DEAR NATALIE: My husband is a big holiday person. He is already getting the tree out of the attic and wants the whole family together for Thanksgiving. I am not comfortable having 25 people over this year, especially because a lot of his family leans right and some of them aren’t taking Covid-19 seriously at all. I tried to explain to him that this is not the year for a big gathering, and that we need to think about this sensibly. We got into a big argument and he told me that the holidays are actually more important than ever. How do I get him to understand the risks? We both have elderly parents (in their 80s) and I don’t want to put anyone in harm’s way. Thoughts? —NO THANKS

DEAR NO THANKS: I’m with you on this one. I know people are disappointed. But as a nation, we haven’t laid the groundwork all year to have a safe holiday season with one another. The rational and responsible thing to do is to keep our holiday gatherings small this year and Zoom with our loved ones, instead. I appreciate your husband wanting to cheer everyone up. No one is stopping him from decorating, playing holiday music or movies, or baking cookies to send to family and friends. But, gathering is the wrong move right now. If you look at data from other countries like Canada--who recently celebrated their Thanksgiving--the Covid-19 numbers spiked shortly thereafter. Share that information with him. Remind him of your elderly parents and his parents. Remind him that there is no vaccine available to the masses yet. Remind him that the numbers of Covid-19 are not just high, but spiraling out of control in the United States. Share your thoughts on alternatives that are safe and still inclusive. You can now play games via Zoom, too, so encourage everyone to join in on some virtual fun. He would feel absolutely terrible if this holiday gathering led to someone getting sick or worse. Until there is a safe and free vaccine available and the number of infections decline significantly because people start taking this seriously, our holidays won’t be the same. Put your foot down. This is about something bigger than ourselves. 

DEAR NATALIE: My family dynamics are complicated and I am particularly not looking forward to the holiday season this year. I really have no interest in seeing either of my parents. We don’t see eye to eye on anything and I don’t want tension. I also started seeing someone this past year and we are getting serious. She is really upset that I don’t want to introduce her to my parents over the holidays and is assuming it’s because she thinks that I’m not ready to commit. That’s not the case. In fact, I’m worried that if she meets them and sees how terrible they are, she won’t want to be with me. How can I convince her that skipping the holidays with my family is the best thing to do? —NO FAMILY TIME IS THE BEST TIME

DEAR NO FAMILY TIME IS THE BEST TIME: You need to just tell her what you told me. Just be completely honest, transparent and vulnerable with her about this. You don’t have to reveal all of the details of why you are estranged from your family, but tell her something so that she understands and empathizes with you. People seem to assume that everyone gets along with their parents--but not everyone does. Family dynamics can be incredibly tricky during the holiday season. You are allowed to take a break and this is the year to do it. No one should really be gathering this holiday season, as I said in the above question, so use that as a reason to sit this one out. In the meantime, take this opportunity to get to know your girlfriend better by sharing with her whatever you feel comfortable disclosing about your family. As an adult, you have the ability now to choose who you want to spend time with. You are no longer beholden to people who are hurtful or cause harm in any way. Give yourself the gift of peace this season. If your girlfriend is in tune with you, she then can be free to support you in the ways in which you need.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating this guy for about a year. Since Covid hit, things have been a challenge and so we moved in together three months ago. Things are going pretty well. My friends have all met him and never seemed to have an issue with him. But recently, one of my best girlfriends told me that she thinks he is a “manipulator”--among other things she called him--and that I shouldn’t be dating him. I don’t know where that came from. He was really friendly with her and never seemed to cause any issues. Do you think there is any merit to what she said? She recently broke up with her boyfriend and I am wondering if that had anything to do with her nasty comments? —UPSET WITH MY FRIEND

DEAR UPSET WITH MY FRIEND: This sounds like a lot more is happening with your friend under the surface. Maybe she is projecting her own frustrations about her breakup onto you. Maybe she really does feel this way about your boyfriend and--for whatever reason--waited until now to share her thoughts. Why are you worried about what she said? When you wrote: “Do you think there is any merit…” I wondered if you had any underlying doubts. Now that she has brought them to light, you are questioning yourself. If I were you, I would ask her to be more specific about her concerns. Actively listen and see if there are any red flags that you may have missed. If there are, reflect on them and ask yourself if they are relationship deal breakers. If not, let her know that you appreciate her thoughts but that you are content in your relationship. At the end of the day, you don’t have to prove your relationship to anyone. You don’t have to justify it. Just make sure that your partner treats you with respect and vice versa. Without respect, trust and love, it’s just a house built on sand. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating someone for about five years and he moved back home to take care of his elderly dad during Covid-19. We are now six hours apart (driving distance) and it is really taking its toll on our relationship. I have a stable job where I live, and I have no desire to move. He isn’t happy with moving away, either, but he feels that it is necessary right now. We haven’t seen each other in a month, and we have been trying to work out a schedule. It’s been hard just FaceTiming. I love him, but how can we possibly make this work, especially when he isn’t planning on returning home anytime soon. —DOOMED

DEAR DOOMED: How hard do you both want to fight for the relationship? People are in long distance romances all over the globe and make them work. Yes, logistically this is a challenge. But maybe you find ways to see each other once or twice a month. You could potentially meet halfway and stay at a hotel or rent an airBnB for a night or two. You can continue to FaceTime and text and call each other. If you work remotely, maybe you could stay with him and his dad one week a month if it is safe to do so. What your boyfriend is doing for his dad is really beautiful. He is sacrificing a lot to stay with him right now. He most likely needs your support. Not everyday is easy when you are with someone. But there is meaning here. There is an opportunity to strengthen and deepen your relationship. You just have to decide: What do you really want?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend of four years and I just broke up last week. It was a rough breakup but I was so unhappy that I needed to get out of the relationship. Since then, he has been going around to all of my friends and family and telling them lies about me and what caused our breakup. He’s saying I cheated on him, but really, I caught him DMing women on Instagram. That was the last straw. I am so angry with him for stooping so low, but I don’t know what to do to stop him. Should I confront him? — ANGRY EX DEAR ANGRY EX: Emotions run high after a breakup and my guess is that your boyfriend is embarrassed by his own behavior so he is projecting it onto you. He doesn’t want anyone to judge him by his actions and he’s decided to go on the attack. I’m assuming your friends and family know why you split up, so I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over this nonsense. If it is really bothering you, though, there is nothing wrong with telling him exactly how you feel. I would nip this in the bud before any of these lies take root. You could approach it a couple of ways. 1. You could scream at him, which probably won’t help in the long run--even if it temporarily makes you feel better. 2. You could honor the four years you were together and ask him to do the same by having a respectful dialogue about his recent behaviors. He is clearly holding on and needs to let go. The relationship is over. His choices made that decision for him. Make that clear. Tell him that the lying has to stop. He needs to take a seat and regroup. If he can’t do that, then you will be sure to tell everyone exactly what happened and let them know what a liar he really is. The ball is in his court. There are consequences to actions, and as much as some people would like to believe, you don’t just get to spew lies and not expect to be held accountable for them. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend recently proposed to me during my birthday Zoom with all of my family and friends. I think he thought it would be sweet, but I actually don't want to marry him and don't feel ready. I said "yes" in the moment because I was caught off guard and embarrassed. I don't like being the center of attention and he should know that after being with me for two years. In any case, I haven't been wearing the ring and he keeps asking why.  I told him because it's "too small" which isn't true. I don't want to ever marry. How do I tell him without causing him to break up with me? I still love him, I just don't want to be his husband. —NO MARRIAGE FOR ME

DEAR NO MARRIAGE FOR ME: “If it ain’t broke, don’t marry it,” was a joke I used to say when people would ask me when I was going to marry my now-husband. For a long time, I didn’t want to marry, he wasn’t ready, and so we just lived as bohemian lovers. And it was great. Being married is also great. For us. But, marriage is not for everyone. If you don’t want to marry him, you need to tell him. As awkward or uncomfortable as it might be, you have to be honest with him about how you feel. Explain to him that you were caught up in the moment--and caught off guard. But now, with time to have thought things through, you realize that marriage is just not for you. Share with him that you love him, that this isn’t about that. This is about your beliefs. Maybe down the road you will change your mind. Maybe you won’t. State your truth and see what happens. Hopefully, love wins for both of you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci