DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Since I was a little girl, my great-aunt promised me her hand-painted Limoges porcelain collection if she ever decided to part with it, or after she passed.

Earlier this year she had to move into a nursing home and before she did, she started giving away some of her belongings. For whatever reason, she decided to give all the china to my cousin, including the Limoges collection.

My cousin has openly said she thinks it’s all ugly and can’t wait to sell it. She’s checked out eBay and Etsy and Replacements, Ltd. and found out it’s worth at least $4000-5,000.

I offered to pay her half of that amount for just my favorite pieces, which are only a small portion of the entire collection. She turned me down, saying she knows she can make more selling it online.

I think she’s wrong, and I know my great-aunt always loved and treasured her china collection, and it would crush her to know it was going to be sold away from the family. I’m guessing she thought that since my cousin is recently engaged, it would make a nice wedding gift, and that this way it would stay in the family. Well, the cash from a sale would certainly be a generous wedding gift, but I think it’s like my cousin’s taking advantage of our great-aunt and not fessing up to what she plans on doing with the china, because I know she hasn’t told her her plans.

I would love to tell our great-aunt what’s going on, but feel it isn’t my place. Is it? --- NO CHINA FOR ME

DEAR NO CHINA FOR ME: For whatever reason she had, your great-aunt decided to gift the china to your cousin, and as hard as that may be for you to take, it seems to me that you need to respect her wishes.

That said, perhaps you could continue working with your cousin to find a compromise on the selling price of the pieces you particularly want. She may find that it’s more profitable in some cases to sell pieces individually rather than as a collection, and that won’t be quite the quick and easy money she may be hoping for.

So, if you can do the research necessary to get a fair and accurate valuation of the items you’re offering to purchase, you can make the argument that your buying them directly from your cousin gives her immediate cash in hand, and saves her time, effort, and shipping costs.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and her mother have had a very clearly defined relationship. Simply put, Gran rules over Mom. Always has.

I’ve never liked it, but now that I’m planning my wedding, it bugs me more and more to see Gran just plowing over my mom, and Mom taking it.

Personally, I have no problems pushing back at Gran, but I can see that that makes Mom nervous, because she knows how nuts her mother can be when she doesn’t get her way.

How do I get my mom to grow a pair and stop being her mother’s doormat? --- MOM’S A MOUSE

DEAR MOM’S A MOUSE: You can try encouraging your mother to be more assertive in her dealings with your grandmother, but clearly, this is a lifetime habit that isn’t going to be reversed overnight.

One tactic that may help is when you’re working on the wedding plans with both women, you could clearly defer to your mother in front of your grandmother, and then follow through with supporting, or at least openly considering, your mother’s suggestions.

This way, you’re setting a tone of inclusion that should also signal to your grandmother that ultimately, you intend to be in charge of your big day, and you consider your mom to be a key and valuable part of the planning process.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend had a bad accident on his ATV last fall. He crashed it into a tree when he lost control. He is lucky he wasn’t hurt worse than he was. As it is, he had several broken ribs, a broken wrist, and worst of all, a small fracture in his spine, which meant he had to wear a back brace for months, not to mention the ATV was totaled.

Now, he is looking to replace his vehicle, and get back to running it with his friends. I am so mad at him, I did not talk to him for almost a week when he told me what he’s doing.

I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to lose him to his stupid dangerous hobby. What can I say short of it’s the ATV or me to get him to stop risking his life for nothing but a cheap thrill? --- WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV

DEAR WON’T TOLERATE THE ATV: I’m not a fan of ultimatums for at least two reasons. First, it forces someone into a corner, and that can lead to less rational decisions being made out of anger over being pushed. The other main problem is that you have to be prepared to follow through with your threat. If you aren’t truly ready to end the relationship over this, then don’t threaten to do so.

You’ve made it clear you strongly object to his hobby because of how dangerous it’s already been proven to be. If he starts up with it again, the choice to tolerate it or not falls to you. It’s a tough spot to be in, but if the relationship is going to move forward, you need to find some common ground on this and plenty of other subjects.