DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a weird love triangle. My ex and I broke up over the summer and his good friend asked me out a month ago. I really like his friend and we’ve been having fun. Well, as much fun as you can have during a pandemic. We recently slept together. It was good, and while we aren’t “exclusive” yet, I think we are heading in that direction. We told each other not to tell my ex about what happened. Why make him feel awkward? Well, my ex found out and he’s been blowing up my phone with “I want you back” texts. He had all summer to chase me. He had most of the fall to chase me. And now here we are, and suddenly he wants me back? He’s also mad at his friend for hooking up with me. But it wasn’t like we slept together the day after we broke up. It’s been months. He had his chance. There is a small part of me that misses him but I am not sure what to do. I like his friend and I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. Thoughts? —CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: This is so typical. You always want what you can’t have. Now that you are a free bird, your ex is jealous that you’ve moved on. Unless you are desperate to get back with him — and it doesn’t seem that you are — you don’t owe him anything. The issue really is between him and his friend at this point. Some people would say that he broke “bro code” by hooking up with the ex — but like you said — time had passed.  Your ex had months to talk to you about his feelings. The question your new guy has to ask himself is this: Does he think dating you is worth losing his friend? If he feels strongly about you, he may have to choose between you and his friendship with your ex. Relationships — of all kinds — can be messy. I would let your ex know that you didn’t mean to hurt him, but that you have to move on with your life. Suggest that he does the same.  

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have very different political views. We both work outside the home but he is definitely the breadwinner. Recently, I have been donating to political causes and relief funds. Since Texas was hit so hard by this winter weather, I sent a few local organizations some money to help. He saw it on our credit card and made a big deal out of it. It was only a few hundred dollars here and there. We can definitely afford it. He started saying nonsense about people needing to “fend for themselves.” We ended up in a big fight and aren’t speaking much. I just want to understand why my husband is so angry. He has such a beautiful life and I don’t know why he is against helping those in need. To me, being an American means helping one another when they need support. I don’t believe that “every man for himself” will get us out of any bad situation. How do I make peace with my husband? I love him so much but I want to be able to support the causes that I believe in. Any suggestions for how to bridge this gap between us? —DIVIDED WE FALL

DEAR DIVIDED WE FALL: One simple solution is to get your own credit card for donations. Use just the money that you earn to donate to these causes so that when your husband looks at your joint statements, he can’t give you any grief. The bigger issue is this: How can you respect each other’s positions and stay happily married? It appears that you have very different views of the world. Since everything has become politicized, it can be challenging to have that energy not seep into our homes and hearts. You both need to reconnect in a way that reminds you of why you first fell in love. Do activities together, like cooking or bike riding. Engage in something that gets you both out of your heads and into your bodies. Being respectful of one another is important when you disagree, but it is hard to respect someone who believes that people should “fend for themselves” in the middle of a natural disaster brought on by climate change. In order to keep the peace, you may have to agree to disagree and use your own money to support the causes you believe in.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I love my girlfriend and we’ve been living together for about a year. The only big issue in our relationship is that when she drinks, she becomes incredibly belligerent and verbally abusive towards me. Since the onset of COVID-19, her drinking has gotten worse. If I don’t text her back fast enough, for example, I’ll get pages of angry texts. I know that means she’s drinking. The next day she is totally remorseful and so I haven’t said much about it. But recently, she’s started acting nasty to me in front of our families. This is problematic because everyone is now telling me that she has a serious issue with alcohol. I don’t know if I should confront her or if everyone is just overreacting. I love her and I don’t want to upset her. Lately, I’ve turned down invitations to see friends because I don’t want to put her in a position where she might make a fool of herself. I worry, though, that this strategy isn’t sustainable. I want to spend my life with her and raise a family, but sometimes I’m afraid of her.  Any advice? —CONCERNED GIRLFRIEND

DEAR CONCERNED GIRLFRIEND: I would be concerned, too. Not only is your girlfriend causing you emotional distress, but now you are starting to withdraw from friends and family. Her behavior is not acceptable and unless you set up expectations and boundaries, I don’t see anything changing. There is clearly a cycle here. She drinks, verbally assaults you, apologizes, cycle repeats. I would ask yourself what would she do if you confronted her about her drinking and the nasty behaviors that follow? What if you said that you were concerned about her wellbeing? What if you told her you were worried that drinking is impacting her life and your relationship? Would she be able to give up drinking and see how that changes your dynamic? If she is unable to do so, what are some supports that you can recommend to her—and to yourself—so that she can break this vicious cycle? You may want to reach out to a therapist in your area that specializes in substance abuse and relationship dynamics. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can ask your primary care doctor if you have one. You can also find resources online that can help. Do not accept this behavior. You do not have to live like this and you shouldn’t. She may have to be confronted with the reality of losing you if she doesn’t work on helping herself. No one is expecting perfection, but she needs to make an effort. Otherwise, you have to decide what you are willing to put up with, and what is a deal-breaker. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue about three months ago. I later found out that he was cheating on me with another woman. Recently, he has been trying to reconnect with me and admitted that he made a big mistake. He claims that he is no longer with her, but I don’t know what to believe. My friends said that they know for a fact that they are still sleeping together. He seems sincere in wanting me back and I really do love him. Do you think that I should give him another chance? Everyone is telling me not to, but there were a lot of great parts to our relationship that they didn’t see. I’m not sure what to do. —BROKEN HEART

DEAR BROKEN HEART: It can be confusing when a partner cheats and then claims to want you back. It can also feel vindicating—you waited out the storm and now they are pining for you once more. But do you want a relationship where one person has all the power and you have none. Who is to say that he won’t cheat again? How can you trust him moving forward? Tread carefully here and guard your heart. Trust has to be earned and he didn’t just break it—he shattered it. You are entitled to take your time and question his motives. How can you be sure that he really did leave the other woman? If your friends are hearing rumors, you may want to take their warnings seriously.  Why do you want to take him back? He caught you in a vulnerable emotional moment. If you had more time to process this, do you think you would still want to date him? Do you really miss him or do you miss being in a relationship? I know these are a lot of questions to consider, but it is worth considering them because you are worth consideration. Just because he wants you back doesn’t mean it has to happen at all—or on his timeline.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My mother-in-law is constantly opening and reading our mail. She lives very close by and watches our daughter often for us while we are working. I think she feels a little too comfortable about things and is very nosy. This is ridiculous and I told her I was not happy about it. She got upset because she thinks since she is looking at her son’s mail, she has the right to do so. She told me that I “should stay out of it.” She actually said that to me. Who’s right on this topic? —YOU’VE GOT MAIL

DEAR YOU’VE GOT MAIL: Talk about an overbearing mother-in-law! Opening your mail and then turning around and saying that you are the one who needs to mind your own business is delusional to say the least. I would not engage with her about this and instead go straight to your husband. She’s right, he is her son. He needs to deal with this. There is absolutely no reason for her to be going through your personal belongings. What else is she rummaging through when you aren’t around? He needs to tell her that it is unacceptable to go through your mail. If she can’t honor that very simple request, then maybe she shouldn’t be in your home as often. Maybe you should have your mother-in-law watch your daughter at her house until she can respect your space. It is not a lot to ask. She needs boundaries and your husband should to be the one to set them. In the meantime, hide your mail when you know she’s coming over. Put it in your bedroom or your home office and keep the door closed. I know that is absurd, but until she learns basic manners, what other choice do you have?

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend is fed up with living in the United States. COVID-19 really sent her over the edge and she has decided she wants to move back to her home in the Caribbean. She and I have been together for a long time and while I love going to the islands, I’m not sure I could live there full-time. Every time we discuss this, she gets really upset with me when I mention how hard of a transition that would be for me. She said she’s moving — with or without me. I don’t know what I should do. I can’t imagine being without her but it feels really drastic. Any thoughts? —MOVING DRAMA

DEAR MOVING DRAMA: These concerns are completely valid. Moving is a big decision and moving out of the country is an even bigger one! You won’t have your support system close by, so you need to feel secure in your relationship. If you have any hesitations, think this through. Quitting your job and upending your whole life for love may sound like a rom-com on Hallmark, but in reality, is it the healthiest thing to do? She has put herself first in this and doesn’t seem to care whether you come with her. I find that telling that she is willing to move no matter the cost. Is that the type of relationship you want to have? Where she calls all the shots and you either go along or get left in the dust? Relationships aren’t always fifty-fifty, but if one partner isn’t being considered in the big decisions, that is a giant red flag. Whatever you decide, make sure that you are factoring yourself into it. This isn’t just about her dreams. Yours matter, too. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci