DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When my husband and I got married two years ago, his grandmother chose not only to not attend the wedding, but to also urge the rest of his family to also skip it because she didn’t like that her “favorite” grandson was marrying a white woman. Not only a white woman, but a Catholic one at that.

Because of how she treated us, and what I know she thinks about me, I am not all that interested in including her at my baby shower, but I know the omission will hurt my mother-in-law, who is a truly kind and loving lady, and has never treated me as anything but a daughter since my engagement to her son. She does, however, freely acknowledge that her mother is difficult, but also feels my reaching out to her will perhaps make a difference in how her mother sees me.

Tell me why I should put myself on the line again and invite a woman who clearly hates me to an event I am otherwise very excited about, with the exception of fearing she’ll turn up? --- HATED GRANDDAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR HATED GRANDDAUGHTER-IN-LAW: Your husband’s grandmother has made her feelings about his choice of a wife abundantly clear. If she didn’t attend your wedding, it doesn’t seem likely she’d want to be on hand for this next happy occasion.

That said, since it means a lot to your mother-in-law, you could go ahead and include your grandmother-in-law on the guest list. You’ll have extended the olive branch. If she accepts, perhaps your mother-in-law is right, and her mother is ready to see you in a new light. If she declines or ignores the invitation altogether, nothing will have changed, through no fault of your own.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and I moved into a house in what was long considered a middle class holdout, surrounded by neighborhoods that have been redeveloped into townhouses and McMansion subdivisions, which we neither like nor want to live in. We’ve always loved both the location of the older neighborhood and the classic Levitt-built homes that make it up, especially ones that haven’t had all the original features renovated out of them.

Ever since we moved in, though, some of the neighbors have been at the least very cool, at the worst downright rude to us. When I spoke with my father-in-law about this, he suggested the longtime residents are most likely nervous that the same fate awaits their neighborhood as what’s been happening all around them. They clearly love their neighborhood as it is, and the thing is, so do my wife and I. Not all young couples want the 3600 square-foot monstrosities that keep pushing out the more practical, livable older homes, which are getting harder to find in some areas, like ours.

How do we let our new neighbors know we’re not invaders, but people who value the kind of homes they also love? --- APPRECIATE WHAT WE’VE GOT

DEAR APPRECIATE WHAT WE’VE GOT: As a fellow admirer of older, more traditional homes, I believe I get where you’re coming from. I’ve also lived in an area where every fifth house was being mansionized, completely engulfing the original post-WWII homes that had raised a couple of generations of kids, just as they were first built — all three bedrooms, one-and-a-half bathroom of them.

It can’t be easy for your new neighbors to see what’s happening all around them, and it’s not hard to understand that they may view you and your wife as the latest version of block-busters, as your father-in-law already suggested.

I’m guessing the best way to prove you’re not one of the invaders is to go about your business maintaining your property, and being pleasant to your neighbors. In time they may come around when they realize you have some shared values. It won’t happen overnight, but hopefully you’ll eventually feel and truly be more fully part of your new community.

DEAR READERS: Please keep all those left behind in the Afghanistan evacuations in your thoughts and prayers. Many who aided the U.S. and our allies over the years are now in mortal peril, along with their families and anyone who provides them shelter.

Please also remember and honor the brave men and women who risked and continue risking all to help bring as many of the stranded to safety as they can, especially the 13 young Americans who gave their lives in the service of others.