Ask Someone Else's Mom

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Last year my wife had real issues with her hair. She had over-processed it (her stylist’s phrase) and it was getting brittle and looking kind of weird. She started doing all this stuff to get it back to normal, but in the meantime, she bought a wig that was really close to her own color. I thought it looked okay, but her own hair didn’t bother me, and I know she was starting to take better care of it.

That first wig started something. She got so many compliments on the way she looked with the wig that she decided to go out and get another one, just for fun. Six months later, she has spent nearly $3000 on wigs, and in the meantime her own hair is looking normal again.

I have hinted to her that maybe she’s overdoing it with the wig thing, especially since she doesn’t make the kind of money to be able to afford a $200 or $300 wig every few weeks. How do I convince her she doesn’t need and can’t afford all the wigs? --- WIGGING OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR WIGGING OUT IN TEXAS: Reassuring your wife that you think she looks good without the wigs may help, but if she’s sporting them to have some fun and feel good about the way she looks, that probably won’t get her to stop, and why should she?

My worries are the potentially detrimental cost of this expensive collection, and more importantly, that it may be an indication she’s not happy with her usual appearance. Hinting will only get you so far. Honestly letting her know your worries go beyond the superficial might be what she needs to understand you think there may be cause for concern.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My father is a very generous man. He has offered to hire a live-in nanny to help us out when our second baby arrives in two months. My wife is dead set against it, and I don’t entirely get why. She keeps saying her mother managed four kids without a nanny, and she doesn’t like the idea of having someone else in the house with us all the time.

I keep trying to tell her it will be good to have a chance to recover from the pregnancy and delivery, but she just wants her mom to come stay with us for two or three weeks and then she wants to get back to it being just the four of us. Why would anyone not want to have help with two kids? I don’t get it. --- CONFUSED SON AND HUSBAND

DEAR CONFUSED SON AND HUSBAND: While it seems like an ideal situation to you to have hired help for your growing family, it sounds as if your wife has already worked out an arrangement that she’s more comfortable with. Things may change down the road, but for now, you and your dad need to respect her wishes and put the live-in nanny idea on the back burner.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I don’t think it’s too much to ask, but my husband keeps telling me to just wait. For the last year and a half we have been living in the house he and his ex-wife bought. Her decorating tastes are totally different from mine, and the house is not near either of our jobs.

I keep trying to show my husband houses I find online that would cost less than this one and I know we can get more than enough money to buy something different when we sell it. The same house two blocks away just sold for almost $50,000 more than the houses I am looking at.

What can I do to get him to see that there’s no reason to stay here? --- HE WON’T BUDGE

DEAR HE WON’T BUDGE: Maybe it’s time to consult a realtor to get accurate information on the current real estate market in your area. Gather as much solid data as you can and start visiting open houses in both your neighborhood as well as your target areas.

In the meantime, start replacing some of the decor in your home with items in your own taste that you can relocate when the time comes.

Taking some concrete steps might help convince your husband you mean business.