Parents Feel Source of Son's Cash Is Dubious

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our son works at a bar with a sort of iffy reputation. The word has always been it’s run by a local mob family. Given that the place has been closed for all but limited carryout since March, we can’t understand where our son is getting the cash he seems to always have on hand when he only works a few hours a week. My wife and I can’t help but wonder if he is doing some “side jobs” for the bar’s owners, and if so, what trouble he may find himself in down the road.

Do we share our theory with him, or just let it go and hope things get back to the way they were before? --- CONCERNED ABOUT OUR SON

DEAR CONCERNED ABOUT OUR SON: It’s possible the owners of the bar have continued paying their staff something for as long as they’re able. Generous tips on carryout service could also be a consideration. However, as concerned parents, while you may not have a right to pry into your adult son’s affairs, you can share your thoughts with him. He may laugh it off, get angry, or take it seriously, but at least he’ll know you care enough to ask.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’ve always thought my dad is a good-looking man. Even now, in his sixties, he turns heads when we’re out. That’s why I don’t get why he thinks he needs the hairpiece he started wearing a couple of months ago. He spent a lot of money on it, according to my stepmom, who also doesn’t think he needs it. So it isn’t that it looks cheap or anything, but it just doesn’t seem like something he would do. I never thought of my dad as all that concerned with his looks, so this doesn’t seem like him at all.

Do I wait awhile to see if this is just a passing thing, or should I say something to him before someone else’s comments hurt him? --- NO RUG FOR DAD

DEAR NO RUG FOR DAD: I’m a believer in letting people do what they need to in order to feel good about themselves — provided it doesn’t hurt anyone.

From your description, your father’s hairpiece isn’t your great-uncle Charlie’s cheap toupee, but hopefully something well-made and well-fitted. I say, if it makes your dad feel more self-confident, then you don’t need to worry, and should keep your observations to yourself.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Back when my daughter was a teenager, she and I had a rough time. She lived with her mom mostly, and I got her some weekends, holidays, and a couple weeks each summer. On one of these summer visitations, she decided to try and run off with her boyfriend. I guess she figured Dad was clueless, but she was surprised. When I stopped her, we had a blowup that ended with her being picked up by her mom. That was the last time she ever wanted to spend time with me.

Even back then, my ex-wife agreed with me over stopping our daughter from making a huge mistake. By the time school started again that fall, she and the guy had split up, and she went on to marry a bright and decent man.

My daughter is now in her late 20s and recently had her first child, my one and only grandchild. Since the failed elopement at 16, she has wanted nothing to do with me, which I’ve tried to learn to live with, because I am convinced to this day that I did the right thing in stopping her. Now, I never see my grandson, unless it’s at a family gathering organized by my ex-wife, who has always supported my efforts to remain in our daughter’s life.

It tears me up that not only did I lose my daughter, but now my grandson, because over 10 years ago, I did what was best for my daughter.

Is it worth continuing this fight, or do I just settle with a few occasional glimpses of my grandson? --- PUSHED AWAY DAD

DEAR PUSHED AWAY DAD: You were willing to lose the affection of your daughter to prevent her from making what you considered an incredibly bad decision. That tells me you’re a brave and caring father. I think it’s absolutely worth it to keep on taking advantage of what opportunities you have to be with your family, especially since your ex is in your corner.

Becoming a parent has a funny way of changing the way you look at life. In time, your daughter may come around and understand why you did what you did.