DEAR NATALIE: I was at an event last week and I met a woman and her fiancé. They seemed like really nice people and so we hung out with them for a while. Well, at one point, the woman went to the ladies’ room and her fiancé proceeded to hit on me. He told me that they have an “understanding” and that he found me “sexy” in the dress I was wearing. I was so taken aback that I didn't say anything. Then, later that evening, he came up behind me and put his arms around my waist. I spun around and told him to back off. At that point, she came over and asked what was wrong. I told her that he was a creep and that she should know he had been hitting on me. She then proceeded to flip out at me, called me all kinds of horrible names and walked away with her fiancé. My husband said I should have told him what was going on, but I wanted to handle it myself. My best girlfriend told me that I shouldn’t have even bothered telling her. “Women never listen,” she said. But, I would want to know! What should I have done? -DISGUSTED BY BAD BEHAVIOR

DEAR DISGUSTED BY BAD BEHAVIOR: You did absolutely nothing wrong. He was a total creep and you called him out. If she wants to be with him after he acted like that in front of her, that is her choice. Your friend sounds jaded, and while I understand her perspective, you had every right and reason to say and do what you did. We may not be able to control other people’s reactions, but we can control our actions. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and I’m so sorry that this happened in the first place. No one has the right to put their hands on you and he knew exactly what he was doing. I’m disgusted for you and I hope his fiancée wakes up and realizes that his disrespectful behavior isn't worth her time. 

DEAR NATALIE: I am a retired female business owner in my late 60s who has been married for more than 30 years to one of my clients. (I handled all of his business matters for decades).  Perhaps the fact that I worked for him caused him to develop a bad habit of “shushing” me during social conversations. If I would try to interject a comment during one of his long discussions, he would stop to scold me by raising his finger in front of my face and asking: “Was I talking, or were you?” Usually I would ask him if what I was saying was right or wrong — and he would admit that my information was correct — but then he would just continue talking. Only once did someone call him out on this disrespect when he shushed me a few times during dinner with a younger couple. The husband finally told him, “She’s allowed to talk.” During the pandemic, he shushes me, even when I’m not speaking! If I just walk by him at home while he’s watching TV, I’ll hear, “Shhhh!” I have often complained about this infuriating behavior but the disrespect continues. Is it too late to teach an old dog a new trick? —WIFE OF AN OLD DOG

DEAR WIFE OF AN OLD DOG: I don’t know if you can teach an old dog new tricks, but I do believe you can teach yourself to engage with him in a way that makes you feel better. It isn’t acceptable that he disrespects you and “shushes” you at home or in front of company. The fact that your friends even called him out makes me think that this behavior of his is obviously upsetting to not just you but the people around you. Moving forward, if he “shushes” you, I would tell him that you find it incredibly disrespectful that he does that. You are not a child, you are not an employee that he can bully, you are his wife. If he can’t treat you with dignity and respect, he doesn’t need to interact with you. Then walk away. If he does it in front of other people, let him know that he is embarrassing himself with his behavior and that no one appreciates it. Then, redirect the conversation. The problem with people who have been successful for a long time and are used to getting their way is that they feel as though they are entitled to treat others however they feel like. The best way to deal with a bully is to confront them. It may feel awkward at first, but my guess is that if you push back, he’ll retreat.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I'm living in rural America and my landlord thinks differently than I do. (Different backgrounds, I think). I’ve gotten a few things wrong in the few years I've lived under their roof. It's not like I haven't tried to fulfill every single demand they list on their website. The weirdest part, for me, was that the landlady or property manager for the entire building constantly avoids me. I’ve only seen them one or two times in my entire tenancy. She told me that “I'm around” but I literally never see her, unless she is busy speaking with another person. She doesn't even say hello to me. Is there a proper informal way, now that we have been introduced, to bring up general complaints and maintenance requests to her even though she is so avoidant to myself and my family? It is an old apartment, so things fall off, break down and wear out. For your reference, I do not know her, nor have I complained or spoken ill towards her. I'm confused as to why she acts like I'm just not even here. Also, why would someone rent to someone they do not speak to? -PERPLEXED TENANT

DEAR PERPLEXED TENANT: Having an avoidant landlord makes me think that they are neglectful to the issues of their tenants, and your letter speaks to that. While I can’t say why she won’t interact with you, I can tell you that having requests for maintenance in writing can be important. Send emails, follow up by phone calls and be consistent in your communication until she acknowledges you. The next time you have an issue, contact your property manager or if that is her, reach out directly. She could also be socially awkward or shy. She may mean well but not have strong social skills. I don’t know why she won’t speak to you, but I wouldn’t take it personally. Who knows why people behave the way that they do? It could have absolutely nothing to do with you, so please don’t internalize her dismissiveness as something that is wrong with you. Instead, just communicate with her if and when you need her via email and then follow up with a phone call. Perhaps she is just a disorganized person who can’t keep track of things as well as she should be. However, if you are feeling as though she isn’t responsive and things around your home aren’t being addressed, it may be time to look for another place. This is a last resort, as I know moving is expensive, finding affordable housing is difficult and putting down a security deposit plus rent can be financially overwhelming. I hope you can work this out, instead. 

