DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both our oldest daughter and I have several food allergies, including nuts, wheat, and shellfish. But almost every single time we eat over at my in-law’s, my mother-in-law puts out little bowls of nuts, and has shrimp cocktails, and then serves a pasta main course. The shrimp we can avoid, and the two of us have learned to eat something before we go for dinner, but my daughter is so sensitive to nuts that even the residual oils left behind from the nuts can give her a reaction.

I have spoken to my mother-in-law about this more than once, and she just doesn’t seem to get it. I am at the point of not going to her house anymore, which I know will hurt her, but I have to protect myself and my daughter. I don’t think I have a choice, do you? --- ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD

DEAR ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD: I absolutely agree you need to protect your child and yourself.

If your mother-in-law can’t learn to work around your allergies, then either only dine with them at your place, or suggest meeting at restaurants that you know can accommodate your needs.

It also seems like your husband, if he hasn’t, should step in and explain things to his mom. Coming from her son, it might make more of an impression.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know I’m supposed to be happy and busy and out spending money this time of year, but I am just not in that frame of mind. My new job doesn’t pay that much and because I haven’t been there long enough to earn much PTO, I won’t be able to get home for Christmas. Not much to be excited about, so why should I be? --- DOWN ON THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR DOWN ON THE HOLIDAYS: A lot of us have trouble fitting into the projections of what we’re supposed to do and feel this time of year. It’s easy to get sucked into and spit out by it all, but you have to do what’s right for you. Hopefully your family understands your circumstances and will look forward to a visit with you at a more opportune time.

Please don’t feel pressure to overspend and put on a jolly face. You don’t have to do either. Look around you at work and in your social world. You may find others in your situation, and together you might be able to form a support system to get through the high-pressured days ahead.

NOTE FROM MOM: Today is the day to give thanks, not for what we don’t have, but for what’s good in our lives.

Please reach out to those you care about and let them know how much they mean to you. The contact will do you both good.

A Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all my readers/commenters/letter writers. I appreciate you all!

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have taught Sunday school for the past fifteen years and recently I was asked to fill in for the youth ministry leader, who was on maternity leave.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I don’t shock easily, but some of the things I heard these kids talking about in our discussion group made me cringe. These kids talked openly ─ in front of an adult who’s known them since they were little ─ about sex, alcohol, drugs, social media stalking and slanders, and more topics than I can remember ─ or care to!

What are the odds these kids were putting on a show for the old Sunday schoolmarm, or is this for real? And if it’s for real, how much do you suppose their parents know? --- SHOCKED TO THE CHOIRLOFT

DEAR SHOCKED TO THE CHOIRLOFT: I suspect you were treated to at least equal parts fact and fiction. While I wouldn’t venture to guess how much kids have changed over the years as far as what they do or don’t do, there certainly seems to be a greater level of openness and lack of self-consciousness among many, and the expectation that everyone is largely unfiltered.

How much their parents know is anyone’s guess, as is how much they’d care to know, and a fair topic for you to take up with their usual adult leader.

Consider your stint as fly-on-the-wall as a chance to gain both a little knowledge and wisdom, which may give you new insights as a religious instructor.