DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband’s biological father died when he was little, and so his stepfather became his main father image. My father-in-law is not a bad man, but he is a strict one, raised in a strict, what I think of as old-fashioned home. Children are not to speak at mealtimes, have to address him and my mother-in-law as sir and ma’am, and never raise their voices, even when playing among themselves.

This is all familiar to my husband, who truth be told, had a real education when he became part of my big Italian family! We treat each other with respect, but it plays out a whole lot differently than what my husband is used to seeing. It is far more boisterous than the environment he grew up in.

I get the “my house, my rules” thing, but I now have to put up with balking kids every time they know we’re off to visit their father’s parents. I find it a little unnatural, and always stressful. And even when my in-laws visit us, I can see the stress gets transferred to my perfectly proper father-in-law. Consequently, they do not visit us too often.

What can I do to make life around my father-in-law more bearable for my normally high-spirited kids? --- KIDS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN

DEAR KIDS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN: Perhaps it’s your husband’s job to reach out to his parents and explain that your kids are used to a freer atmosphere than what they encounter on visits with their grandparents. It is, ultimately, as you say, their home, their rules, but if a little bit of compromise on both sides can be reached, such as silence at the table, but relatively free range during outdoor play, both lifestyles can begin to adjust to each other, and hopefully, lead to less stressful visits for all.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have a new friend from work. He has Asperger syndrome, and although he is one of the most brilliant men I have ever met, he just does not get the kind of humor prevalent in our office. This has led to coworkers thinking he is stupid, or being purposely dense, but I have done some research on Asperger’s, which has helped me understand where he is coming from. I feel like I get him, and we have started hanging out more outside of the office.

Because of all this, we have gotten close, and I sometimes have a sense that he sort of wants to fit in more at work, and yet I also see how hard it is for him to do so. He knows he is different from many people, and he is actually very funny in his own way, with his own brand of humor. And he does indeed feel things keenly. He just is not able to display his feelings the same as other people do.

I do not get why people seem determined to remain so ignorant and cruel at times. Everyone acknowledges how brilliant he is at his job. They just cannot bother to get to know him better, as I have.

Should I be happy with knowing that at least he has one good friend at work, or is there any value in trying to convince others to give him a chance? --- PROUD OF MY FRIEND

DEAR PROUD OF MY FRIEND: I applaud your taking the time to learn about how your friend and others with Asperger’s process their surroundings. That makes you sound to me like the kind of friend we all need. And, I believe your mutual acceptance of each other is a good thing for you and your new friend. Being close to someone who sees the world through very different lenses is a way to enrich both people in the relationship.

Before making any grand gestures at work, however, I think you should speak with your friend to see how strongly he feels about being more socially popular at the office. Even though you indicated he wants to fit in more, that may not mean he’s all that into getting closer to those who take little to no effort to get to know him better. If it appears he is in fact interested in being more “one of the gang,” then it may help his cause the most if you simply continue setting an example for your coworkers to follow by letting them see the kind of successful interactions you have with him around the office.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend was engaged to her last boyfriend for almost five years. He called it all off a few weeks before the wedding, and it really busted my girlfriend up. I didn’t know her at the time, but her friends told me about it.

She didn’t go out with anyone for over a year. Then, when she did, it sounds like she went sort of wild. She hooked up with a couple of guys from work, and started barhopping most weekends. Her best friend said it was like a weird phase she had to go through to get back to being herself.

I’m no saint, and have had plenty of wild times too. But now, I’m ready to start thinking about settling down, and this woman feels like the one for me. I just don’t know if she feels the same, or if she’s just using me like she did the other guys she’s been with since her breakup. Her friends tell me she’s different with me than she was with the other guys, which makes me feel a little better. But how do I find out if I’m just another stepping-stone for her, or if maybe she’s ready for something more real too? --- READY TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR READY TO SETTLE DOWN: You don’t say anything about how long you’ve been with your new girlfriend. If it’s still a fresh relationship, what’s the rush to define it just yet?

I understand you’re getting to the next stage of your life, but if you think there’s even a chance of this relationship being a real deal, then let it unfold for a while on its own. My suspicion is you’ll know soon enough if you’re as significant a part of her life as she’s already apparently become of yours.