DEAR NATALIE: My husband and our nanny have been getting close. A little too close if you ask me. She is 22-years-old and very pretty. I am a lawyer and work long hours, so she is in our home with him many nights of the week. Because of Covid-19, he often works from home. This never bothered me until recently. I saw her flirting with him the other night when I came home from work. She was holding my daughter and asking him all sorts of questions about his business and wanted to know if he could privately mentor her. I was sick. I don’t think he thought I could hear them. I confronted him and he seemed truly shocked that I would even think that she was flirting or that he would be interested. But, trust me, I know what I felt in my gut. How do I nip this in the bud? She is a great nanny -- I’ll give her that -- but this nonsense has to stop.

—NANNY ISSUES

DEAR NANNY ISSUES: Well, there are two ways to play this. You can either believe your husband and give this situation a second chance, or you can believe your instincts. I wouldn’t be comfortable with her asking questions about “private mentoring” and I certainly wouldn’t be OK with him entertaining that idea. You need to make these boundaries very clear to your husband. This is your family and the nanny is supposed to be a support to that system, not a threat. I also find it disturbing because she is a very young woman and who knows what part of that conversation you could have missed. She may have felt coerced into saying something to appease him. I would refrain from placing the majority of the blame onto her and instead redirect your attention to your husband’s motives. He needs to recognize that there is a power differential here when having a 22-year-old young woman working for him. He needs to not only respect the boundaries of your marriage, but also those between himself and her. If that doesn’t work and she is becoming too much of a distraction, you may have to help her find another job and look for another nanny...  or another husband.  

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and the sexual chemistry we have is hot. However, outside of the bedroom, we don’t really have that much in common. We come from very different backgrounds and find ourselves struggling to connect. But I really do care about him and the sex is amazing. My friends keep telling me that I shouldn’t waste my time on a guy that isn’t marriage material. I do want a family down the road -- I’m 28 -- and I am wondering if maybe my friends are right? I really do enjoy his company and just not sure what to do? —SAY YES TO THE SEX

DEAR SAY YES TO THE SEX: While it is true that you can’t build a long-lasting relationship on sex alone, I can also understand why the sex has kept you together -- especially during a pandemic. But it is also important to note that sexual intimacy can come in waves, moving in and out of relationships during various stages and phases of life together. So what is it that can be the glue when the passion dims from time to time? The question isn’t so much do you love this guy -- but do you like him? People may scoff at that question, but liking someone is very underrated. Do you have common interests? Do you laugh at the same things? Do you have the same vision of the future? Do you both want children? Take a refrain from the sex for awhile and see if there’s anything else there. If not, you may want to reconsider what it is you are looking for in a long-term partner. There is nothing wrong with passion being one of the central components that keeps you together. But it can’t be the only one.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My friends and I are planning to take a RV trip this fall down the California coast. Hopefully by then, COVID-19 restrictions will be lifted. It is going to be awesome because we haven’t seen one another since the onset of the pandemic last spring. There’s just one issue. My one friend has a really obnoxious girlfriend and she asked if she could bring her. None of us are bringing our significant others, so we think it is pretty ridiculous that she wants to do this. What should I say to her? I don’t want her girlfriend to come and neither does anyone else. The only reason she wants to bring her is because she’s super clingy. It’s only for a week … can’t she just give her space? —NO OBNOXIOUS PARTNERS

DEAR NO OBNOXIOUS PARTNERS: This is all in how you frame it. Make it very clear that this is just a “friend” trip and that no one is bringing their partners. Joke that you’ve all spent more than enough time in quarantine with your loves but not nearly enough time with your friends. Let her know that it isn’t personal -- even though it sounds like it is -- and that it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else if she brought her girlfriend. It’s only a week, after all. If they can’t stand to be apart, then talk to your friends about what the other options could be. Are they willing to let the girlfriend tag along if they take their own vehicle? Perhaps the girlfriend could meet you halfway through the trip? If none of this is acceptable to the group, maybe your friend sits this one out. She can plan a couples’ getaway in the winter for everyone to bring their significant others. There is a compromise here, but it depends on how willing everyone is to bend. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have a lot of guy friends, but not a boyfriend. All the guys I hang out with tell me how awesome I am. They all wish they could find a girl like me. I think they like that I am laid back and easy to get along with, which is true! So I don’t understand why none of them will ask me out. There are two guys, in particular, that I could definitely see myself dating. But no one makes a move. I don’t know what to do, and I’m too shy to share my feelings. Plus, what if they don’t feel the same and then I lose them as friends? I feel like I’m stuck. Any advice? —SAY NO TO THE FRIEND ZONE

DEAR SAY NO TO THE FRIEND ZONE: The things that you are saying to yourself -- I bet they are saying to themselves, too. If a guy is saying to you, “Why can’t I meet someone like you…” it could mean that he is gauging your reaction to see if you might be interested. It could also mean that he really does have you in the friend zone and wants you to help him find someone cool like yourself. The only way forward here is with transparency and honesty. Take a leap of faith and ask one of the guys that you are interested in out for coffee. I know you are shy, but this could be good for you to get out of your comfort zone and recognize your power. Yes, it’s a risk, but it’s the only way you will know for sure. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a weird love triangle. My ex and I broke up over the summer and his good friend asked me out a month ago. I really like his friend and we’ve been having fun. Well, as much fun as you can have during a pandemic. We recently slept together. It was good, and while we aren’t “exclusive” yet, I think we are heading in that direction. We told each other not to tell my ex about what happened. Why make him feel awkward? Well, my ex found out and he’s been blowing up my phone with “I want you back” texts. He had all summer to chase me. He had most of the fall to chase me. And now here we are, and suddenly he wants me back? He’s also mad at his friend for hooking up with me. But it wasn’t like we slept together the day after we broke up. It’s been months. He had his chance. There is a small part of me that misses him but I am not sure what to do. I like his friend and I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. Thoughts? —CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: This is so typical. You always want what you can’t have. Now that you are a free bird, your ex is jealous that you’ve moved on. Unless you are desperate to get back with him — and it doesn’t seem that you are — you don’t owe him anything. The issue really is between him and his friend at this point. Some people would say that he broke “bro code” by hooking up with the ex — but like you said — time had passed.  Your ex had months to talk to you about his feelings. The question your new guy has to ask himself is this: Does he think dating you is worth losing his friend? If he feels strongly about you, he may have to choose between you and his friendship with your ex. Relationships — of all kinds — can be messy. I would let your ex know that you didn’t mean to hurt him, but that you have to move on with your life. Suggest that he does the same.  

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have very different political views. We both work outside the home but he is definitely the breadwinner. Recently, I have been donating to political causes and relief funds. Since Texas was hit so hard by this winter weather, I sent a few local organizations some money to help. He saw it on our credit card and made a big deal out of it. It was only a few hundred dollars here and there. We can definitely afford it. He started saying nonsense about people needing to “fend for themselves.” We ended up in a big fight and aren’t speaking much. I just want to understand why my husband is so angry. He has such a beautiful life and I don’t know why he is against helping those in need. To me, being an American means helping one another when they need support. I don’t believe that “every man for himself” will get us out of any bad situation. How do I make peace with my husband? I love him so much but I want to be able to support the causes that I believe in. Any suggestions for how to bridge this gap between us? —DIVIDED WE FALL

DEAR DIVIDED WE FALL: One simple solution is to get your own credit card for donations. Use just the money that you earn to donate to these causes so that when your husband looks at your joint statements, he can’t give you any grief. The bigger issue is this: How can you respect each other’s positions and stay happily married? It appears that you have very different views of the world. Since everything has become politicized, it can be challenging to have that energy not seep into our homes and hearts. You both need to reconnect in a way that reminds you of why you first fell in love. Do activities together, like cooking or bike riding. Engage in something that gets you both out of your heads and into your bodies. Being respectful of one another is important when you disagree, but it is hard to respect someone who believes that people should “fend for themselves” in the middle of a natural disaster brought on by climate change. In order to keep the peace, you may have to agree to disagree and use your own money to support the causes you believe in.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci