DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Even though it happened over eight years ago, I still blame myself in part for my cousin’s death. We were super close growing up, but once we were both in college we did not see each other as often, more like just around holidays and at family events.

When he was in his junior year and living abroad, he died of alcohol poisoning. The local police ruled it accidental, but I know he had been really down over a breakup and missing home. And that is the problem. What if it was suicide? I knew he was having a rough time, and I did not do anything beyond indirectly telling his dad about it when I saw him on a visit home. It was a week before the death, and I knew my cousin was hurting and acting kind of off. At the time, or at least what I remember, his parents were a little concerned, but he had always bounced back from breakups in the past, and they thought he would pull himself out of his sadness again this time.

I cannot stop thinking that if I had done more, even if I had been more forceful about my worries with my uncle, my cousin might still be here. I miss him still and my guilt about not helping him makes it worse.

How do I get past the guilt? --- THINK i COULD HAVE SAVED HIM

DEAR THINK I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM: When someone dies under circumstances like your cousin did, it’s bound to haunt the survivors. All the “could’ve should’ve would’ve” speculations and regrets may not be avoidable, but they also do nothing to help anyone in the end.

Allow yourself to grieve for your lost cousin, without holding yourself responsible for his loss. Accidental overdoses are more common than any of us want to think.

Please consider pursuing grief counseling as soon as you can. I’ve seen the lasting effects on those who’ve had to deal with similar deaths, and such pain can lead to deep, lifelong scarring.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my mom turned 50, she cut her hair so it was just long enough to pull back. That was five years ago, and I see that a lot of her friends have kept their hair long.

I think it is strange and not at all a good look for older women to have long hair. It is almost like they want to look like their daughters or granddaughters.

Why would any older woman want to do that? I think it’s ridiculous. --- LONG HAIR FOR YOUNG HEADS

DEAR LONG HAIR FOR YOUNG HEADS: I can already imagine what some of this column’s readers will have to say about your question, so I’ll take a more polite approach.

While many women opt for shorter hair as we grow older, it’s often because of practical considerations, such as ease of care. For others, it’s a desire to change things up a bit. But I’ve known plenty of well-adjusted, quite contented women who have opted to wear their hair long as they age. It’s a matter of personal choice, based on private motives.

I believe you should do what works for you, and if your mom’s friends like their look, good for them.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My dad has called himself a hypochondriac for as long as I can remember. It got worse after he and my mom split up right before I started high school. When that happened, they were given joint custody of me, so I started splitting my time between their two homes, which I continue to do even while I’m now in college. I get along great with both my parents, and I actually enjoy being with them both, just not when they’re together.

Now that my dad is what he calls semi-retired, he has more time to worry about his health, and obviously, COVID hasn’t helped. He has sat in his car in stupid long lines four times I know of to get tested whenever he believes he has any of the potential symptoms. He is really healthy, and except for slightly high blood pressure and cholesterol, he is in really good shape for someone who is almost 60. But he refuses to go out of the house, except for getting tested and so far for his two vaccination appointments.

Now that he’s fully vaccinated, he needs to start getting out, and stop focusing on his health. What do I do to convince him it’s safe, and actually a good thing, to get out of the house once in a while? He is beginning to get a little weird from being home all the time and alone for half of it. --- HYPOCHONDRIAC’S KID

DEAR HYPOCHONDRIAC’S KID: I know a few people who, like your dad, are still not comfortable leaving their homes these days — even after they’ve been fully vaccinated. I’m glad when I hear that most of them at least venture out for some exercise and the occasional trip to do some necessary shopping.

Perhaps you could work on getting your dad out for a walk, even in your neighborhood, with you along, masked and socially distanced. You can explain to him that you really need the exercise yourself, and that you don’t have to stay out for too long. I’d start small and close to home, at a time when it isn’t likely you’ll encounter any neighbors. Then, if that works, you could try a local park, which will hopefully have other people, but also enough space to avoid being too close to them for your dad’s comfort. In time, you could talk to him about getting some professional help to deal with his anxieties, but that would probably be a hard sell right now.

Baby steps. I think that’s what it’s going to take to get your dad and countless others back out in the world again.