DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I moved here to Chicago from Czechia almost 15 years ago. We became citizens as soon as we were able, and are doing our best to raise our children to be good citizens, but also to know about where their parents come from. We speak both English and Czech at home, and have taught our children to read and write in both languages.

Our oldest son has just become a teenager, and now he seems to be ashamed of both us, his parents, and his background. When a neighbor asked him a few days ago to say something in Czech, he said he cannot, because he does not speak the language. When his friends come over to our house, he seems to do all he can to keep them away from his father and me. It all hurts our feelings and makes us sad to think our son is so ashamed of us and his heritage.

We know teenage boys act differently from younger boys, but do you think this is all normal, or is our being immigrants making him act worse? --- FEELING ASHAMED OF FEELING ASHAMED

DEAR FEELING ASHAMED OF FEELING ASHAMED: I’m guessing much of what you’re experiencing is a normal aspect of life with a typical teen. In your case, it just happens that there’s something specific your son can latch onto to be critical of, beyond just the usual perceived generational differences. He’s probably trying his hardest to not stand out from the other kids he knows, and if his household is culturally different from those of his friends, he may feel that it brands him as an oddball.

My advice to you is to not take it personally, hard as that may be to do when the slights are happening. Hopefully with time and maturity, he’ll come to value his having had the chance to grow up experiencing two different cultures, which can be a wonderful springboard to understanding and accepting a wider range of people, traditions, and ways of thinking.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A nephew attended college but didn’t graduate with his class because he fell short of a credit, and some years later completed the course required for receiving his degree online.

Recently, we received a text from his parents stating they are now having a graduation party for him a few days before a family get-together scheduled a couple months ago.

Do we just get a card or is a graduation gift in order? What is proper etiquette in this scenario? --- ANGEL NEEDS HELP

DEAR ANGEL NEEDS HELP: Even though it took years for your nephew to graduate, and he earned his final credits on-line, he still did it. It’s become increasingly common for people to earn degrees outside the traditional timeframe due to a variety of reasons. That doesn’t make their accomplishment any less valuable or important. As a matter of fact, for some, the achievement is all the more impressive because of the circumstances surrounding the completion of their studies.

While I don’t know what the rules of etiquette suggest, I believe a card is certainly appropriate, as would be at least a token gift to acknowledge a job well done, however it was completed. Faced with similar circumstances, I personally would opt to give a gift equivalent to what I’d give someone who earned their degree by going straight through their program without any significant breaks.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Ever since we were kids, my younger brother got away with just about anything he wanted to. My mom would never yell at him the way she yelled at me, even if I didn’t do anything nearly as bad as he did.

Even now, when we are adults, my younger brother gets away without being lectured by my mom, but if I do the smallest thing she doesn’t approve of, I get the third degree followed by a long sermon on everything I did wrong.

I just don’t get why he gets away with everything, and I am judged and yelled at. I am not perfect, but I certainly do usually make better decisions than my brother.

Am I wrong to want to not always be the one who is wrong? --- MY BROTHER GETS AWAY WITH IT ALL

DEAR MY BROTHER GETS AWAY WITH IT ALL: My best guess is that, fair or not, as you’re the older child, your mother has higher expectations of you and your behavior. I’d also bet that if you ask any number of fellow first-borns, you’ll hear a similar story.

If you’ve never directly and calmly discussed with your mom how you feel about the apparent unfair treatment, it may be time to do so. Old habits die hard, and if she relied on you to be “the responsible big brother” in childhood, she may be hoping and expecting you to continue in that role even now that you and your brother are adults.