just stereotypes there to pad out the body count. The box office failure nearly destroyed the director’s career and the careers of everyone involved with the movie. Universal was so upset at the failure that they chose to buy out the director’s three-picture deal rather than have him continue to work for them. 

But while the movie failed at the box office, it quickly became a darling of home video and cable and was a (forgive me) monster hit. Ten years later, critics had revised their opinion, calling it a masterpiece and a pinnacle of the genre. Since then, John Carpenter’s The Thing has been hailed not just as one of the best movies of 1982, but as one of the best science fiction and horror movies of all time.

And to be clear: this wasn’t because someone found a rare cut that changed the story. It wasn’t re-edited, reshot or changed in any way.  It was always an amazing movie and one that has had a profound influence on filmmakers and the film industry in general… even though people at the time didn’t see it that way. 

Why do I bring this up? Because it’s an example of how people can be completely goddamn wrong . And they can be wrong for no real reason other than vague expectations and comparisons to things that were night-and-day different from what it was. 

It was always a great movie, despite its lack of box office success. We can argue about whether it was sunk by word of mouth, whether it was bad timing or if critics simply got it wrong, but the fact remains that it was and had always been one of the masterpieces of the genre and a stunning display of talent and craft, no matter what people thought at the time.

So let me drag this tortured metaphor into relevance for a moment. One of the frequent arguments I field from folks who – like you – insist that its absurd to think you’re desirable or wanted when other people seemingly disagree. After all, if you’re not up to your eyeballs in ass, how could you say that you’re a hot piece of meat?

Well, for a number of reasons, not the least of which being that people can and frequently are wrong… and that includes the person judging themselves. One of the issues here is that you’re assuming a lot of facts that aren’t in evidence and not picking up that maybe you’re wrong about those facts. 

I mean, have you actually read the letter you sent me? You say that it’s objectively the case that nobody is attracted to you after two paragraphs where you mention that a) you have people who come up and talk to you regularly, b) make friends fairly easily, c) you aren’t good at telling when people are attracted to you and d) there have been multiple instances of people who were. Such as, say, the two hundred and seventy matches you’ve had on dating apps. You also mention that you rarely go out, don’t talk to women you’re interested in and rarely ask out the ones you do talk to.

So to recap: you’re not good at picking up on signals, you’re unaware of when people are into you despite it having happened on multiple occasions, you don’t go out and meet people very often and when you do you don’t talk to them or ask them out because you don’t believe they could possibly be into you.

Have you considered that maybe you’re not the best judge of whether or not you’re actually attractive to others? 

Now while some of this is a matter of things being uncomfortable simply because you’re unfamiliar and unused to going out on your own, it’s pretty clear to me that this is very much a case of “the call is coming from inside the house”.

Part of the problem is that yes, you aren’t great at picking up signals from others. This is in part a skill and experience issue and it’s something that you have to level up through practice, risking rejection and putting yourself out there. As with any skill, you improve it by putting it to deliberate use. Part of how we go from being uncomfortable with a situation to totally at ease is through repetition and experience. When you don’t know what to expect or have never experienced something before, it’s natural to be a little tense and unsure. Exposure and repetition is part of how we learn to get used to something. Go out on your own with an aim to have a good time enough times and it becomes something you’re familiar with. Get used to talking to folks and it quits being intimidating because you’ve done it so many times. Simple enough.

But like I said: that’s only part of the problem. The other part of the problem, and the much bigger one, is that you don’t believe in your own attractiveness, which means that even if the signals were there, you wouldn’t believe them. You’ve created a negative feedback loop out of confirmation bias – the cognitive bias that causes you to notice things that reaffirm what you already believe and discount what goes against those beliefs. So when someone, say, chats you up at a concert or goes out of her way to talk to you at a bookstore or when you’re at the climbing gym, you’re already primed to miss, ignore or rationalize away signs of interest, while playing up signs of disinterest. Sure, she made a point of coming over, complimenting you, getting in your personal space and laughing way, way too hard at your jokes… but that could be anything. No point in taking that seriously because who could possibly be interested in you?

You’ve created circumstances where the only way you’re going to believe that someone is genuinely into you is if they move heaven and earth to demonstrate it – something that most people aren’t going to do because, frankly, your behavior actively discourages it. You can’t rely on folks to push through your seeming lack of interest or wait for someone to hit you with the clue-by-four to ensure that you realize that they want to go on a date with you. Even someone who is madly in love will give up eventually when they get nothing from the other person. And it’s going to be hard to get a date with that supposed one-in-a-million when your general attitude seems to be “it’s ok if you don’t to go out with me; I wouldn’t go out with me either.” You wouldn’t want to date someone with that attitude, so why would anyone else?

This is why I tell people that if you want to stop feeling unwanted, the first thing you have to do is change how you see yourself. You have to be willing to believe in yourself before other people will, because without that base belief, you won’t be able to accept it from others. If you want people to start realizing that you’re the hottest thing since World War III, you have to start by treating yourself that way. You need to be your own best friend and number one hype man, because otherwise you won’t be willing or able to accept that other people might feel that way too. And I know you already know this because you have your close friends telling you this and you still don’t believe them. Your brain is rationalizing it as “they would say that because they’re my friends”, rather than accepting that maybe they’re telling you the truth. But since you don’t believe it, you can’t accept it from them.

So here’s your homework: you need to start treating yourself like the hot piece of ass you are. Even if it feels weird, uncomfortable, cringe or fake. I want you to start choosing to dress in clothes that fit well – ones that you feel like you “can’t” wear or that “aren’t you” – in the style that you think only cool or desirable people wear. These are clothes that you would wear if you felt like you were a sexy badass, and you’re going to start wearing them now. Not just when you’re “going out”, but in your daily life too. You don’t need to be a fashion plate and always up on the latest trends, but you should still feel like you’re hot even when you’re dressed to go to work, going to the gym or generally being a bum around the house. You’re training your brain to accept that you can feel like you’re hot by behaving like you were already.

Similarly, I want you to look in the mirror each day, after you’ve showered, gotten dressed and ready for the day, and verbally acknowledge three things about you that you like or look good. This needs to be different things each day, so no just repeating things or getting lazy; you want to take the time to genuinely look yourself over and say “Jean-Claude van DAMN I look nice.” Maybe your hair is especially on point that day or the shirt really brings out your eyes. Maybe the weather’s changed enough that you can wear that awesome jacket you love as a statement piece or you’ve put together an especially snazzy outfit that day.

And the last part of your homework is that I want you to start behaving and believing that the people you’re talking to – whether it’s a co-worker, the barista making your latte or the sexy someone asking if you could belay her at the climbing wall – already like you, because of course they would. You don’t need to act like they’re all about to vault onto your particular pole or beg for you to come wiz zem to ze Casbah, just that they already think you’re a cool person. This alone is like a Jedi mind trick and one that will massively change how people respond to you. I know it sounds like woo-woo feel good bulls--t, but it works. Your choosing to believe that people already like you causes you to behave differently; you’re friendlier and more open, exuding warmth to others and you’re more likely to see their behavior in a positive and affirming light. That encourages them to respond accordingly, because you’re making them feel good and inviting them to match your energy. This is a pure, self-induced feedback loop – your belief changes your behavior, your behavior changes their behavior, their behavior reaffirms your belief.

It’s pure fake-it-till-you-make-it, but it causes you to make it because you’re putting it all into practice until it becomes a habit. Because yes, how you see yourself is a habit. How you choose to think about yourself and relate to others is a habit. You are in the habit of believing the worst about yourself. Now it’s time to get in the habit of believing the best about yourself. After all, if confirmation bias is going to reaffirm what you already believe, you may as well believe things that help you.

But – I hear you cry – how could I believe it if other people clearly don’t agree? Well, then I would remind you of the story of The Thing… just because other people don’t believe something doesn’t mean that they’re right. So the first and most important voice you should be listening to is your own, especially when others disagree.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I just moved to a country different from my home country, and I met a Scandinavian guy. During the first few days of talking to him, I always had the feeling that he had no interest in talking to me, even if he was the one initiating the conversations. He’s quite a jokester, but when we talked, I would say something to him, he would reply jokingly, and then turn away. Or if he talked to me, as soon as I started to reply, he would already be turning away, so to me, this came off as very rude.

I thought it was because he didn’t find me attractive, and that’s why he wasn’t showing interest in talking to me. I didn’t think much of it because I know some guys are like that. Until one day, I found him on Tinder, we matched, and he messaged me. He was nice but nothing special. However, in person, the next three days, he wouldn’t talk to me at all, so I was really confused. I mentioned that I felt like he was ignoring me, and he told me it wasn’t his intention and asked me to forgive him. Later, I told him that I found him attractive and what I was looking on Tinder, but if he only wanted us to be friends, that was fine, and if he wanted something else, that was fine too. He responded by saying he didn’t know what he wanted, and that it could be dangerous to get involved because we’re neighbors, I told him I understood. That same day, I found out he was hooking up with my neighbor.

The worst part is that I found out because we were playing a question game, and she hinted at it. However, when it was his turn, he didn’t make any reference to hooking up with anyone in the neighborhood. Personally, I don’t really care what he does with his sex life, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t just tell me the truth. Right now, I’m even doubting whether he feels any attraction toward me. I’d like to have a bit of clarity about his way of operating.

Because is not the first time that someone makes like a maybe I am interested kind of move and then they chicken out so I would to know if this is something common or just a lot of coincidence.

Is It Just Me Or…?

DEAR IS IT JUST ME OR…: I’m going to skip to the end and say that I don’t think he was really that into you in the first place. It sounds a lot like you were reading more into this than was ever actually there.

If this is the sort of thing that happens often – and you suggest it’s happened at least a few times before – then it may be worth considering that you’re misreading things or rounding friendliness or politeness up to attraction. The thing that sticks out at me is that you say that they make a “maybe I am interested” kind of move. The key word here is ”maybe”, implying that there’s a lot of room for interpretation and there’s a certain amount of wishful thinking filling in the gaps. That’s a pretty good way to end up with similar situations like the way you keep running into guys who seem to be into you but then are banging other people instead.

So part of what you may want is to work on recalibrating yourself when it comes to signs of interest or flirting. You may want to consider what sociologists call “the rule of four” – that rather than focusing on any one sign of interest, you should look for multiple indicators that are all happening either simultaneously or in close succession. It’s very rare that someone is giving off only one sign of attraction or interest; most of the time, there are several signs happening all at once. If you don’t have a lot of context for that individual’s personality, it can be hard to tell if, for example, they’re being joking and silly with you because they’re flirting or because that’s just how they are. But joking around and being silly mixed with proximity, mixed with more eye contact than seems normal or jokes that seem different and hint more at something between the two of you than they make with other people, that’s often a good indication that they kinda dig you.

You might also want to make a move sooner rather than later, if you think they might be into you. Sometimes the issue is that they were flirting but you took so long to get reciprocal that they assumed you weren’t interested and moved on.

Now in the specific case of your neighbor … while I suspect there’re at least some cultural differences, I honestly don’t really see much in here that would suggest interest. If anything, I think he was pretty clear that he wasn’t interested.

His turning away after making a joke – or while you were speaking – certainly suggests that he wasn’t really flirting. And while I could understand how matching with him on Tinder might make things confusing, I suspect that this was more of a “huh, hey, someone I know showed up in my feed, isn’t that wacky” sort of response than being interested. Especially since that never actually led anywhere. One of the cultural cliches about Scandinavian dating culture is that folks tend to be pretty direct about being interested (sexually, anyway; they’re often more reserved about displays of affection and romantic interest), so I suspect that if he was interested, you’d know.

The rest honestly sounds like it was just politely turning you down. “I don’t want to make things complicated by dating a neighbor” sure sounds like a soft “no” to me, especially seeing as he turned out to be banging someone else in the neighborhood. And as for why he didn’t tell you this himself? Well to be perfectly frank, it wasn’t really any of your business. He doesn’t owe you an accounting of who he’s f--king any more than you would owe him one if he asked you out while you were having something casual with someone else.

The thing is, when we give a soft “no”, it’s not a binding contract or something that you can throw out there as a ‘gotcha’, as though proving that it wasn’t true means they’re now obligated to date us. If we can recognize that “I’m just not looking for a relationship” comes with an unspoken “…with you”, I think we can also recognize that “Dating a neighbor would be too complicated” really translates to “I’m not interested in you, but I don’t want to be rude about it, so here’s a plausible reason to refuse that lets you save face.”

So TL;DR: I think this guy was never into you in the first place and you misread the vibe. If this is a frequent thing, then you may need to recalibrate yourself and look for stronger and more obvious signs rather than taking “maybe” for a yes. Failing that: make a definitive move yourself early on… but then take that polite refusal as a refusal. If it really is circumstantial, he knows where to find you when circumstances change.

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com

DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now and I absolutely love it ! You provide a lot of advice and a lot of food for thought, sometimes brutally honest, sometimes challenging but always on point and relevant.

I’m writing you today for an unconventional question, I think it’s a topic that has never been treated here. So here I go. I am a woman in her late 20s. Due to difficult social experiences growing up, I have been a social outcast for most of my school days and during my 2 first years of college, I never got to develop a healthy confidence and self-esteem. I am now an adult, with an education, in a long-term relationship, some hobbies, passions, goals. I also try to exercise several times a week and maintain a social life, despite being “socially challenged”. I’m also in therapy, which helps me a lot. That being said, I still encounter some resistance to change and have recurrent struggles in my professional life and in some of my interpersonal relationships.

As an anxious person, I often need a lot of reassurance and need to find “answers” to my numerous existential questions. On several occasions, I came to the conclusion that not being “conventionally attractive” might be the source of many, if not all, my struggles. I sometimes get jealous of beautiful women and imagine they probably don’t have any real nor serious issues in their life. I also tend to imagine they don’t struggle with stuff like feelings of inadequacy, rejection, difficulties socializing etc. I imagine their life to be a never ending bliss made of an amazing social life, everything being handed to them on a silver plate, no failure nor setbacks.

I also tend to compare myself to them and I often conclude I’m just not good enough and desperately falling short, even if I have stuff going on in my life.

I made some changes in my appearance, as I mentioned before I exercise frequently and I try to dress well. I even get complimented both by males and females. Despite this, it all seems that compared to a bombshell, I’m absolutely nothing.

So, how can I get past these feelings? How can I know if my appearance is really my main problem?

Anxious Mind Looking for Answers

DEAR ANXIOUS MIND LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: Alright AMLA, I could give you the usual song and dance about how this isn’t a rational conclusion because it’s coming from anxiety and anxiety is inherently irrational. It’s an attempt to protect you from things, but often in a way that feels worse than the thing you’re trying to avoid. I could tell you about how you can’t logic yourself out of a position you didn’t use logic to get into in the first place, or about how you could look at the so-called beautiful people and realize that their lives aren’t perfect and effortless either.

And yeah, we could go into talk about the Halo Effect and how that doesn’t really exist outside of labs, or how beauty privilege is a real thing but that doesn’t make people’s lives perfect, doesn’t insulate them from the bad s--t in the world and it’s certainly not something that would magically change your life.

(You think the bold and the beautiful never suffer f--ked up social lives? Look at how many feuds all the various models, YouTubers, singers and so on get into with their supposed “besties”. Gossip rags have entire verticals dedicated to who’s beefing with whom and why.)

Hell, I could even talk about how many incels who hold similar beliefs have sunk the equivalent of a new car into getting plastic surgery only to find out that it only made them angrier and more upset instead of changing their lives.

But again, I’m not sure how much it would actually help in this case because, as I said: this isn’t a position you came to through logic and careful examination. It’s a belief that ultimately comes down to how you feel about yourself and how that belief plays into your feeling that there must be a reason for this instead of, as the famed philosopher Didactyclos said, “Things just happen. What the hell.”

And since this belief comes from inside, rather than being a gimlet-eyed observer of the world and that means that the answer has to come from within, too.

So let me flip this around and ask you something: what sort of evidence would you accept and would help you change your mind? What level of proof would you require to say “ok, maybe it’s not like this at all?”

I’m not being rhetorical here. I want you to actually sit there and think about the answer to this for a moment. Not just the answer you think other people (myself included) want to hear, but what would actually change your mind and make you say “I think I’m wrong about this?”

Now, after you’ve thought about it for a second, I want you to imagine a friend of yours who’s in a similar situation as you: long-term relationship, an education and a job, a social life, hobbies and so on, but who also has struggles in her career and in her personal life. I want you to imagine that this person has come to you with the same complaints and same questions: is it because she’s not “good” enough? Isn’t it true that other people who are “better” just wouldn’t be having these problems?

What would you say to her in that moment? What sort of things would you point to that would reassure her that everyone struggles, that everyone has setbacks and nobody has a life so perfectly smooth and frictionless that they never actually deal with hardship or trouble?

The odds are good that you could point to a number of things that would prove or reinforce that point. I’m sure you’d have a number of examples that popped right off the top of your head as you read this.

Now compare the answers you would require for yourself over the answers you would give to a friend. How much more stringent or exacting level of proof would you need before you could allow yourself to believe different things as compared to what you would tell your friend. And while you’re asking that… why would you need a higher level of proof than you think other people would?

I mean, the obvious answer is because your anxiety is about you and perception is based around our expectations and feelings more than it is about objective reality and because we have a 24/7 feed of our own anxieties and thoughts going through our heads that make it feel like these only things that matter and how those feelings about ourselves bleed into all areas about our own lives. But it doesn’t feel that way in our heads. It’s gotta be more serious for us, right? Sure, other people have problems that look very similar – even almost the same – as us but ours have to be worse… right?