DEAR NATALIE: How do I deal with a friend who seems to enjoy constantly doing the opposite of what she agrees to do? For instance, she says "I will be there at 3 p.m." but she actually arrives about 3:45 p.m. She says, "I'll bring fries to share," but she is late instead and  brings tortilla chips and salsa. Then, she enjoys them herself. Why is my friend seemingly incapable of being considerate of others and how do I talk to her about this? —ANNOYED BY SELFISHNESS

DEAR ANNOYED BY SELFISHNESS: I would lower your expectations. “People show you who they are, so believe them” is one of my all-time favorite quotes and for good reason. If this is who she is, then stop expecting her to magically change. If you invite her over, tell her the time is a half hour before you really want her there so she’s only 15 minutes late. If you want snacks, buy them yourself. Don’t rely on people who are unreliable. Keep her at arm’s length and engage with her only when you are in the mood to deal with her nonsense. Not everyone is thoughtful, and when you are a thoughtful person, you can’t unsee this behavior. Just be thankful you aren’t like her.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her new web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: I'm 62 years old and I've raised three children. I started in 1980 and my last child left home finally in 2013 when I got married. Mind you, the middle and youngest stayed with us and we helped them out financially. To make a long story short, my son recently found out he has a six year old. I've met them and have grown to love the child. My grandchild's mother has another child one year younger than my son’s. When the mother came to pick up my grandchild, she had the other child with her. Her child asked me if she could come next time. I said, “We'll see.” I've been thinking about that ever since. I was going to take the mother to lunch and explain that I wouldn't want to start something with the other child. My son’s child is six and full of energy. Even though I say I'm a young 62, sometimes, I feel my age. I know I don't have to be obligated to the other child, but after she comes home from a visit, I don't want to create any animosity between them. -NEED YOUR OPINION

DEAR NEED YOUR OPINION: Let me start by saying that I think it is admirable that you have decided to embrace your new grandchild. It’s beautiful that they will grow up having more family around to love and support them. I also respect and understand your concern about taking on more responsibility by having their sibling -- who isn’t related to you -- with you when you are alone. It takes a lot of energy to entertain one six year old let alone adding a smaller one to the mix! I also understand why you don’t want the other little one to feel excluded. But maybe there is a compromise here. Perhaps you can plan a playdate with both of them while the mother is present. Maybe the next time you go for ice cream or a walk through the park with your grandchild, you could have their mother and other child meet you so they can have some play time together without the burden being placed on you. This -- of course -- only works if you get along with your grandchild’s mother. But if you do, try that and see how it feels. Maybe it’s just for a half hour once a month, but perhaps integrating their sibling into your world a little bit will help them feel included without you feeling depleted. 

DEAR NATALIE: As a bi, homoromantic (coupled for many years) male who works in early childhood, I am faced daily with mothers who breastfeed in public. While I am 100% in support of their decision to freely breastfeed without constraints, I am still struggling with how to respond. Of course this is non-sexual in nature, and I am not getting any *jollies* from this natural providing of nourishment. Yet, I still feel uncomfortable and want to know how to show deference to the situation. Do I just remain in eye contact? Do we speak about what is going on or should I just ignore it? There are so many social taboos left over from our puritanical society that make me feel uneasy at best. Thoughts on how to best put everyone at ease? —BREAST IS BEST

DEAR BREAST IS BEST: Thank you for your thoughtful question. I understand that someone who breastfeeds in public can make some people feel uncomfortable. For centuries, women’s bodies have been sexualized and seen through the patriarchal gaze as not their own, but instead to be enjoyed and used by men. While it may seem archaic to some, remnants of it exist everywhere. So how can you combat those feelings? Remind yourself that breastfeeding is natural, it’s healthy and normal. When you are with a person who is breastfeeding, try not to stare. Ask them if they need anything if that feels appropriate or if they are comfortable. (Are they in need of an extra pillow, for example, if you are in a lounge or sitting area.) If none of that feels comfortable to you, simply ignore it. Not in a dismissive way, but carry on with your conversation while they breastfeed and try to follow their lead. If they are comfortable, smiling and seem at ease, attempt to match that energy. Over time, I think people will become less nervous and more comfortable with breastfeeding, but it takes people like you who are willing to sit with their discomfort and examine it.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci