DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and her mother have had a very clearly defined relationship. Simply put, Gran rules over Mom. Always has.

I’ve never liked it, but now that I’m planning my wedding, it bugs me more and more to see Gran just plowing over my mom, and Mom taking it.

Personally, I have no problems pushing back at Gran, but I can see that that makes Mom nervous, because she knows how nuts her mother can be when she doesn’t get her way.

How do I get my mom to grow a pair and stop being her mother’s doormat? --- MOM’S A MOUSE

DEAR MOM’S A MOUSE: You can try encouraging your mother to be more assertive in her dealings with your grandmother, but clearly, this is a lifetime habit that isn’t going to be reversed overnight.

One tactic that may help is when you’re working on the wedding plans with both women, you could clearly defer to your mother in front of your grandmother, and then follow through with supporting, or at least openly considering, your mother’s suggestions.

This way, you’re setting a tone of inclusion that should also signal to your grandmother that ultimately, you intend to be in charge of your big day, and you consider your mom to be a key and valuable part of the planning process.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend had a bad accident on his ATV last fall. He crashed it into a tree when he lost control. He is lucky he wasn’t hurt worse than he was. As it is, he had several broken ribs, a broken wrist, and worst of all, a small fracture in his spine, which meant he had to wear a back brace for months, not to mention the ATV was totaled.

Now, he is looking to replace his vehicle, and get back to running it with his friends. I am so mad at him, I did not talk to him for almost a week when he told me what he’s doing.

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose him to his stupid dangerous hobby. What can I say short of it’s the ATV or me to get him to stop risking his life for nothing but a cheap thrill? --- WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV

DEAR WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV: I’m not a fan of ultimatums for at least two reasons. First, it forces someone into a corner, and that can lead to less rational decisions being made out of anger over being pushed. The other main problem is that you have to be prepared to follow through with your threat. If you aren’t truly ready to end the relationship over this, then don’t threaten to do so.

You’ve made it clear you strongly object to his hobby because of how dangerous it’s already been proven to be. If he starts up with it again, the choice to tolerate it or not falls to you. It’s a tough spot to be in, but if the relationship is going to move forward, you need to find some common ground on this and plenty of other subjects.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My favorite cousin has always been a bit of a doofus. I’ve always told him he is, so we’re open about everything. We grew up living two doors down from each other, and he is more like a brother to me sometimes than my own brother. I would do anything (legal!) for him, but would also like to hear from him sometimes other than when he needs a favor from me or wants to borrow money (which he always pays back).

I reach out to him all the time, but, like I say, never the other way around except for when he wants something. How do I get him to be more than just a “cousin in need”? --- WANT MORE FROM MY CUZ

DEAR WANT MORE FROM MY CUZ: I hear this a lot from people, that someone they care about forgets the phone/text/email works both ways. It can be hurtful to feel like you’re simply a soft touch in times of need.

My advice is to keep letting him know you’re available for more than just when he needs something by making specific arrangements to meet up and spend time together, just for the heck of it.

It may rub off, and it may not, but at least you’ll be doing what you can to try and move things to a more balanced footing.