Well, sometimes the answer is you have to look at things as though you were looking at it from an outsider’s perspective, to separate yourself from your own thoughts and circumstances to get a better view. A view that isn’t immediately colored and filtered through the way that we feel. A view that isn’t based around how we know our own features so well that we immediately zoom in on what we perceive as our flaws and assume that because we are hyperaware of them that everyone must be.

Sometimes you need to get a little distance from yourself in order to actually know yourself. And sometimes we need to look at ourselves through the eyes of a stranger to shift what we think and what we see. And that gives us the first step in realizing how much of this is our brains f--king with us because of how we feel, rather than showing us what’s real.

Now, it certainly doesn’t help that social media encourages these sorts of thoughts because everyone is doing a kayfabe. The people you see on TikTok and Instagram who go on about their “perfect” lives are showing a carefully curated – and occasionally completely fake sliver of their existence. Not the whole thing. I mean, look at someone like Caroline Calloway who has been trying to live the life of the “beautiful people” you talk about and is pretty much just a hot mess of failed grifts, crippling debt and occasional outright delusion. Or some of the so-called “dating coaches” or “masculinity influencers” who were busted for hiring escorts to hang around them for photo and video shoots to ‘prove’ they were living the life they were selling to other people. Or even folks like Sydney Sweeney who – while being legitimately talented and conventionally gorgeous – also has to keep busier than a one-legged woman in an ass-kicking contest because turns out being a talented and beautiful actress doesn’t actually pay the bills and she’s a couple failed projects away from being in deep financial s--t… like pretty much the rest of us.  

So what I would suggest for you is a four-pronged approach to changing things. The first is, as I said: do your best to step outside of yourself and try to look at your situation the way you would look at your best friend if she came to you with the same issue. To separate yourself as best you can from your feelings and look at things from a different perspective.

The second would be to cut way the f--k back on the things that reinforce these feelings. Just as I tell the dudes with red-pill bulls--t burning through their self-esteem, quit going to the places that directly and indirectly reaffirm these feelings of inadequacy. Stop consuming content that “proves” to you that the “beautiful people” live frictionless lives. After all, if you’re eating food that burns a hole in your esophagus and makes you feel like you’re going to throw up for hours after you eat it, the best thing you can do is stop f--king eating it.

And the third thing would be to actively doubt your doubts. To challenge those thoughts when you feel them come on. But you want to do it the right way. You don’t to try to attack them logically; as I said, this isn’t about logic. You don’t want to try to pretend that you’re not feeling what you’re feeling; those feelings are real. You want to ask yourself a simple question: “what if I’m wrong about this?” That’s it. Plant the seed of doubt in your own mind: “what if I’m wrong about this and this feeling is based on incorrect information? What if I am completely incorrect here and things are different than they appear?” You just want that little hint of skepticism, that little irritant that scratches away at the back of your mind when you have these feelings, because that little irritant scratching away starts to undermine the entire structure of that belief.

And the fourth thing is perhaps the hardest. You should live as though you already believe that you’re actually as attractive as you wish you were. You want to conduct yourself as though you’ve achieved what you hope to achieve, regardless of the supposed reality on the ground. Does it feel fake? Well, fine. Do it anyway. Tell yourself it’s practice for when you get there. Or tell yourself that you’re a trickster goddess, pulling a fraud on the universe and upending the order of things because the order of things is bulls--t. When you feel fake or like you’re deluding yourself, push through and keep acting like it anyway, telling yourself that you’re going to get there anyway so you may as well get used to it now.

Because as it turns out, we’re actually very bad at lying. If we do something for long enough, behave as though it were true for long enough… well, it tends to be true to us. The saying “we become what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be” is true. But while Vonnegut wrote that as a warning, it also works as advice. If confirmation bias means that you’re going to see evidence all around you that proves what you believe, you may as well believe things that benefit you.

Does this seem like weird woo-woo bulls--t? That it’s completely illogical and irrational? Well, yes. But it’s also as illogical and irrational as how you’re already feeling, so what’s wrong with being illogical and irrational in ways that help, ways that make you feel better?

Sometimes it’s through telling ourselves the correct lies that we actually come to the truth. Or at the very least, pull away from the lies that hurt us and allow us to confront reality, instead of a twisted, funhouse mirror version.

So get that distance from yourself,  challenge those anxieties. Make the anxieties prove themselves instead of accepting them blindly and feeding them the slop that makes them grow. And then turn the power of your own mind to benefitting you instead. Even if it’s not “real” – or less real than what you already believe – it’ll still make you happier and make your life better.

And that matters a hell of a lot.   

Good luck.

Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com