DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend of two years is paying for his daughter’s wedding, which is on the other side of the country. The groom’s mother is single and is low-income, so her side wanted to keep the numbers down for the rehearsal dinner. About three months ago, my BF offered to pay for me to join them, but the daughter refused saying it would make her future mother-in-law feel weird.

The wedding is in about a month and now the single ex-wife of 10 years called my BF to tell him she is inviting four “besties” to the rehearsal dinner and paying for them, which the daughter agreed to. My BF thought it was nice of the ex-wife to call him, and he told me it makes sense because she is giving the future mother-in-law more money (for four extra people) vs. him just giving her money for one dinner.

I was offended when the daughter originally told my BF no, but I accepted it and just figured I would find something else to do. Now I’m very hurt and angry.

Due to COVID and his kids living far away, I have not met anyone in the family, nor will I know anyone at the wedding. Now I definitely don’t want to join in the rehearsal dinner, and I’m not even sure I want to go to the wedding (of about 150 people), which is also in a very high COVID-rate state. What should I do? --- ANONYMOUS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: While I don’t understand your boyfriend’s financial reasoning — and I believe he could’ve made a stronger case for having you at the rehearsal dinner — I’m guessing your main disadvantage in this situation is that you’re an unknown commodity to his family. You haven’t even met the bride yet, whereas her mother’s friends may be people the bride’s known for years.

It probably wouldn’t be the best look to back out of the wedding at this point. It’s your chance to shine as a positive addition to your boyfriend’s world, as you get acquainted with key family members and they get to know you a bit too.

Best case, things go smoothly, and the family appreciates and accepts you. And if that doesn’t happen, you’ve got the consolation of being separated from them by a continent most of the time.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: This is only my second year as an elementary school teacher. Last year was as stressful an introduction to my new profession as I thought it could be. Then this year started, and it has already put a good bit of strain on me because, among other things, one of my students is my first cousin’s oldest child, which wouldn’t be so bad if his mother wasn’t a first-class helicopter mom. My cousin is pretty chill, but his wife is a mess when it comes to their kids.

Since we’re only a couple of weeks into the new school year, it’s still possible for me to ask for a student switch, using the family connection as a potential conflict of interest. But I’m guessing that won’t fly for two reasons — last year one of the fifth grade teachers had her own kid in her class, and I know my cousin’s wife would hold it against me forever as a rejection of her child if I did the switch, which it truly would not be.

I feel caught here, because I think no matter how I interact with my new student, it’s going to be judged and potentially misread by my cousin’s wife.

Which do you see as the lesser of two evil — keep my young cousin in class, or ask for the transfer? --- CONFOUNDED COUSIN

DEAR CONFOUNDED COUSIN: You may see yourself as being in a bit of a pickle, but I see it as an opportunity to hone some invaluable skills that should serve you well for the rest of your teaching career. I’d be willing to bet that your cousin’s wife isn’t going to be the only overly involved parent you’ll be dealing with this year, and you can’t transfer all their children out to another class. A second possible complication you’ll be facing with a relative on your roster is that some fellow students and their parents may accuse you of favoritism, which is something I’m sure you’ve also thought about, and will encounter as long as you’re teaching.

Being accused of favoritism and dealing with hovering parents come with the territory; and learning early on in your career how best to deal with both elements of your job will hopefully make you a better teacher.

If you feel you’d benefit from some specific guidance, perhaps your school’s administrators could either work with you directly or assign you a mentor to help get you over some of these rough patches. From what I’ve heard, this is a fairly common practice for rookie teachers, and since last year was hardly a standard introduction to running your own classroom, it seems entirely reasonable to ask for some direction from those who’ve already been where you are today, starting with your fifth grade teacher colleague with her own kid in her class.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was about to graduate college, my grandfather committed suicide. He had been diagnosed with inoperable cancer and couldn’t face what his last few months would be.

At the time, his suicide was much more devastating to our family than his diagnosis had been. My mother took it especially hard, thinking she could have and should have done something to prevent it.

Last month, the mother of a good friend of mine took her own life. She had a history of severe depression and some personal circumstances pushed her over the edge. She left a letter asking her family to forgive her and not blame themselves. She said she had thought about doing this many times over the years and was just waiting for her family to be grown-up and living their own lives to act on it.

My friend is now deeply depressed. Like my mother, she said she should have seen it coming and done something. She is supposed to be getting married in the fall, and now is thinking she ought to delay the wedding, which I believe would be a mistake.

I’ve tried to console and counsel her, since I too had to face having a loved one kill themselves, but she keeps telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about. A grandfather isn’t a mother. An old sick man isn’t a healthy middle-aged woman. When I gently reminded her her mother wasn’t entirely healthy, she just got madder at me.

I know I can help my friend, but at this point I don’t know how. Everything I say seems to just make her madder and sadder. What else can I do? --- NEED TO HELP MY FRIEND

DEAR NEED TO HELP MY FRIEND: For now, rather than trying to treat her, you should just be her friend. Listen to what she has to say and be as available as possible to her when she wants to talk to you. By keeping close, you can better be on the lookout for signs of worsening depression.

If you see any, you should alert someone else in her family and/or circle of close friends. Together or individually, in addition to being there for her, you might convince her to seek professional grief counseling or other behavioral health services.